I'm going to have a nervous breakdown

[Anonymous]

OP, your kid will get in somewhere and they will be fine. The two most successful people I know (retired early 40s) went to state schools that are regularly laughed at on this board. One school is ranked 100+ and second is ranked 300+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^PP, I don't know why you are telling OP that SDSU is 18k. SDSU's out of state cost of attendance is 50k. https://sacd.sdsu.edu/financial-aid/financial-aid/eligibility/cost-of-attendance/cost-of-attendance-tables/undergraduate-non-resident

OOS tuition is a bargain at $21,328, while room & board at $23,030 is way higher than the East coast. In any case, the overall OOS direct costs of $44,358 are significantly lower than most of the flagships regularly discussed on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Read the Jeff S. Book. That helps.

[Anonymous]

yes, its going to be a joint decision but the reason to put more of the work on your student is to help him find something that he is invested in. Otherwise you just keep with the dynamic of parent suggesting something like a menu of options and kid rejecting it. Kid needs to make the decision - I really like X school and it’s worth it to me to go the ROTC route in order to go to that school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read the Jeff S. Book. That helps.

The guy that went to Ithica College?

[Anonymous]

I'd suggest reading this book. https://www.amazon.com/College-Admissions-Scholarships-Candace-Chambers/dp/B09Y4PSW7G I'm sure there are others, but that's a good place to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Like others have said, don't put too much emphasis on the school. Donald Trump wanted to go to USC - but didn't get in. He went on to Fordham and then Wharton and later President. So not getting into your kid's first choice will not doom your kid to a life of failure. I think that there are many other factors that play a MUCH MORE significant role in future success. If your kid doesn't get into his/her first choice, it only means that he/she didn't get into their first choice - and that's it.

That’s your model, really? Cheated on SATs and father bought his way into Wharton. In those days, the University of Spoiled Children was easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^PP, I don't know why you are telling OP that SDSU is 18k. SDSU's out of state cost of attendance is 50k. https://sacd.sdsu.edu/financial-aid/financial-aid/eligibility/cost-of-attendance/cost-of-attendance-tables/undergraduate-non-resident

OOS tuition is a bargain at $21,328, while room & board at $23,030 is way higher than the East coast. In any case, the overall OOS direct costs of $44,358 are significantly lower than most of the flagships regularly discussed on DCUM.

Add in expensive travel to CA. Not only is housing in CA expensive but so is everything else.

I went to a CSU. I would not pay that much for my kid to go to a CSU school. It's a bargain and great for in state, not so much for oos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^PP, I don't know why you are telling OP that SDSU is 18k. SDSU's out of state cost of attendance is 50k. https://sacd.sdsu.edu/financial-aid/financial-aid/eligibility/cost-of-attendance/cost-of-attendance-tables/undergraduate-non-resident

OOS tuition is a bargain at $21,328, while room & board at $23,030 is way higher than the East coast. In any case, the overall OOS direct costs of $44,358 are significantly lower than most of the flagships regularly discussed on DCUM.

Add in expensive travel to CA. Not only is housing in CA expensive but so is everything else.

I went to a CSU. I would not pay that much for my kid to go to a CSU school. It's a bargain and great for in state, not so much for oos.

Yeah, unless you live in California, OP, or at least nearby, I’m having trouble reconciling your concern with value and also trying to satisfy your kid’s desire to be in CA, especially since he can’t even be bothered to do his own research.

[Anonymous]

Tell him no to the Cals and other expensive options.

Otherwise, it's probably easiest to give him budgetary guidelines, and let him do the primary research on the schools. Then you're just responsible for following up on the shorter list he provides.

[Anonymous]

State school if you have that option, and if not (DC people), lots of private schools below 40 give significant merit aid, and they are amazing colleges.

You have to give up the idea that there are bad choices or that it's top 10 or bust. In such thinking lies the path to destruction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:State school if you have that option, and if not (DC people), lots of private schools below 40 give significant merit aid, and they are amazing colleges.

You have to give up the idea that there are bad choices or that it's top 10 or bust. In such thinking lies the path to destruction.

My ds cannot get into a top 10 school! Or probably even top 50. As for private schools giving so much aid, I have not actually found any where that would be the case. Most are over 70k, and then you can hope for "some aid". Because he does not have a high SAT score, he will not qualify for the very large awards. If you have found a school that will definitely give a kid like mine (1390 SAT and all As) tons of merit bringing the cost down significantly, please share because I will want him to consider it and apply if he likes it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State school if you have that option, and if not (DC people), lots of private schools below 40 give significant merit aid, and they are amazing colleges.

You have to give up the idea that there are bad choices or that it's top 10 or bust. In such thinking lies the path to destruction.

My ds cannot get into a top 10 school! Or probably even top 50. As for private schools giving so much aid, I have not actually found any where that would be the case. Most are over 70k, and then you can hope for "some aid". Because he does not have a high SAT score, he will not qualify for the very large awards. If you have found a school that will definitely give a kid like mine (1390 SAT and all As) tons of merit bringing the cost down significantly, please share because I will want him to consider it and apply if he likes it!

Look at privates between rank 50 and 100. Gonzaga, TCU, LMU, USD, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

You can't be serious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this. Tell your kid what their limit is and what colleges or majors you won't pay for if there are any restrictions. Find out what schools they are interested and get a checklist for these and then just try to help your kid stay on top of the deadlines. This is more than most parents do.

And so kids end up with extremely random lists of colleges to apply for? Because this is what ds has now. It feels a little ridiculous.

No, you assist with the process. Most 17 yo are not fully capable of researching in detail what is important in the decision. Many don't even know what they want to major in and if they think they do, 75% will change at least once.
When it costs this much, you don't just sit back and wait for them to do it all (often at the last minute). You help guide them, let them do the heavy work, but you guide. And you include finances in the picture. A 90K school that doesn't give significant merit to most is not a viable option if you are full pay and only want to spend $50K. So better to not allow your kid to fall in love with schools like that.