My best friend’s kid is very dark

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend’s rising 5th grader is very dark—into vampires, talking about death, etc. Also identifies as nonbinary and autistic but my friend has told me that the therapist is doubtful about both of those things—seems like the kid is just “trying out” identities.

We’ve always hung out a ton with their family but, as summer comes to an end, I’m feeling like the 5th grader is just sort of a source of bad info and a bad influence. For example, she has convinced by 3rd grader that she has ADHD (no doc or teacher has brought this up, but now my kid is convinced that she has adhd and is mad at me for “not treating it”). I don’t love a 10 year old diagnosing my 8 year old.

Anyway, I would have no issue with my kid having adhd or being gender queer or any of my friend’s kid’s identities but the whole situation just feels a little challenging. My friend’s kid is at a totally appropriate age for testing out these type of identities and I feel like my kid who is a few years younger and much less mature is getting swept into before she’s ready or would otherwise be interested.

Just not sure how to handle this. We love hanging out with this family.

ASD wannabes. Didn't see that coming, but it was probably inevitable. I'm neurodivergent, and calling yourself such has become, quite inexplicably, some kind of badge of honor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Convincing your child they have ADHD is a problem, but I'm not sure what that has to do with being into vampires.

+1

This is a big problem. OP should schedule an appointment with the pediatrician to explore this, and then she should keep the kids apart. The gap between 8 and 10 can be huge for some children and in this case, it is too much.

Disclosure: My kids have ADHD and if they started diagnosing other kids, I would be quite upset with them. It turns out that most of their friends have ADHD (like finds like), but they certainly didn't plan that or orchestrate it purposefully.

[Anonymous]

If a kid told me that they identity as autistic, I would immediately correct them. That's a diagnosis. Not an identity.

Adults need to start checking kids with this ridiculous stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a kid told me that they identity as autistic, I would immediately correct them. That's a diagnosis. Not an identity.

Adults need to start checking kids with this ridiculous stuff.

For better or worse, self-diagnosis is widespread. Usually a little older than 10 though, tbf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend’s rising 5th grader is very dark—into vampires, talking about death, etc. Also identifies as nonbinary and autistic but my friend has told me that the therapist is doubtful about both of those things—seems like the kid is just “trying out” identities.

We’ve always hung out a ton with their family but, as summer comes to an end, I’m feeling like the 5th grader is just sort of a source of bad info and a bad influence. For example, she has convinced by 3rd grader that she has ADHD (no doc or teacher has brought this up, but now my kid is convinced that she has adhd and is mad at me for “not treating it”). I don’t love a 10 year old diagnosing my 8 year old.

Anyway, I would have no issue with my kid having adhd or being gender queer or any of my friend’s kid’s identities but the whole situation just feels a little challenging. My friend’s kid is at a totally appropriate age for testing out these type of identities and I feel like my kid who is a few years younger and much less mature is getting swept into before she’s ready or would otherwise be interested.

Just not sure how to handle this. We love hanging out with this family.

How on EARTH would your child know what this other child's therapist would say, let alone that the therapist is "doubtful" and says the friend is "trying out identities."

Setting aside the fact that these are not things a therapist would say, except maybe to reassure an anxious parent, it's completely unbelievable that your child would be privy to these comments.

So, either you're trolling or this "friend" is actually your child and a therapist has said these things to you.

Which is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend’s rising 5th grader is very dark—into vampires, talking about death, etc. Also identifies as nonbinary and autistic but my friend has told me that the therapist is doubtful about both of those things—seems like the kid is just “trying out” identities.

We’ve always hung out a ton with their family but, as summer comes to an end, I’m feeling like the 5th grader is just sort of a source of bad info and a bad influence. For example, she has convinced by 3rd grader that she has ADHD (no doc or teacher has brought this up, but now my kid is convinced that she has adhd and is mad at me for “not treating it”). I don’t love a 10 year old diagnosing my 8 year old.

Anyway, I would have no issue with my kid having adhd or being gender queer or any of my friend’s kid’s identities but the whole situation just feels a little challenging. My friend’s kid is at a totally appropriate age for testing out these type of identities and I feel like my kid who is a few years younger and much less mature is getting swept into before she’s ready or would otherwise be interested.

Just not sure how to handle this. We love hanging out with this family.

ASD wannabes. Didn't see that coming, but it was probably inevitable. I'm neurodivergent, and calling yourself such has become, quite inexplicably, some kind of badge of honor.

Well, using bullshit clinical terms like "neurodivergent" kind of feeds that. But people wanting attention is hardly a new phenomenon -- particularly among younger people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend’s rising 5th grader is very dark—into vampires, talking about death, etc. Also identifies as nonbinary and autistic but my friend has told me that the therapist is doubtful about both of those things—seems like the kid is just “trying out” identities.

We’ve always hung out a ton with their family but, as summer comes to an end, I’m feeling like the 5th grader is just sort of a source of bad info and a bad influence. For example, she has convinced by 3rd grader that she has ADHD (no doc or teacher has brought this up, but now my kid is convinced that she has adhd and is mad at me for “not treating it”). I don’t love a 10 year old diagnosing my 8 year old.

Anyway, I would have no issue with my kid having adhd or being gender queer or any of my friend’s kid’s identities but the whole situation just feels a little challenging. My friend’s kid is at a totally appropriate age for testing out these type of identities and I feel like my kid who is a few years younger and much less mature is getting swept into before she’s ready or would otherwise be interested.

Just not sure how to handle this. We love hanging out with this family.

How on EARTH would your child know what this other child's therapist would say, let alone that the therapist is "doubtful" and says the friend is "trying out identities."

Setting aside the fact that these are not things a therapist would say, except maybe to reassure an anxious parent, it's completely unbelievable that your child would be privy to these comments.

So, either you're trolling or this "friend" is actually your child and a therapist has said these things to you.

Which is it?

The other parent "my friend" told OP. That's pretty clear from reading it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend’s rising 5th grader is very dark—into vampires, talking about death, etc. Also identifies as nonbinary and autistic but my friend has told me that the therapist is doubtful about both of those things—seems like the kid is just “trying out” identities.

We’ve always hung out a ton with their family but, as summer comes to an end, I’m feeling like the 5th grader is just sort of a source of bad info and a bad influence. For example, she has convinced by 3rd grader that she has ADHD (no doc or teacher has brought this up, but now my kid is convinced that she has adhd and is mad at me for “not treating it”). I don’t love a 10 year old diagnosing my 8 year old.

Anyway, I would have no issue with my kid having adhd or being gender queer or any of my friend’s kid’s identities but the whole situation just feels a little challenging. My friend’s kid is at a totally appropriate age for testing out these type of identities and I feel like my kid who is a few years younger and much less mature is getting swept into before she’s ready or would otherwise be interested.

Just not sure how to handle this. We love hanging out with this family.

How on EARTH would your child know what this other child's therapist would say, let alone that the therapist is "doubtful" and says the friend is "trying out identities."

Setting aside the fact that these are not things a therapist would say, except maybe to reassure an anxious parent, it's completely unbelievable that your child would be privy to these comments.

So, either you're trolling or this "friend" is actually your child and a therapist has said these things to you.

Which is it?

PP you have reading comprehension issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Convincing your child they have ADHD is a problem, but I'm not sure what that has to do with being into vampires.

+1 You're mixing up a few issues OP. Not being a sunshine-y personality and goth-ish is not common these days. You can't change that the kid's natural personality. I would say even that an ignorant kid assigning a common diagnosis to another kid out of ignorance (and not malice) isn't entirely uncommon either. But for the latter, you can nip that in the bud and say that the Goth kid isn't a doctor and that doctors have never seen any signs of ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend’s rising 5th grader is very dark—into vampires, talking about death, etc. Also identifies as nonbinary and autistic but my friend has told me that the therapist is doubtful about both of those things—seems like the kid is just “trying out” identities.

We’ve always hung out a ton with their family but, as summer comes to an end, I’m feeling like the 5th grader is just sort of a source of bad info and a bad influence. For example, she has convinced by 3rd grader that she has ADHD (no doc or teacher has brought this up, but now my kid is convinced that she has adhd and is mad at me for “not treating it”). I don’t love a 10 year old diagnosing my 8 year old.

Anyway, I would have no issue with my kid having adhd or being gender queer or any of my friend’s kid’s identities but the whole situation just feels a little challenging. My friend’s kid is at a totally appropriate age for testing out these type of identities and I feel like my kid who is a few years younger and much less mature is getting swept into before she’s ready or would otherwise be interested.

Just not sure how to handle this. We love hanging out with this family.

ASD wannabes. Didn't see that coming, but it was probably inevitable. I'm neurodivergent, and calling yourself such has become, quite inexplicably, some kind of badge of honor.

Well, using bullshit clinical terms like "neurodivergent" kind of feeds that. But people wanting attention is hardly a new phenomenon -- particularly among younger people.

Wouldn't everyone want to be neurospicy? Sounds fun.

[Anonymous]

I have a 10 year old, and I have not seen this at all. This child sounds extremely troubled and clearly has waaaay too much online access. I would not let my kid hang out with this kid anymore. Yes it will hurt your friendship. Is your friend normal?

[Anonymous]

Vampires are dark now? Twilight was a whole thing for young girls (children) if you've forgotten?

How sheltered is your kid? Is this the one that cried at the opening ceremony of the olympics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend’s rising 5th grader is very dark—into vampires, talking about death, etc. Also identifies as nonbinary and autistic but my friend has told me that the therapist is doubtful about both of those things—seems like the kid is just “trying out” identities.

We’ve always hung out a ton with their family but, as summer comes to an end, I’m feeling like the 5th grader is just sort of a source of bad info and a bad influence. For example, she has convinced by 3rd grader that she has ADHD (no doc or teacher has brought this up, but now my kid is convinced that she has adhd and is mad at me for “not treating it”). I don’t love a 10 year old diagnosing my 8 year old.

Anyway, I would have no issue with my kid having adhd or being gender queer or any of my friend’s kid’s identities but the whole situation just feels a little challenging. My friend’s kid is at a totally appropriate age for testing out these type of identities and I feel like my kid who is a few years younger and much less mature is getting swept into before she’s ready or would otherwise be interested.

Just not sure how to handle this. We love hanging out with this family.

ASD wannabes. Didn't see that coming, but it was probably inevitable. I'm neurodivergent, and calling yourself such has become, quite inexplicably, some kind of badge of honor.

Well, using bullshit clinical terms like "neurodivergent" kind of feeds that. But people wanting attention is hardly a new phenomenon -- particularly among younger people.

Wouldn't everyone want to be neurospicy? Sounds fun.

Wouldn’t every 10 year-old want to be part of the fun new “non-binary” club ?

- that is what’s happening on social media and in our schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vampires are dark now? Twilight was a whole thing for young girls (children) if you've forgotten?

How sheltered is your kid? Is this the one that cried at the opening ceremony of the olympics?

The olympic opening ceremony made me cry too, though likely for different reasons. it was horrific

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 10 year old, and I have not seen this at all. This child sounds extremely troubled and clearly has waaaay too much online access. I would not let my kid hang out with this kid anymore. Yes it will hurt your friendship. Is your friend normal?

Same. I have a 10 year old boy but he has a lot of friends who are girls and from what I have seen of all the kids in his classroom, there are no goth kids at all. If a child wants to be a loner, let them lone.