2 married professors having an affair. Do I report it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It actually sounds like you were spying on them. It’s one thing to randomly encounter someone in a restaurant. But you monitored them to their cars?!?!!!

Weird, man. Just stop. You are creepy.

I would be spying too if I saw two people I know who were married to other people on a date / making out. It is scarier that cheating is so acceptable to you that it woudn't even pique your curiosity.

You can believe what you want and feeling this way is fine, but you are in the minority. Read the thread, most people think you’d be crazy to be this invested in someone else’s marriage.

[Anonymous]

I call troll.

I don’t believe they share an office in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It actually sounds like you were spying on them. It’s one thing to randomly encounter someone in a restaurant. But you monitored them to their cars?!?!!!

Weird, man. Just stop. You are creepy.

I would be spying too if I saw two people I know who were married to other people on a date / making out. It is scarier that cheating is so acceptable to you that it woudn't even pique your curiosity.

You can believe what you want and feeling this way is fine, but you are in the minority. Read the thread, most people think you’d be crazy to be this invested in someone else’s marriage.

I don't mind being the minority when it comes to thinking cheating is wrong. I think it is unfortunate that the majority have no issue with it and accept it and wouldn't even notice two married people they know making out with people not their spouses because it is so common place in their own lives that it doesn't even register. I am happy to be in the minority who doesn't cheat and doesn't encourage others to do so.

[Anonymous]

Lots of swinging among professors...how do you know this isn't a group thing happening?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It actually sounds like you were spying on them. It’s one thing to randomly encounter someone in a restaurant. But you monitored them to their cars?!?!!!

Weird, man. Just stop. You are creepy.

I would be spying too if I saw two people I know who were married to other people on a date / making out. It is scarier that cheating is so acceptable to you that it woudn't even pique your curiosity.

You can believe what you want and feeling this way is fine, but you are in the minority. Read the thread, most people think you’d be crazy to be this invested in someone else’s marriage.

I don't mind being the minority when it comes to thinking cheating is wrong. I think it is unfortunate that the majority have no issue with it and accept it and wouldn't even notice two married people they know making out with people not their spouses because it is so common place in their own lives that it doesn't even register. I am happy to be in the minority who doesn't cheat and doesn't encourage others to do so.

ummm OP apparently lurked until they went out to their cars … I’m against cheating but if I saw two married colleagues cozying up in a restaurant I’d probably turn around and leave.

[Anonymous]

yes

[Anonymous]

If it's not affecting your work environment, then of course not. None of your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It actually sounds like you were spying on them. It’s one thing to randomly encounter someone in a restaurant. But you monitored them to their cars?!?!!!

Weird, man. Just stop. You are creepy.

I would be spying too if I saw two people I know who were married to other people on a date / making out. It is scarier that cheating is so acceptable to you that it woudn't even pique your curiosity.

You can believe what you want and feeling this way is fine, but you are in the minority. Read the thread, most people think you’d be crazy to be this invested in someone else’s marriage.

I don't mind being the minority when it comes to thinking cheating is wrong. I think it is unfortunate that the majority have no issue with it and accept it and wouldn't even notice two married people they know making out with people not their spouses because it is so common place in their own lives that it doesn't even register. I am happy to be in the minority who doesn't cheat and doesn't encourage others to do so.

I agree that cheating is wrong, but what would complaining to admin accomplish? Saying nothing isn’t encouraging cheating, it’s simply staying in my lane. Let the fates do their work unimpeded.

[Anonymous]

Keep your mouth shut. You’re an adult. Don’t be a tattle tale..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's not affecting your work environment, then of course not. None of your business.

Incorrect. First, there may be a university policy that covers this, and if so, there may also be language in the policy that if you don't say something, you can be disciplined. Even if this isn't the case, high-profile cheating scandals can affect the credibility of the academic department (or even school) with students. Second, would you want to know if someone is interfering in your marriage (and that's what it is)? Both of the cheating spouses are breaking their marital vows (instead of getting divorced) and are hoping not to get caught doing so. If you choose to stay in a marriage for whatever reason (money, kids, societal/family pressure), then you honor your vow at the expense of your selfish desires. It's simply not fair to the non-cheating spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know their spouses?

I think people have a right to know that there is a 3rd person in their marriage, putting their health at risk and that their marriage is a sham / facade. It is very humiliating for others to know your spouse is cavorting about while you look like a fool thinking all is well.

If you know the spouse or spouses, I would tell them what you saw.

The cheaters are the ones who have already messed up the marriages / families. Being complicit in the lies, betrayal and deciet isn't something I have any desire to be part of.

There is something very wrong with you.

I was the spouse in this situation. My ex and his AP would meet up at conferences while I ran myself ragged with a full time job and two young children at home. I wish somebody had told me.

The lies and gaslighting made me feel like I was crazy, on top of just being tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's not affecting your work environment, then of course not. None of your business.

Incorrect. First, there may be a university policy that covers this, and if so, there may also be language in the policy that if you don't say something, you can be disciplined. Even if this isn't the case, high-profile cheating scandals can affect the credibility of the academic department (or even school) with students. Second, would you want to know if someone is interfering in your marriage (and that's what it is)? Both of the cheating spouses are breaking their marital vows (instead of getting divorced) and are hoping not to get caught doing so. If you choose to stay in a marriage for whatever reason (money, kids, societal/family pressure), then you honor your vow at the expense of your selfish desires. It's simply not fair to the non-cheating spouse.

Are you a complete fool? The cheating that an academic institution is interested in would be academic cheating such as plagiarism or altering research data. Fooling around with your co workers is not on the list. In fact, there is nothing that the admin could do about two tenured faculty fooling around with each other.

[Anonymous]

Comrade, I strongly encourage you to report such behavior directly to KGB domestic bureau. We will take active measures to ensure no such subversion among intelligentsia. You will surely be nominated for Order of Lenin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's not affecting your work environment, then of course not. None of your business.

Incorrect. First, there may be a university policy that covers this, and if so, there may also be language in the policy that if you don't say something, you can be disciplined. Even if this isn't the case, high-profile cheating scandals can affect the credibility of the academic department (or even school) with students. Second, would you want to know if someone is interfering in your marriage (and that's what it is)? Both of the cheating spouses are breaking their marital vows (instead of getting divorced) and are hoping not to get caught doing so. If you choose to stay in a marriage for whatever reason (money, kids, societal/family pressure), then you honor your vow at the expense of your selfish desires. It's simply not fair to the non-cheating spouse.

Are you a complete fool? The cheating that an academic institution is interested in would be academic cheating such as plagiarism or altering research data. Fooling around with your co workers is not on the list. In fact, there is nothing that the admin could do about two tenured faculty fooling around with each other.

Five minutes on Google would prove you wrong. Universities do care about about relationships between faculty members, particularly if they can cause disruption to the academic environment, subject the university to legal liability (direct or indirect authority of one professor over another), etc.... In fact, universities reserve the option to take any action necessary to ensure compliance with the spirit their fraternization policies, including transferring either or both employees to minimize disruption of the work group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's not affecting your work environment, then of course not. None of your business.

Incorrect. First, there may be a university policy that covers this, and if so, there may also be language in the policy that if you don't say something, you can be disciplined. Even if this isn't the case, high-profile cheating scandals can affect the credibility of the academic department (or even school) with students. Second, would you want to know if someone is interfering in your marriage (and that's what it is)? Both of the cheating spouses are breaking their marital vows (instead of getting divorced) and are hoping not to get caught doing so. If you choose to stay in a marriage for whatever reason (money, kids, societal/family pressure), then you honor your vow at the expense of your selfish desires. It's simply not fair to the non-cheating spouse.

Are you a complete fool? The cheating that an academic institution is interested in would be academic cheating such as plagiarism or altering research data. Fooling around with your co workers is not on the list. In fact, there is nothing that the admin could do about two tenured faculty fooling around with each other.

Five minutes on Google would prove you wrong. Universities do care about about relationships between faculty members, particularly if they can cause disruption to the academic environment, subject the university to legal liability (direct or indirect authority of one professor over another), etc.... In fact, universities reserve the option to take any action necessary to ensure compliance with the spirit their fraternization policies, including transferring either or both employees to minimize disruption of the work group.

You clearly have never worked in a university.

My guess is that OP is a low level staff position. Tenure is very difficult to break and two colleagues consensually seeing each other doesn’t come within a mile. My guess is that OP a grad student or staff person and that you have been cheated on. This is triggering for you rather than just eww. You want to get revenge on the cheating person who wronged you by proxy.

Contact the spouses if you are doing it out of a desire to help them. If it’s anger or revenge then talk to your therapist.