I'm going to have a nervous breakdown

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this. Tell your kid what their limit is and what colleges or majors you won't pay for if there are any restrictions. Find out what schools they are interested and get a checklist for these and then just try to help your kid stay on top of the deadlines. This is more than most parents do.

And so kids end up with extremely random lists of colleges to apply for? Because this is what ds has now. It feels a little ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Honestly I quit my job to help my kids - it’s been helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in 11th and has special needs. I am also overwhelmed with looking at schools. But since your issues are financial, I think you need to take a deep breathe. Look ant your state schools and schools that provide merit. I assume you aren’t in Virginia? Most kids have 3 schools on their list right there. UVA, W&M, JMU, Tech, Mary Washington.

OP, this right here is the answer.

What are kid's unweighted GPA and test scores? What state do you live in? How much is your annual budget for college expenses? What is kid looking for in a college, generally (major, size, geographic preferences) if those things can be accommodated as well? This is how you come up with a good list. Post these things and many here will be happy to offer potential options for the list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

+1 you child should be doing it. and s/he doesn't apply to any college you can't afford

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in 11th and has special needs. I am also overwhelmed with looking at schools. But since your issues are financial, I think you need to take a deep breathe. Look ant your state schools and schools that provide merit. I assume you aren’t in Virginia? Most kids have 3 schools on their list right there. UVA, W&M, JMU, Tech, Mary Washington.

OP, this right here is the answer.

What are kid's unweighted GPA and test scores? What state do you live in? How much is your annual budget for college expenses? What is kid looking for in a college, generally (major, size, geographic preferences) if those things can be accommodated as well? This is how you come up with a good list. Post these things and many here will be happy to offer potential options for the list.

He has our flagship on his list. He also has a bunch of expensive schools he prefers. He can get into all the schools on his list (theoretically, I realize that's a crapshoot). The list feels very random and expensive to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

+1 you child should be doing it. and s/he doesn't apply to any college you can't afford

Then that means just three schools we can apply to and afford easily on the list. Everything else is a little potential merit to get down to 50k (best case scenario), or more expensive than that all the way to 90k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in 11th and has special needs. I am also overwhelmed with looking at schools. But since your issues are financial, I think you need to take a deep breathe. Look ant your state schools and schools that provide merit. I assume you aren’t in Virginia? Most kids have 3 schools on their list right there. UVA, W&M, JMU, Tech, Mary Washington.

OP, this right here is the answer.

What are kid's unweighted GPA and test scores? What state do you live in? How much is your annual budget for college expenses? What is kid looking for in a college, generally (major, size, geographic preferences) if those things can be accommodated as well? This is how you come up with a good list. Post these things and many here will be happy to offer potential options for the list.

He has our flagship on his list. He also has a bunch of expensive schools he prefers. He can get into all the schools on his list (theoretically, I realize that's a crapshoot). The list feels very random and expensive to me.

Go for merit aid at the expensive schools.

[Anonymous]

If you're going to have a nervous breakdown you need to take two giant steps back. You are WAY too emotionally invested. If your kid picks the wrong school, they'll transfer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy, wait till you get to the actual application process. I was super stressed out by the fact that DC was applying to very expensive schools which I would pay for if they got into a T10.

DC was rejected, but aint gonna lie, I was kinda relieved. They are at the state flagship with merit.

That's what we are doing now.

What is it that you are "researching"? If your kid wants to go to some expensive college, and you know it has a good rep for their intended major, then what do you need to research?

You already know you won't get aid. We didn't.

IMO, the most stressful part was waiting for the decision because of the cost.

-pp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy, wait till you get to the actual application process. I was super stressed out by the fact that DC was applying to very expensive schools which I would pay for if they got into a T10.

DC was rejected, but aint gonna lie, I was kinda relieved. They are at the state flagship with merit.

That's what we are doing now.

What is it that you are "researching"? If your kid wants to go to some expensive college, and you know it has a good rep for their intended major, then what do you need to research?

You already know you won't get aid. We didn't.

IMO, the most stressful part was waiting for the decision because of the cost.

-pp

I am trying to find better, cheaper options he might like! The list is grim so far. Out of all the schools he put on common app we can afford very few.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are putting too much into this. Calm down. Talk about some parameters with your kid, look them up in Naviance and see if GPA/SAT matches with the school and budget.

I have. Favorites are very expensive. We don't qualify for financial aid. Yes, we have savings. We can afford to pay "some" money, but not 90k a year. And even less seems foolish because it will impact our ability to help dcs as adults.

I understand your anxiety completely. I’m probably more involved than I should be and trying to step away now. It’s hard but important. I focused on helping DD build her balanced list of schools, using our budget, her stats, and preferences regarding major, location, and size. I helped her stay on track this summer getting essay drafts done so this fall won’t be too stressful for her. We used CollegeVine and Naviance for this.

DD knows she needs to go to an instate school or get significant merit aid, which limits options. We have a set budget so we’re focused on schools with high value and ROI (I really liked the Forbes list). I think the more narrow your parameters, the less stressful it is honestly. People underestimate the tyranny of choice. DD will apply to no more than 8 schools - 2 reaches (20-30% chance), 4 targets (30-75% chance), and 2 safeties (more than 75% chance).

You can help provide this guidance, support, and then step away and trust that this process is an important way for your senior to figure out who they are and want to be. Keep the door open but try not to own the process. I know that’s easier said than done for most of us, especially when financial resources are finite.

Good luck and try to find something to occupy your time. I started gardening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in 11th and has special needs. I am also overwhelmed with looking at schools. But since your issues are financial, I think you need to take a deep breathe. Look ant your state schools and schools that provide merit. I assume you aren’t in Virginia? Most kids have 3 schools on their list right there. UVA, W&M, JMU, Tech, Mary Washington.

OP, this right here is the answer.

What are kid's unweighted GPA and test scores? What state do you live in? How much is your annual budget for college expenses? What is kid looking for in a college, generally (major, size, geographic preferences) if those things can be accommodated as well? This is how you come up with a good list. Post these things and many here will be happy to offer potential options for the list.

He has our flagship on his list. He also has a bunch of expensive schools he prefers. He can get into all the schools on his list (theoretically, I realize that's a crapshoot). The list feels very random and expensive to me.

DP. If the problem is that he needs more colleges you can afford, tell him that, tell him how much you can pay, and send him off to find options he likes. If he's got colleges you can't afford (and don't expect aid for) then tell him that and ask him to take them off the list. Either way approach the actual problems with certain schools rather than trying to redo the list from scratch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in 11th and has special needs. I am also overwhelmed with looking at schools. But since your issues are financial, I think you need to take a deep breathe. Look ant your state schools and schools that provide merit. I assume you aren’t in Virginia? Most kids have 3 schools on their list right there. UVA, W&M, JMU, Tech, Mary Washington.

OP, this right here is the answer.

What are kid's unweighted GPA and test scores? What state do you live in? How much is your annual budget for college expenses? What is kid looking for in a college, generally (major, size, geographic preferences) if those things can be accommodated as well? This is how you come up with a good list. Post these things and many here will be happy to offer potential options for the list.

He has our flagship on his list. He also has a bunch of expensive schools he prefers. He can get into all the schools on his list (theoretically, I realize that's a crapshoot). The list feels very random and expensive to me.

Go for merit aid at the expensive schools.

Many don't even offer it. He loves CA schools especially. Many don't offer merit to OOS, then there are the Claremont Colleges which are too expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

So stop looking at T25 schools (you won't get merit there). Search in the 30-100 range (if you have a good student, go lower if needed). Basically find a good list of schools that give merit, then find ones where your kid is at/above 75-90% for scores/gpa and the acceptance rates are 25%+. Find some that are also 50-60%+. that is where you will find merit. It exists for all kids.
My 1200/3.5UW/No AP kid got 35% of tuition at 3 schools in the $65K range (6 years ago). they were around 50% at each school. Got 80% of tuition at a 65K school ranked near120---my kid was 85%+ for that school. We were not even searching for merit, but it comes easily at most private schools ranked 50+, if your kid is 50%+

So that kid had 3 schools costing around $40K/year and 1 school costing ~$25K/year. Oh and 2 in-state schools (not the flagship, but good schools) that with merit was only $18-20K/year.
That kid is a good student, but not "great student"---they were not competitive for T50 schools.

My great student (3.98UW, 10 AP, 1520, excellent ECs) got 50% of total costs at a T50 school, bringing cost to $43K. And 50% of tuition at T65 school, so freshman costs would have been ~$48K. We did all of this without even searching for merit---they are attending a T40 school for full pay at $90K+. But had we been searching, they could have found many places for under $20-25K, and gone in-state for about $15K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

You sit down and tell your kid the budget. We didn't even look at 90k per year schools. We looked at in state and a few private/close out of states. The caveat that we could only afford those schools if they received merit aid. Once aid letters come in you scratch some off the list.