Reply to Do you ask your kids before hugging them?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not verbally usually, though occasionally I do ask verbally. I don’t ask my cat or dog verbally if I can pet them either but we practice with the kids to determine consent with body language and don’t pet an animal who doesn’t want to be touched. We also talk about how consent can be revoked at any time and how to read that body language for a dog/cat/baby. I would never pick up a baby without “consent” from the baby unless there was a need. I don’t like being grabbed unexpectedly so I don’t do that to others. We are a very “huggy” family though and asking verbally all the time would be weird. Everyone also respects “I don’t want to be touched right now” [/quote]

It's generally not necessary to actually say "can I hug you right now" but I might do that after an argument or if they are clearly feeling very touchy or irritated. But I'd do that with my DH or a friend too -- I'm not going to force a hug on someone who clearly doesn't want one.

And that's really all it is. We also don't force our kids to hug relatives or friends if they don't want to even though I know this can be upsetting to some older relatives. We don't want to condition our kids to the idea that you HAVE to let some people be intimate with you whether you like it or not. The great thing is that with time our kids have decided on their own to hug grandparents and others and those hugs are so much more affectionate and meaningful than some dutiful forced hug every time we see them. It's a good lesson in why it's worth it to put in the work with kids and do things the "hard way." I think these relatives now appreciate that they developed good relationships with our kids over times instead of the instant gratification of hugs-on-demand. I know for sure our kids are better off for it and that's what matters most to me.[/quote]

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