Update. Most of you were right.

[Anonymous]

Why would your brother have your number and why wouldn’t he already be blocked?

[Anonymous]

You HAVE protected your baby. She is safe with you and your DH. Your molester brother knowing she exists in the world does not make her inherently unsafe. Focus on healing and bonding and getting used to being a family of three.

I'm sorry your mother couldn't be what you wanted her to be. I was one of the people who told you she'd tell him. I'm so sorry to have been right. Your baby is safe with you. If it makes you feel better, have your DH give your mom and brother's names to the nurses as people not allowed to visit.

[Anonymous]

OP first let me say I’m very sorry.

Two they never change.

My mothers brother abused children
My brother may not have sexually abused his own daughter but he emotionally destroyed her and his wife.

My sister had no contact with my mother and brother for over 20 years my mother is dying so my sister decided to reconnect and bring her child along .her only request was my mother not tell my brother

Five minutes after my sister waked in my mother dives a FaceTime call. No joke. To my brother etc.. it did not end well.

[Anonymous]

Both family members need to be blocked.

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP. But think of it this way - truly you can now move forward w your life with absolutely no feelings of guilt on your part. Against your better judgment you totally 100% gave her another, big, way-more-than-fair chance. She couldn’t cut it. But if you hadn’t done this, you’d have all these unnecessary complicated feelings weighing on you in early motherhood, feeling guilty and wondering etc. but now you can regroup and focus all your energies and attention on nurturing and sustaining your lovely new baby, and concentrate on this incredible little Family that you’ve built for yourself - the Family that matters.

Also your instincts are completely correct, TRUST THEM. Think of it this way, is there any chance she wouldnt have asked your brother not to say anything to you bc her relationship w you was at stake? And he did anyway to make an appearance during such a vulnerable time of your life, fully knowing better? The more buffer you can put between these two and anyone associated w them, the better.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. I know that it is painful not to have a functional mother during this important time in your life. You gave her every opportunity to meet your one boundary, and she couldn't do that.

Take care of yourself, and take comfort in the family you've created.

[Anonymous]

Not sure if you are still in the hospital. But in case you are.

If they live anywhere close to you, let the hospital know that they are not allowed in to see you. Tell them to make sure to not tell anyone your room number. There is a way to block that in your record at a lot of hospitals.

[Anonymous]

You now have clear insight and direction and there’s nothing like a mama bear. No contact and enjoy that baby! Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if you are still in the hospital. But in case you are.

If they live anywhere close to you, let the hospital know that they are not allowed in to see you. Tell them to make sure to not tell anyone your room number. There is a way to block that in your record at a lot of hospitals.

Very good advice. Notify hospital that you want no visitors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. You are protecting your daughter and she is lucky to have you - you are keeping distance from people you know aren’t safe. Wishing you an easy recovery and hope you have the love and support you need right now.

This. Sending hugs and warm wishes that you can enjoy your little family. She’s shown you her colors (again), but even if you feared it might happen, it doesn’t erase the hurt and hope that you had.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP.

It’s a horrible situation yet at least you now know she won’t change.

You ARE protecting your child, so please do not be hard on yourself. You are not responsible for your mother being horrible.

I hope you find peace. You and your DH sound like a good team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP,

1. Please tell your hospital doctor (and husband) that you are at risk for post-partum depression, because you just received a trigger of past abuse and are dealing with more than regular post-partum recovery. They will write it in before you go home. It's important you don't sit on this by yourself until your first appointment with your regular doc.

2. I am sorry this happened. You did your best, and you tried to be a good human. Now you know you were correct to cut off your mother before.

3. You have to cut her off again, for a long, long time. You don't need to tell her or explain. Just do it. It will help you get better faster.

4. Congratulations on the birth of your baby! This is a happy time! I hope you two thrive.

+1, on number 1. But I'm sorry OP, she needs to be cut out of your life for good. Please let the hospital know your situation and let your OB know what is going on. PP hormones are no joke, then add this in? Take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I usually think people on dcum are too quick to banish relatives, but I think you should talk to your therapist about just cutting off contact. Take a five year break. You can reassess. Why was your brother able to text you? If he did it with a burner number or something, talk with your therapist about whether an order of protection is possible. Or when you cut off your mom, change numbers.

[Anonymous]

You need to block your brother. Get back to therapy. Your post-partom hormones will pay tricks on your well- being

[Anonymous]

Grieve your mother. She is dead to you.

A man SAs a 4 year old child and she thinks she "had to" share the information of another child's existence with him "as a grandmother"? No--she "had to" share it as an accomplice.

I am so sorry, OP. I think what you do now depends a lot on how skilled you are at compartmentalization (vs. dissociation).

You can choose to deal with this now or not, but you should do whatever gives you the best shot at enjoying your beautiful new baby and the life you have built away from these miscreants.