I'm going to have a nervous breakdown

[Anonymous]

Based on your replies about CA schools, OP, try UNC Wilmington and ASU. Stop stressing and say “No” to schools you can’t afford. Don’t waste his application/essay time on those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

So stop looking at T25 schools (you won't get merit there). Search in the 30-100 range (if you have a good student, go lower if needed). Basically find a good list of schools that give merit, then find ones where your kid is at/above 75-90% for scores/gpa and the acceptance rates are 25%+. Find some that are also 50-60%+. that is where you will find merit. It exists for all kids.
My 1200/3.5UW/No AP kid got 35% of tuition at 3 schools in the $65K range (6 years ago). they were around 50% at each school. Got 80% of tuition at a 65K school ranked near120---my kid was 85%+ for that school. We were not even searching for merit, but it comes easily at most private schools ranked 50+, if your kid is 50%+

So that kid had 3 schools costing around $40K/year and 1 school costing ~$25K/year. Oh and 2 in-state schools (not the flagship, but good schools) that with merit was only $18-20K/year.
That kid is a good student, but not "great student"---they were not competitive for T50 schools.

My great student (3.98UW, 10 AP, 1520, excellent ECs) got 50% of total costs at a T50 school, bringing cost to $43K. And 50% of tuition at T65 school, so freshman costs would have been ~$48K. We did all of this without even searching for merit---they are attending a T40 school for full pay at $90K+. But had we been searching, they could have found many places for under $20-25K, and gone in-state for about $15K.

I am having trouble identifying these schools. It is VERY overwhelming to me. I'm open to any level school at all, I really don't care. I just do not want to pay 90k, and I also want him to really like where he goes. Right now we do not have a good list for this.

So for DCUM to help in anyway, you need to provide stats (GPA/SAT), intended major/possible other majors or minors, what's important to your kid (large school, mid size, small---urban vs rural).

As a starter look at private schools in the 40-100 rankings---more privates give merit than state schools. Most Jesuit schools give good merit.

We need more information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

So stop looking at T25 schools (you won't get merit there). Search in the 30-100 range (if you have a good student, go lower if needed). Basically find a good list of schools that give merit, then find ones where your kid is at/above 75-90% for scores/gpa and the acceptance rates are 25%+. Find some that are also 50-60%+. that is where you will find merit. It exists for all kids.
My 1200/3.5UW/No AP kid got 35% of tuition at 3 schools in the $65K range (6 years ago). they were around 50% at each school. Got 80% of tuition at a 65K school ranked near120---my kid was 85%+ for that school. We were not even searching for merit, but it comes easily at most private schools ranked 50+, if your kid is 50%+

So that kid had 3 schools costing around $40K/year and 1 school costing ~$25K/year. Oh and 2 in-state schools (not the flagship, but good schools) that with merit was only $18-20K/year.
That kid is a good student, but not "great student"---they were not competitive for T50 schools.

My great student (3.98UW, 10 AP, 1520, excellent ECs) got 50% of total costs at a T50 school, bringing cost to $43K. And 50% of tuition at T65 school, so freshman costs would have been ~$48K. We did all of this without even searching for merit---they are attending a T40 school for full pay at $90K+. But had we been searching, they could have found many places for under $20-25K, and gone in-state for about $15K.

I am having trouble identifying these schools. It is VERY overwhelming to me. I'm open to any level school at all, I really don't care. I just do not want to pay 90k, and I also want him to really like where he goes. Right now we do not have a good list for this.

DP. OK, OP, many are here to help. Please tell us:
Grades and scores?
Annual budget?
Possible majors?
Geographic preferences? I see California. Anything else?
Size preference, small/medium/large?

What schools does he love, what are his top choices? That might also help point to alternatives. There is no perfect college, but surely there will be good alternatives of some kind.

3.9 something unweighted, 1390 SAT, undecided, prefers CA, would like to swim (club), outgoing kid who loves sports of all kinds, also likes Tulane and UMiami which are a no due to cost, UNC but he would not get in. I would like to stay under 50k
(Have another child as well in 10th)

Most CA schools are not worth the OOS costs, and with those stats, they aren't getting into the Cal and UCLA level. UC schools are almost $80K oos. Think about the high housing costs.

-former Californian who went to a public CA college

+1

He needs to ditch the CA or bust idea.

What is desired major? You can try some of the privates, but ditch the CM schools---your kid is not at level to compete there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State school if you have that option, and if not (DC people), lots of private schools below 40 give significant merit aid, and they are amazing colleges.

You have to give up the idea that there are bad choices or that it's top 10 or bust. In such thinking lies the path to destruction.

My ds cannot get into a top 10 school! Or probably even top 50. As for private schools giving so much aid, I have not actually found any where that would be the case. Most are over 70k, and then you can hope for "some aid". Because he does not have a high SAT score, he will not qualify for the very large awards. If you have found a school that will definitely give a kid like mine (1390 SAT and all As) tons of merit bringing the cost down significantly, please share because I will want him to consider it and apply if he likes it!

There is no “definitely” about tons of merit and it will likely be a school that DCUM sneers at.

Nothing wrong with JMU at $33k a year, and 1390 is over their SAT range.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

So stop looking at T25 schools (you won't get merit there). Search in the 30-100 range (if you have a good student, go lower if needed). Basically find a good list of schools that give merit, then find ones where your kid is at/above 75-90% for scores/gpa and the acceptance rates are 25%+. Find some that are also 50-60%+. that is where you will find merit. It exists for all kids.
My 1200/3.5UW/No AP kid got 35% of tuition at 3 schools in the $65K range (6 years ago). they were around 50% at each school. Got 80% of tuition at a 65K school ranked near120---my kid was 85%+ for that school. We were not even searching for merit, but it comes easily at most private schools ranked 50+, if your kid is 50%+

So that kid had 3 schools costing around $40K/year and 1 school costing ~$25K/year. Oh and 2 in-state schools (not the flagship, but good schools) that with merit was only $18-20K/year.
That kid is a good student, but not "great student"---they were not competitive for T50 schools.

My great student (3.98UW, 10 AP, 1520, excellent ECs) got 50% of total costs at a T50 school, bringing cost to $43K. And 50% of tuition at T65 school, so freshman costs would have been ~$48K. We did all of this without even searching for merit---they are attending a T40 school for full pay at $90K+. But had we been searching, they could have found many places for under $20-25K, and gone in-state for about $15K.

Any chance you can name the T50 and the T65 schools? I'm looking for ideas for a similar kid.

Kid is engineering and 5-8K size. So CWRU (T50) and WPI (T65). Kid will get more merit at WPI if female, as they are constantly attempting to balance the freshman class (M/F), which is difficult to do at an engineering school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

So stop looking at T25 schools (you won't get merit there). Search in the 30-100 range (if you have a good student, go lower if needed). Basically find a good list of schools that give merit, then find ones where your kid is at/above 75-90% for scores/gpa and the acceptance rates are 25%+. Find some that are also 50-60%+. that is where you will find merit. It exists for all kids.
My 1200/3.5UW/No AP kid got 35% of tuition at 3 schools in the $65K range (6 years ago). they were around 50% at each school. Got 80% of tuition at a 65K school ranked near120---my kid was 85%+ for that school. We were not even searching for merit, but it comes easily at most private schools ranked 50+, if your kid is 50%+

So that kid had 3 schools costing around $40K/year and 1 school costing ~$25K/year. Oh and 2 in-state schools (not the flagship, but good schools) that with merit was only $18-20K/year.
That kid is a good student, but not "great student"---they were not competitive for T50 schools.

My great student (3.98UW, 10 AP, 1520, excellent ECs) got 50% of total costs at a T50 school, bringing cost to $43K. And 50% of tuition at T65 school, so freshman costs would have been ~$48K. We did all of this without even searching for merit---they are attending a T40 school for full pay at $90K+. But had we been searching, they could have found many places for under $20-25K, and gone in-state for about $15K.

I am having trouble identifying these schools. It is VERY overwhelming to me. I'm open to any level school at all, I really don't care. I just do not want to pay 90k, and I also want him to really like where he goes. Right now we do not have a good list for this.

So for DCUM to help in anyway, you need to provide stats (GPA/SAT), intended major/possible other majors or minors, what's important to your kid (large school, mid size, small---urban vs rural).

As a starter look at private schools in the 40-100 rankings---more privates give merit than state schools. Most Jesuit schools give good merit.

We need more information.

See 12:51, though OP has not mentioned major.

3.9 something unweighted, 1390 SAT, undecided, prefers CA, would like to swim (club), outgoing kid who loves sports of all kinds, also likes Tulane and UMiami which are a no due to cost, UNC but he would not get in. I would like to stay under 50k
(Have another child as well in 10th)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

So stop looking at T25 schools (you won't get merit there). Search in the 30-100 range (if you have a good student, go lower if needed). Basically find a good list of schools that give merit, then find ones where your kid is at/above 75-90% for scores/gpa and the acceptance rates are 25%+. Find some that are also 50-60%+. that is where you will find merit. It exists for all kids.
My 1200/3.5UW/No AP kid got 35% of tuition at 3 schools in the $65K range (6 years ago). they were around 50% at each school. Got 80% of tuition at a 65K school ranked near120---my kid was 85%+ for that school. We were not even searching for merit, but it comes easily at most private schools ranked 50+, if your kid is 50%+

So that kid had 3 schools costing around $40K/year and 1 school costing ~$25K/year. Oh and 2 in-state schools (not the flagship, but good schools) that with merit was only $18-20K/year.
That kid is a good student, but not "great student"---they were not competitive for T50 schools.

My great student (3.98UW, 10 AP, 1520, excellent ECs) got 50% of total costs at a T50 school, bringing cost to $43K. And 50% of tuition at T65 school, so freshman costs would have been ~$48K. We did all of this without even searching for merit---they are attending a T40 school for full pay at $90K+. But had we been searching, they could have found many places for under $20-25K, and gone in-state for about $15K.

I am having trouble identifying these schools. It is VERY overwhelming to me. I'm open to any level school at all, I really don't care. I just do not want to pay 90k, and I also want him to really like where he goes. Right now we do not have a good list for this.

So for DCUM to help in anyway, you need to provide stats (GPA/SAT), intended major/possible other majors or minors, what's important to your kid (large school, mid size, small---urban vs rural).

As a starter look at private schools in the 40-100 rankings---more privates give merit than state schools. Most Jesuit schools give good merit.

We need more information.

I gave stats earlier in the thread: 3.9 something unweighted, 1390 sat, undecided major. All the school I looked up do not seem like they would give sufficient merit to a kid like him to compensate for the high tuition as he wouldn’t get the highest awards. Are the school estimates more conservative than reality? Once housing is factored in even with aid it’s all expensive.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the people saying your kid should do all the research. My adhd kid would not be in college if I had waited for them to do that.

Kids mature at different rates. Those telling you to make the kid do it all alone may have a more mature kid who is maybe doing every last bit or that person is lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

So stop looking at T25 schools (you won't get merit there). Search in the 30-100 range (if you have a good student, go lower if needed). Basically find a good list of schools that give merit, then find ones where your kid is at/above 75-90% for scores/gpa and the acceptance rates are 25%+. Find some that are also 50-60%+. that is where you will find merit. It exists for all kids.
My 1200/3.5UW/No AP kid got 35% of tuition at 3 schools in the $65K range (6 years ago). they were around 50% at each school. Got 80% of tuition at a 65K school ranked near120---my kid was 85%+ for that school. We were not even searching for merit, but it comes easily at most private schools ranked 50+, if your kid is 50%+

So that kid had 3 schools costing around $40K/year and 1 school costing ~$25K/year. Oh and 2 in-state schools (not the flagship, but good schools) that with merit was only $18-20K/year.
That kid is a good student, but not "great student"---they were not competitive for T50 schools.

My great student (3.98UW, 10 AP, 1520, excellent ECs) got 50% of total costs at a T50 school, bringing cost to $43K. And 50% of tuition at T65 school, so freshman costs would have been ~$48K. We did all of this without even searching for merit---they are attending a T40 school for full pay at $90K+. But had we been searching, they could have found many places for under $20-25K, and gone in-state for about $15K.

I am having trouble identifying these schools. It is VERY overwhelming to me. I'm open to any level school at all, I really don't care. I just do not want to pay 90k, and I also want him to really like where he goes. Right now we do not have a good list for this.

So for DCUM to help in anyway, you need to provide stats (GPA/SAT), intended major/possible other majors or minors, what's important to your kid (large school, mid size, small---urban vs rural).

As a starter look at private schools in the 40-100 rankings---more privates give merit than state schools. Most Jesuit schools give good merit.

We need more information.

We don't, because we read the thread. The info is given in it.

[Anonymous]

hire a consultant. seriously

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State school if you have that option, and if not (DC people), lots of private schools below 40 give significant merit aid, and they are amazing colleges.

You have to give up the idea that there are bad choices or that it's top 10 or bust. In such thinking lies the path to destruction.

My ds cannot get into a top 10 school! Or probably even top 50. As for private schools giving so much aid, I have not actually found any where that would be the case. Most are over 70k, and then you can hope for "some aid". Because he does not have a high SAT score, he will not qualify for the very large awards. If you have found a school that will definitely give a kid like mine (1390 SAT and all As) tons of merit bringing the cost down significantly, please share because I will want him to consider it and apply if he likes it!

Private schools do give excellent aid--plenty of them. Just not T25 schools.
Key is to be in the 50-75%+ for stats. The higher the better. My kid got $160K+ for 4 years at a school that costs $85K (ranked about 50). Got ~$100K for one costing $65K/year.
Merit exists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your student do this.

Have you student do this. Don’t add to the pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State school if you have that option, and if not (DC people), lots of private schools below 40 give significant merit aid, and they are amazing colleges.

You have to give up the idea that there are bad choices or that it's top 10 or bust. In such thinking lies the path to destruction.

My ds cannot get into a top 10 school! Or probably even top 50. As for private schools giving so much aid, I have not actually found any where that would be the case. Most are over 70k, and then you can hope for "some aid". Because he does not have a high SAT score, he will not qualify for the very large awards. If you have found a school that will definitely give a kid like mine (1390 SAT and all As) tons of merit bringing the cost down significantly, please share because I will want him to consider it and apply if he likes it!

Private schools do give excellent aid--plenty of them. Just not T25 schools.
Key is to be in the 50-75%+ for stats. The higher the better. My kid got $160K+ for 4 years at a school that costs $85K (ranked about 50). Got ~$100K for one costing $65K/year.
Merit exists.

So merit can be more money than schools indicate is possible online? That is the part that is stressing me out the most. To be clear I am not looking at top schools! But the merit money never seems that high.

[Anonymous]

I think this is an issue for therapy, OP. Paths will diverge plenty of times over the course of your kids' lives, and they will be equipped to handle either one. Their lives aren't going to be destroyed because you had them choose a school the family could afford.

Sometimes our basic survival instincts (provide the best for your kids so they don't get eaten by a saber-tooth tiger!) can go a bit awry in the modern world. You have to believe that they are going to be OK whether their college costs $90k or $40k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people do all this? I have been researching so many colleges in between work tasks and it is too complicated and overwhelming. I feel like I am not equipped for this, that a wrong decision could have devastating consequences, financially, emotionally...

Your kid should be doing this, not you.

I'm paying for it so I need to be involved. If I could afford full pay 90k/year I wouldn't be stressing out.

So stop looking at T25 schools (you won't get merit there). Search in the 30-100 range (if you have a good student, go lower if needed). Basically find a good list of schools that give merit, then find ones where your kid is at/above 75-90% for scores/gpa and the acceptance rates are 25%+. Find some that are also 50-60%+. that is where you will find merit. It exists for all kids.
My 1200/3.5UW/No AP kid got 35% of tuition at 3 schools in the $65K range (6 years ago). they were around 50% at each school. Got 80% of tuition at a 65K school ranked near120---my kid was 85%+ for that school. We were not even searching for merit, but it comes easily at most private schools ranked 50+, if your kid is 50%+

So that kid had 3 schools costing around $40K/year and 1 school costing ~$25K/year. Oh and 2 in-state schools (not the flagship, but good schools) that with merit was only $18-20K/year.
That kid is a good student, but not "great student"---they were not competitive for T50 schools.

My great student (3.98UW, 10 AP, 1520, excellent ECs) got 50% of total costs at a T50 school, bringing cost to $43K. And 50% of tuition at T65 school, so freshman costs would have been ~$48K. We did all of this without even searching for merit---they are attending a T40 school for full pay at $90K+. But had we been searching, they could have found many places for under $20-25K, and gone in-state for about $15K.

I am having trouble identifying these schools. It is VERY overwhelming to me. I'm open to any level school at all, I really don't care. I just do not want to pay 90k, and I also want him to really like where he goes. Right now we do not have a good list for this.

So for DCUM to help in anyway, you need to provide stats (GPA/SAT), intended major/possible other majors or minors, what's important to your kid (large school, mid size, small---urban vs rural).

As a starter look at private schools in the 40-100 rankings---more privates give merit than state schools. Most Jesuit schools give good merit.

We need more information.

I gave stats earlier in the thread: 3.9 something unweighted, 1390 sat, undecided major. All the school I looked up do not seem like they would give sufficient merit to a kid like him to compensate for the high tuition as he wouldn’t get the highest awards. Are the school estimates more conservative than reality? Once housing is factored in even with aid it’s all expensive.

Look beyond top 50.

ASU's Net Price Calculator, with $0 need based aid, 3.9/1390, gives a scholarship of 16k and resulting out of state net price of 40k