Do you ask your kids before hugging them?

[Anonymous]

This seems to be a new parenting trend but I don’t know if it is actually the best thing- I don’t know if I want my kids to have ask before they hug me- that seems a little cold. And I also want them to get lots of hugs from me. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

??? No, I hug and kiss them without asking. I can do that because they trust me. Just as they run up to me and grab me in a bear hug without warning. They love to do that when I'm washing the dishes. They like my yelp and the inevitable clatter.

[Anonymous]

I don't hug my kids without their consent, but often that looks like me putting out my arms and then running into them (toddlers) or them initiating the hug, etc . . .

[Anonymous]

Sometimes. Kids sometimes go through phases where they don't want to be hugged in certain situations (like in front of friends or at school). I respect that and will ask in those situations. But we have lots of hugs at home with no official permission.

We do have a rule in our family that if anyone doesn't like any kind of physical touch they can say so and it has to stop immediately even if it's affectionate. I think this is important to teach kids about respecting consent. It can be hard to acclimate to because like DH and I grew up with tickling and roughhousing in our families. But it's worth acclimating to and now we don't really think about it.

[Anonymous]

No, and that would be so odd to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:??? No, I hug and kiss them without asking. I can do that because they trust me. Just as they run up to me and grab me in a bear hug without warning. They love to do that when I'm washing the dishes. They like my yelp and the inevitable clatter.

Yes they love it at this age. Not everything has to be an overcomplicated big deal.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes.

[Anonymous]

wtf no. I just envelop them. 10 13 year old boys.

[Anonymous]

Wtf

[Anonymous]

Crazy

[Anonymous]

It is a very strange trend to me. My cousin, much younger than we are, has a toddler, and they do this and ask it of us too. It’s very very interesting.

They also do so much validating of opinions - some I get but sometimes it makes it worse IMO - “Johnny, aw, do you feel bad because Joey took your truck? That must have made you feel sad!” Uh, no, distract and get over it. There does need to be more validating of feels but not all the time about everything.

[Anonymous]

Of course not, but I stop if they tell me not to stop.

[Anonymous]

Ha, I wrote that incorrectly - I stop if they tell me not to hug them.

[Anonymous]

Nope

[Anonymous]

Only if I’m not sure if they want a hug. If they’re upset with me or don’t want their friends to see or something like that I will ask. If it’s just a normal day at home they get sneak attack hugs.