Does your husband yell at you?

[Anonymous]

No he doesn't. He knows his life is worth living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, never. That's abuse (and obviously calling out from the other side of the house to ask if you've seen their blue shirt doesn't count as yelling...)

It's always the blue shirt, never the white one!

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not.

When we were in our 20s and early 30s we’d have verbal fights with raised voices. It was emotionally exhausting, so we both really worked hard at re-setting things so that we could disagree respectfully. If we hadn’t succeeded, there’s no way we’d still be married.

[Anonymous]

Spouses should never yell at each other. Ever. Spouses that do not yell at each other do not have a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think he’s ever yelled at me. We are both pretty chill people which helps.

[Anonymous]

Never, not once. And I would leave him in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

God no. We argue, but no shouting. More debating.

[Anonymous]

Shouldn’t this be in Relationships?

If no kids, think about leaving, OP.

If kids, a Gottman trained marriage counselor. It’s likely a pattern from his family.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes.

I was thinking recently that it was not uncommon to witness this at a few friends' houses growing up. It's it a "times have changed and now it's unacceptable" thing or is it really that rare?

[Anonymous]

A guy at work tried to yell at me the other day (we work in a trauma center so emotions do run high) but this was about something personal. I literally turned on my heel and walked away. Men who raised their voices to communicate lose their shot with me. We spoke later calmly and it got resolved. But as a woman in medicine, I learned a long time ago that I don’t allow men to raise their voice at me. Not at home, not at work, not anywhere else. If you can’t communicate without volume that’s your problem.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure lots of spouses yell at each other, men and women both. But that doesn't make it OK. My husband does not yell at me. Over the years he has yelled at our kids a few times when they did something unsafe or hurt each other. But even that is very rare. He's just not a yeller. My dad yelled at my mom and it totally traumatized me, even though as far as I know he never physically hurt her.

[Anonymous]

yes. and sometimes i yell back bc it gets so mean i feel the need to defend myself.

first round of Gottman style therapy didnt work

we're going for a second round-- and this is the last stop. we have a son. i will leave for my son's sake, he deserves to grow up in a calm environment. i would trade living every day with my son in the family house to a custody schedule if that meant that my son could grow up with less tension at home.

FWIW i was raised in a house where my father routinely yelled at me, berated, etc. its hardwired in me.

been in a lot of personal therapy working on my attachment style.

but i am only one half of the equation.

[Anonymous]

There was a thread not long ago and many women said they yelled at their husbands and that it is understandable if they frustrate you and you yell at them because they made you frustrated. More than half of those in the long thread agreed yelling was fine if your spouse deserved it for upsetting you in some way.

[Anonymous]

yes and I want to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My husband occasionally yells at me. How common is this?

OoooOoooh I wish he would, he would get it right back. lol No, never...welll except once out of desperation after arguing for hours when we were younger.