I'm going to have a nervous breakdown

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in 11th and has special needs. I am also overwhelmed with looking at schools. But since your issues are financial, I think you need to take a deep breathe. Look ant your state schools and schools that provide merit. I assume you aren’t in Virginia? Most kids have 3 schools on their list right there. UVA, W&M, JMU, Tech, Mary Washington.

OP, this right here is the answer.

What are kid's unweighted GPA and test scores? What state do you live in? How much is your annual budget for college expenses? What is kid looking for in a college, generally (major, size, geographic preferences) if those things can be accommodated as well? This is how you come up with a good list. Post these things and many here will be happy to offer potential options for the list.

He has our flagship on his list. He also has a bunch of expensive schools he prefers. He can get into all the schools on his list (theoretically, I realize that's a crapshoot). The list feels very random and expensive to me.

DP. If the problem is that he needs more colleges you can afford, tell him that, tell him how much you can pay, and send him off to find options he likes. If he's got colleges you can't afford (and don't expect aid for) then tell him that and ask him to take them off the list. Either way approach the actual problems with certain schools rather than trying to redo the list from scratch.

It is 12 out of 15 schools. It feels like starting from scratch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

Oh my god. Stop with this. When families are investing 160k for a STATE SCHOOL, the parents should have some involvement in the process.
When college was not as expensive as it is now, I would have 100% subscribed to this, but there are now so many different considerations and it is a huge investment. I hope you don't leave all 160k+ decisions that affect your family to 17-year-olds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

So stop looking at T25 schools (you won't get merit there). Search in the 30-100 range (if you have a good student, go lower if needed). Basically find a good list of schools that give merit, then find ones where your kid is at/above 75-90% for scores/gpa and the acceptance rates are 25%+. Find some that are also 50-60%+. that is where you will find merit. It exists for all kids.
My 1200/3.5UW/No AP kid got 35% of tuition at 3 schools in the $65K range (6 years ago). they were around 50% at each school. Got 80% of tuition at a 65K school ranked near120---my kid was 85%+ for that school. We were not even searching for merit, but it comes easily at most private schools ranked 50+, if your kid is 50%+

So that kid had 3 schools costing around $40K/year and 1 school costing ~$25K/year. Oh and 2 in-state schools (not the flagship, but good schools) that with merit was only $18-20K/year.
That kid is a good student, but not "great student"---they were not competitive for T50 schools.

My great student (3.98UW, 10 AP, 1520, excellent ECs) got 50% of total costs at a T50 school, bringing cost to $43K. And 50% of tuition at T65 school, so freshman costs would have been ~$48K. We did all of this without even searching for merit---they are attending a T40 school for full pay at $90K+. But had we been searching, they could have found many places for under $20-25K, and gone in-state for about $15K.

I am having trouble identifying these schools. It is VERY overwhelming to me. I'm open to any level school at all, I really don't care. I just do not want to pay 90k, and I also want him to really like where he goes. Right now we do not have a good list for this.

[Anonymous]

You need to have a firmer conversation about money, now. It sounds like he doesn’t get it. Trust me, it is much better to have this conversation now than in the spring.

I have a college freshman now, and I saw a surprising number of her peers end up with only acceptances that they either didn’t like or couldn’t remotely afford. Tell your son he needs to drop schools outside your price point (and transportation/hotels will cost you a lot more than you expect!), and try again.

But it is on him to make a reasonable list, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

So stop looking at T25 schools (you won't get merit there). Search in the 30-100 range (if you have a good student, go lower if needed). Basically find a good list of schools that give merit, then find ones where your kid is at/above 75-90% for scores/gpa and the acceptance rates are 25%+. Find some that are also 50-60%+. that is where you will find merit. It exists for all kids.
My 1200/3.5UW/No AP kid got 35% of tuition at 3 schools in the $65K range (6 years ago). they were around 50% at each school. Got 80% of tuition at a 65K school ranked near120---my kid was 85%+ for that school. We were not even searching for merit, but it comes easily at most private schools ranked 50+, if your kid is 50%+

So that kid had 3 schools costing around $40K/year and 1 school costing ~$25K/year. Oh and 2 in-state schools (not the flagship, but good schools) that with merit was only $18-20K/year.
That kid is a good student, but not "great student"---they were not competitive for T50 schools.

My great student (3.98UW, 10 AP, 1520, excellent ECs) got 50% of total costs at a T50 school, bringing cost to $43K. And 50% of tuition at T65 school, so freshman costs would have been ~$48K. We did all of this without even searching for merit---they are attending a T40 school for full pay at $90K+. But had we been searching, they could have found many places for under $20-25K, and gone in-state for about $15K.

I am having trouble identifying these schools. It is VERY overwhelming to me. I'm open to any level school at all, I really don't care. I just do not want to pay 90k, and I also want him to really like where he goes. Right now we do not have a good list for this.

DP. OK, OP, many are here to help. Please tell us:
Grades and scores?
Annual budget?
Possible majors?
Geographic preferences? I see California. Anything else?
Size preference, small/medium/large?

What schools does he love, what are his top choices? That might also help point to alternatives. There is no perfect college, but surely there will be good alternatives of some kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

why are you going to college if you have a job already?

[Anonymous]

UDenver. He’ll get merit … almost everyone does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

So stop looking at T25 schools (you won't get merit there). Search in the 30-100 range (if you have a good student, go lower if needed). Basically find a good list of schools that give merit, then find ones where your kid is at/above 75-90% for scores/gpa and the acceptance rates are 25%+. Find some that are also 50-60%+. that is where you will find merit. It exists for all kids.
My 1200/3.5UW/No AP kid got 35% of tuition at 3 schools in the $65K range (6 years ago). they were around 50% at each school. Got 80% of tuition at a 65K school ranked near120---my kid was 85%+ for that school. We were not even searching for merit, but it comes easily at most private schools ranked 50+, if your kid is 50%+

So that kid had 3 schools costing around $40K/year and 1 school costing ~$25K/year. Oh and 2 in-state schools (not the flagship, but good schools) that with merit was only $18-20K/year.
That kid is a good student, but not "great student"---they were not competitive for T50 schools.

My great student (3.98UW, 10 AP, 1520, excellent ECs) got 50% of total costs at a T50 school, bringing cost to $43K. And 50% of tuition at T65 school, so freshman costs would have been ~$48K. We did all of this without even searching for merit---they are attending a T40 school for full pay at $90K+. But had we been searching, they could have found many places for under $20-25K, and gone in-state for about $15K.

I am having trouble identifying these schools. It is VERY overwhelming to me. I'm open to any level school at all, I really don't care. I just do not want to pay 90k, and I also want him to really like where he goes. Right now we do not have a good list for this.

Maybe he has one

[Anonymous]

Throw a dart at some schools in your price range. It doesn’t matter that much in the long run. DC will be OK

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

I doubt this. I think you would be stressing regardless. You need to give your kid a price range and have them find schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

So stop looking at T25 schools (you won't get merit there). Search in the 30-100 range (if you have a good student, go lower if needed). Basically find a good list of schools that give merit, then find ones where your kid is at/above 75-90% for scores/gpa and the acceptance rates are 25%+. Find some that are also 50-60%+. that is where you will find merit. It exists for all kids.
My 1200/3.5UW/No AP kid got 35% of tuition at 3 schools in the $65K range (6 years ago). they were around 50% at each school. Got 80% of tuition at a 65K school ranked near120---my kid was 85%+ for that school. We were not even searching for merit, but it comes easily at most private schools ranked 50+, if your kid is 50%+

So that kid had 3 schools costing around $40K/year and 1 school costing ~$25K/year. Oh and 2 in-state schools (not the flagship, but good schools) that with merit was only $18-20K/year.
That kid is a good student, but not "great student"---they were not competitive for T50 schools.

My great student (3.98UW, 10 AP, 1520, excellent ECs) got 50% of total costs at a T50 school, bringing cost to $43K. And 50% of tuition at T65 school, so freshman costs would have been ~$48K. We did all of this without even searching for merit---they are attending a T40 school for full pay at $90K+. But had we been searching, they could have found many places for under $20-25K, and gone in-state for about $15K.

I am having trouble identifying these schools. It is VERY overwhelming to me. I'm open to any level school at all, I really don't care. I just do not want to pay 90k, and I also want him to really like where he goes. Right now we do not have a good list for this.

DP. OK, OP, many are here to help. Please tell us:
Grades and scores?
Annual budget?
Possible majors?
Geographic preferences? I see California. Anything else?
Size preference, small/medium/large?

What schools does he love, what are his top choices? That might also help point to alternatives. There is no perfect college, but surely there will be good alternatives of some kind.

3.9 something unweighted, 1390 SAT, undecided, prefers CA, would like to swim (club), outgoing kid who loves sports of all kinds, also likes Tulane and UMiami which are a no due to cost, UNC but he would not get in. I would like to stay under 50k
(Have another child as well in 10th)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy, wait till you get to the actual application process. I was super stressed out by the fact that DC was applying to very expensive schools which I would pay for if they got into a T10.

DC was rejected, but aint gonna lie, I was kinda relieved. They are at the state flagship with merit.

That's what we are doing now.

What is it that you are "researching"? If your kid wants to go to some expensive college, and you know it has a good rep for their intended major, then what do you need to research?

You already know you won't get aid. We didn't.

IMO, the most stressful part was waiting for the decision because of the cost.

-pp

I am trying to find better, cheaper options he might like! The list is grim so far. Out of all the schools he put on common app we can afford very few.

If you are not willing to pay for it, then you need to tell him to find alternatives.

My DC had super super high stats. They were only planning to apply to two T10 schools and our state flagship. I made them apply to a few other schools, just in case, but I think it was halfhearted really. But, DC picked those alternatives. I pushed for them to apply to a specific school as a safety, but they didn't want to. So, I dropped it.

Regardless, your DC needs to find those alternatives, not you. You just need to provide the guardrails for finances and maybe location, if that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

So stop looking at T25 schools (you won't get merit there). Search in the 30-100 range (if you have a good student, go lower if needed). Basically find a good list of schools that give merit, then find ones where your kid is at/above 75-90% for scores/gpa and the acceptance rates are 25%+. Find some that are also 50-60%+. that is where you will find merit. It exists for all kids.
My 1200/3.5UW/No AP kid got 35% of tuition at 3 schools in the $65K range (6 years ago). they were around 50% at each school. Got 80% of tuition at a 65K school ranked near120---my kid was 85%+ for that school. We were not even searching for merit, but it comes easily at most private schools ranked 50+, if your kid is 50%+

So that kid had 3 schools costing around $40K/year and 1 school costing ~$25K/year. Oh and 2 in-state schools (not the flagship, but good schools) that with merit was only $18-20K/year.
That kid is a good student, but not "great student"---they were not competitive for T50 schools.

My great student (3.98UW, 10 AP, 1520, excellent ECs) got 50% of total costs at a T50 school, bringing cost to $43K. And 50% of tuition at T65 school, so freshman costs would have been ~$48K. We did all of this without even searching for merit---they are attending a T40 school for full pay at $90K+. But had we been searching, they could have found many places for under $20-25K, and gone in-state for about $15K.

I am having trouble identifying these schools. It is VERY overwhelming to me. I'm open to any level school at all, I really don't care. I just do not want to pay 90k, and I also want him to really like where he goes. Right now we do not have a good list for this.

DP. OK, OP, many are here to help. Please tell us:
Grades and scores?
Annual budget?
Possible majors?
Geographic preferences? I see California. Anything else?
Size preference, small/medium/large?

What schools does he love, what are his top choices? That might also help point to alternatives. There is no perfect college, but surely there will be good alternatives of some kind.

3.9 something unweighted, 1390 SAT, undecided, prefers CA, would like to swim (club), outgoing kid who loves sports of all kinds, also likes Tulane and UMiami which are a no due to cost, UNC but he would not get in. I would like to stay under 50k
(Have another child as well in 10th)

Most CA schools are not worth the OOS costs, and with those stats, they aren't getting into the Cal and UCLA level. UC schools are almost $80K oos. Think about the high housing costs.

-former Californian who went to a public CA college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

So stop looking at T25 schools (you won't get merit there). Search in the 30-100 range (if you have a good student, go lower if needed). Basically find a good list of schools that give merit, then find ones where your kid is at/above 75-90% for scores/gpa and the acceptance rates are 25%+. Find some that are also 50-60%+. that is where you will find merit. It exists for all kids.
My 1200/3.5UW/No AP kid got 35% of tuition at 3 schools in the $65K range (6 years ago). they were around 50% at each school. Got 80% of tuition at a 65K school ranked near120---my kid was 85%+ for that school. We were not even searching for merit, but it comes easily at most private schools ranked 50+, if your kid is 50%+

So that kid had 3 schools costing around $40K/year and 1 school costing ~$25K/year. Oh and 2 in-state schools (not the flagship, but good schools) that with merit was only $18-20K/year.
That kid is a good student, but not "great student"---they were not competitive for T50 schools.

My great student (3.98UW, 10 AP, 1520, excellent ECs) got 50% of total costs at a T50 school, bringing cost to $43K. And 50% of tuition at T65 school, so freshman costs would have been ~$48K. We did all of this without even searching for merit---they are attending a T40 school for full pay at $90K+. But had we been searching, they could have found many places for under $20-25K, and gone in-state for about $15K.

I am having trouble identifying these schools. It is VERY overwhelming to me. I'm open to any level school at all, I really don't care. I just do not want to pay 90k, and I also want him to really like where he goes. Right now we do not have a good list for this.

DP. OK, OP, many are here to help. Please tell us:
Grades and scores?
Annual budget?
Possible majors?
Geographic preferences? I see California. Anything else?
Size preference, small/medium/large?

What schools does he love, what are his top choices? That might also help point to alternatives. There is no perfect college, but surely there will be good alternatives of some kind.

3.9 something unweighted, 1390 SAT, undecided, prefers CA, would like to swim (club), outgoing kid who loves sports of all kinds, also likes Tulane and UMiami which are a no due to cost, UNC but he would not get in. I would like to stay under 50k
(Have another child as well in 10th)

Major?

You could do CSUs for 50k or under, depending on the specific one. Cal Poly is what I'd be thinking.

Alternatively, CA privates. He could potentially get merit at SCU, LMU, USD, which of course would be necessary to get anywhere close to budget. SCU is probably out of range.

Just thinking out loud, what about merit at ASU, Oregon State, maybe even UW?

[Anonymous]

SDSU