Do you ask your kids before hugging them?
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Anonymous
| Open the arms to invite them in |
Anonymous
| That is crazy. Stupid trend. |
Anonymous
| Nope. |
Anonymous
|
Yes I always ask first.
Gross to think of what some of you are teaching your boys. Or your girls for that matter. |
Anonymous
Well we'll see what the rates of date rape look like in 20 years. |
Anonymous
|
Do I hide behind something and jump
Out and hug them No! Do I indicate I am going to hug before I hug, of course I’m not socially awkward. |
Anonymous
If it turns down, it won’t be because parents asked for a hug. |
Anonymous
Lol. Please do explain the logic behind this statement. I would love to hear your thought process. |
Anonymous
+1. In these families are spouses asking to hug each other, too? Does your child ask to hug you before hugging? |
Anonymous
| I do. I want her to know that she gets to decide who and when someone kisses or hugs her. |
Anonymous
| Not verbally usually, though occasionally I do ask verbally. I don’t ask my cat or dog verbally if I can pet them either but we practice with the kids to determine consent with body language and don’t pet an animal who doesn’t want to be touched. We also talk about how consent can be revoked at any time and how to read that body language for a dog/cat/baby. I would never pick up a baby without “consent” from the baby unless there was a need. I don’t like being grabbed unexpectedly so I don’t do that to others. We are a very “huggy” family though and asking verbally all the time would be weird. Everyone also respects “I don’t want to be touched right now” |
Anonymous
+1 It's generally not necessary to actually say "can I hug you right now" but I might do that after an argument or if they are clearly feeling very touchy or irritated. But I'd do that with my DH or a friend too -- I'm not going to force a hug on someone who clearly doesn't want one. And that's really all it is. We also don't force our kids to hug relatives or friends if they don't want to even though I know this can be upsetting to some older relatives. We don't want to condition our kids to the idea that you HAVE to let some people be intimate with you whether you like it or not. The great thing is that with time our kids have decided on their own to hug grandparents and others and those hugs are so much more affectionate and meaningful than some dutiful forced hug every time we see them. It's a good lesson in why it's worth it to put in the work with kids and do things the "hard way." I think these relatives now appreciate that they developed good relationships with our kids over times instead of the instant gratification of hugs-on-demand. I know for sure our kids are better off for it and that's what matters most to me. |
Anonymous
| We are a no physical touch without verbal consent family. I have both girls and boys so I want it to be modeled and for them them feel comfortable saying no. My kids as young as 18 months know to say yes or no. We have 6 kids ages 18 months to 17. |
Anonymous
| I USED to be able to do this, but my 16 year old dd sometimes shrugs me off when she’s struggling with something so now I ask first. But sometimes that’s just arms outstretched with a look on my face that is questioning… |
Anonymous
People get to decide when and how they're touched. Your poor kids. |