Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me start off my saying I’m somewhat of a health nut. I try to eat clean and mainly use whole, organic ingredients. I’m not a good cook but I’d rather eat something that is healthy for sustenance than something that is delicious but unhealthy. Stuff I make at home are usual stir fries with veggies and lean meat, baked chicken, marinated pork chops with veggies, and soups and stews with tons of veggies and lean meat.

My husband on the other hand loves junk food. He is in his 40s but still enjoys McDonalds. He goes to places like Burger King, 5 guys, Buffalo Wild Wings, and papa John’s multiple times a week. At the risk of sound like a snob, I never ate at places like that before meeting him. To me it’s junk food filled with empty calories, bad oils, and low quality ingredients. He also enjoys higher quality restaurants like the Great American chains where he can get ribs, burgers and steaks there but it’s not feasible for our budget and schedule to get takeout from restaurants like that everyday.

As far as fast food goes, I’m okay with getting Chipotle, kabobs from Moby Dicks and Panda Express maybe 2-3x a week. That’s something my husband and I can eat together. I like going out to eat too but I prefer sushi and lighter fares like Thai. I just can’t stand eating greasy fried carb rich foods and fatty meats all the time, but that’s what my husband wants most of the time. Basically, my husband thinks restaurants like True Food Kitchen is disgusting but I really appreciate a restaurant that serves up ultra healthy foods even though it may not taste as good as a regular restaurant.

To make matters worse my 2 year old son is also an extremely picky eater. Some days he’ll only eat crackers. I try to cook healthy foods for him like meatballs in homemade marinara sauce filled with veggies, chilis, fresh banana pancakes, etc but it gets rejected most of the time which is extremely frustrating but at least I will eat the stuff I make so it doesn’t go to waste. My husband will not eat the stuff I cook for my son because it’s too bland and “healthy” so often times he’ll order pizza and wings instead.

Sorry for the long rant but I guess I just feel grossed out by how unhealthy my husband eats and I also feel rejected that he won’t eat the food I cook 90% of the time. Should I try to cater my cooking to suit him better? However I want my toddler to eat healthy too so my recipes will be on the clean side and it’s exhausting enough trying to cook something my toddler will eat let alone my husband. I don’t want to have to cook something separate for my husband and have him reject it too so he’s been getting takeout almost every meal everyday and I feel kinda guilty about how much junk he’s eating.

To top it off, he’s also goes off and on this keto diet where he only eats meat so he’s getting ribs, wings, burger patties and chik fila salads and fried chicken all the time. When he’s off the diet he just wants to splurge and tells me to pick up cakes, donuts, pizzas, and all kinds of junk for him when I go shopping and I feel like an enabler. I just feel disgusted (am I being judgmental because I’m sort of a health nut?), exasperated and i don't know what to do.

The two of you need to sit down and have a full-on heart-to-heart discussion about food and health and the role(s) you each want them to play in your and your family's life, why you think the way you do about food/eating, and why eating healthy - or not - is important to each of you. Both need to be open-minded and not come to the conversation on guard to defend your own position. There is room for a LOT of compromise here; but the LONG-TERM HEALTH of you and your husband and your CHILD are the priority.

Hopefully you can all reasonably agree (1) that the current situation is not feasible for you, having to manage the different preferences of three individuals - and what if you add another child to the mix? (2) that health is important - and you can have more discussions and involve credible medical sources as needed (3) that the health and developing habits of a healthy lifestyle for your child(ren) should be a priority as parents.

Then, agree to:
a limit of "x" # of times eating/ordering out per week;
you choosing the dinners and cooking them "x" nights and your husband "x" nights or together or whatever;
A core list of meals (current or new or old ones from his childhood he loves, whatever) that you and he can agree to at least tolerate and meal plan around weekly;
Most importantly, one meal being served for everyone and everyone chooses to eat it or not -- This is the most important for right now. Your husband is not setting a good example for your child, not just regarding food choices, but by showing your child they don't have to consider your values and efforts. He is also setting your child up for choosing between parents, following dad and making mom feel even less appreciated and respected and fearful of her family members' health etc.

I am the mom of 2 who are now late teens. One was/is an extremely picky eater with a very narrow range of foods they'll eat. We've even done counseling for them about it. I am telling you:
You do not want FOOD to be the focus or become a point of tension in your family.
You SHOULD NOT become a short-order cook or cater to everyone's individual preferences every night. I have tried very hard to include at least some accommodation to ensure everyone will have something to eat. Don't do this! Work together on finding foods you can agree on to start. Over time, as you learn to cook better and your husband gets more accustomed to eating healthier food, it will become easier for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Can you try and step up your cooking game to find more flavor profiles they like? Your food may not have enough punch for him and comes across as bland. There are lots of copycat restaurant favorites online You could read through some and make modifications that would be a compromise for both of you.

On a side note, if he isn’t eating anything you make with ground Turkey stop using it. My family won’t touch anything with it. So we use either ground beef or ground pork.

If your toddler sees your DH excited about new recipes they may be happy to try them too, especially if you try and incorporate them into the cooking process. Kids love to help.

[Anonymous]

OP- do you use spices/flavors?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to meet him in the middle.
I eat healthier than my spouse too but we eat the same foods most dinners. Lunches we eat separately because we’re not together.
Can you do chicken with pasta and veg? If you just want chicken and veg you eat that. The other 2 can have all 3. I feel like if you added grains/pasta/rice to some of what you’re eating already that would work.

[Anonymous]

To me, his way of eating is very unhealthy and will likely lead to illnesses down the road they will affect your marriage and quality of life. I would not condone it. He can do it on his own time, but I wouldn’t willingly prepare unhealthy foods for those I love. Later in life, you’ll regret it. It’s like smoking, he can do it outside the house or in a private area, but not contaminate your air or toddlers air.
As far as toddler, if you stop all snacks and have toddler prepare healthy meals with you, your toddler will joyfully eat those healthy meals with you - and glow when they receive your praise and undivided attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me start off my saying I’m somewhat of a health nut. I try to eat clean and mainly use whole, organic ingredients. I’m not a good cook but I’d rather eat something that is healthy for sustenance than something that is delicious but unhealthy. Stuff I make at home are usual stir fries with veggies and lean meat, baked chicken, marinated pork chops with veggies, and soups and stews with tons of veggies and lean meat.

My husband on the other hand loves junk food. He is in his 40s but still enjoys McDonalds. He goes to places like Burger King, 5 guys, Buffalo Wild Wings, and papa John’s multiple times a week. At the risk of sound like a snob, I never ate at places like that before meeting him. To me it’s junk food filled with empty calories, bad oils, and low quality ingredients. He also enjoys higher quality restaurants like the Great American chains where he can get ribs, burgers and steaks there but it’s not feasible for our budget and schedule to get takeout from restaurants like that everyday.

As far as fast food goes, I’m okay with getting Chipotle, kabobs from Moby Dicks and Panda Express maybe 2-3x a week. That’s something my husband and I can eat together. I like going out to eat too but I prefer sushi and lighter fares like Thai. I just can’t stand eating greasy fried carb rich foods and fatty meats all the time, but that’s what my husband wants most of the time. Basically, my husband thinks restaurants like True Food Kitchen is disgusting but I really appreciate a restaurant that serves up ultra healthy foods even though it may not taste as good as a regular restaurant.

To make matters worse my 2 year old son is also an extremely picky eater. Some days he’ll only eat crackers. I try to cook healthy foods for him like meatballs in homemade marinara sauce filled with veggies, chilis, fresh banana pancakes, etc but it gets rejected most of the time which is extremely frustrating but at least I will eat the stuff I make so it doesn’t go to waste. My husband will not eat the stuff I cook for my son because it’s too bland and “healthy” so often times he’ll order pizza and wings instead.

Sorry for the long rant but I guess I just feel grossed out by how unhealthy my husband eats and I also feel rejected that he won’t eat the food I cook 90% of the time. Should I try to cater my cooking to suit him better? However I want my toddler to eat healthy too so my recipes will be on the clean side and it’s exhausting enough trying to cook something my toddler will eat let alone my husband. I don’t want to have to cook something separate for my husband and have him reject it too so he’s been getting takeout almost every meal everyday and I feel kinda guilty about how much junk he’s eating.

To top it off, he’s also goes off and on this keto diet where he only eats meat so he’s getting ribs, wings, burger patties and chik fila salads and fried chicken all the time. When he’s off the diet he just wants to splurge and tells me to pick up cakes, donuts, pizzas, and all kinds of junk for him when I go shopping and I feel like an enabler. I just feel disgusted (am I being judgmental because I’m sort of a health nut?), exasperated and i don't know what to do.

Stop cooking for dh. He is an adult and can feed himself. 2 is prime picky eating. Talk to his peditrician for ideas. Kids need to be introduced to a new food a crazy amount of time before they eat them. What does your toddler like? Are they still on formula or breast milk?

[Anonymous]

You sound high maintenance and annoying

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP that you should look for copycat recipes for stuff he likes. You can lighten them up but don't be over the top about it (don't sub 1 tsp of oil where it calls for 1/2 cup).

And honestly, if you get along with MIL, it wouldn't hurt to learn some of the recipes he grew up eating.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is an adult, he can decide what he wants or doesn't want to eat and then he's responsible for feeding himself. Healthy food shouldn't be bland. Whatever you do, make sure you don't end up giving your kid an eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your cooking is fine. It just isn’t what he likes. A lot of probably ate like your DH in college, but then we grew up. You evolved, he didn’t. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP make sure you are loaded up on life insurance for your DH, he is unlikely to make it past prime cardiac arrest years in midlife.

[Anonymous]

There is no way Panda Express or Chipotle are "clean." Get real.
What DH and kid like is the SALT in that restaurant food. Makes it "tasty "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me, his way of eating is very unhealthy and will likely lead to illnesses down the road they will affect your marriage and quality of life. I would not condone it. He can do it on his own time, but I wouldn’t willingly prepare unhealthy foods for those I love. Later in life, you’ll regret it. It’s like smoking, he can do it outside the house or in a private area, but not contaminate your air or toddlers air.
As far as toddler, if you stop all snacks and have toddler prepare healthy meals with you, your toddler will joyfully eat those healthy meals with you - and glow when they receive your praise and undivided attention.

I’m extremely glad that I’m not your husband. I could not handle someone who was this controlling. It’s his house as much as it is yours. Unbelievable. SMH.

[Anonymous]

Is this real? I am shocked that a clean water would marry a fast food junkie. I mean, most dating is food-based. Did he lie to you about his habits or did his habits change?

Also, is his health the only thing he is illogical about? Any logical person would see that his binge eating + fad diet is really unhealthy. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gone through periods of eating crap too, but at least I acknowledged it’s not good for me. It would bother me to be married to someone this illogical.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Husband has a masters in engineering and can think logically. I really don’t understand why he eats so much shitty food. It might be stubbornness, willful ignorance, or a disdain for “hippy granola types” (my words not his). I’ve told him many times what I thought of his diet and seems like it made him double down. I think his family all ate whatever they wanted, smoked and drank heavily and stayed reasonably fit due to genes and haven’t died early. Maybe he associates eating healthy to weakness or he’s in denial about how terrible is diet is and just don’t want to give up the junk he’s addicted to. I don’t know.