My best friend’s kid is very dark
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My best friend’s rising 5th grader is very dark—into vampires, talking about death, etc. Also identifies as nonbinary and autistic but my friend has told me that the therapist is doubtful about both of those things—seems like the kid is just “trying out” identities.
We’ve always hung out a ton with their family but, as summer comes to an end, I’m feeling like the 5th grader is just sort of a source of bad info and a bad influence. For example, she has convinced by 3rd grader that she has ADHD (no doc or teacher has brought this up, but now my kid is convinced that she has adhd and is mad at me for “not treating it”). I don’t love a 10 year old diagnosing my 8 year old. Anyway, I would have no issue with my kid having adhd or being gender queer or any of my friend’s kid’s identities but the whole situation just feels a little challenging. My friend’s kid is at a totally appropriate age for testing out these type of identities and I feel like my kid who is a few years younger and much less mature is getting swept into before she’s ready or would otherwise be interested. Just not sure how to handle this. We love hanging out with this family. |
Anonymous
|
This is all so very typical for many 10 year olds. I get wanting to decrease exposure for your kid but there are a lot of 10 year olds out there like this. Some of them are trying on identities. Some of them are coming into their true selves. Time will tell. The venn diagram of kids with autism who are also nonbinary is almost a full circle. They can’t all be mistaken about themselves.
I would say your friends may need to do more to support their kid. That therapist who says they’re “trying things on” may be correct but also may be invalidating deeply held self knowledge. They should get neuropsych testing at least. Full disclosure - I’m the parent of a trans autistic tween. We had our kid tested. We got a new therapist because we needed someone he felt comfortable talking with about his gender identity. Without that trusted adult he would just get all his ideas of LGBTQ from other tweens and YouTube. Time will tell if it will hold. Our kid is not dark though. But he does struggle to connect with lots of other kids and our friendships have shifted accordingly. In some cases we just hang out as adults now. No hard feelings. Our kids just don’t gel anymore. That’s natural as they move into tween years and specialize in different interests. If you do decide to limit your child’s exposure to the 10 year old be careful how you talk about this change with your own kid. You don’t want the 8 year old believing your family doesn’t support this journey. Kids make weird assumptions. Stay positive about the other family even if you don’t all get together as much. |
Anonymous
| Buckle up. This is middle school for a lot of the outlier kids these days. |
Anonymous
|
Kids are far more aware these days, thanks to social media.
Early on, young kids are becoming aware of the climate-crisis, white-supremacy, all the transphobia, and maga through platforms like TikTok and Discord. It’s not “darkness,” OP . It’s a good thing. |
Anonymous
| My friend growing up were a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. |
Anonymous
| My 11 year old idolizes Wednesday Addams, so for her "dark" is super cool. It gets irritating but I'm sure I irritated the heck out of my mom trying my best to be like Madonna. |
Anonymous
|
The important thing is for them to learn about trans-identity, as young as possible.
TikTok can help. |
Anonymous
For a 10 year old? No, falling down online rabbit holes getting sucked into all that is so far from a good thing. |
Anonymous
You don't have to fall down a rabbit hole to know Uncle johnnie is a maga, white-supremist, transphobic who doesn't believe in climate change. |
Anonymous
|
If your kid just cruises from 8 to 18 without ever trying on an identity you think is false or yelling at you for ruining their life in some way you clearly didn’t, they’re probably a psychopath. So instead of focusing on this little goth gremlin, strap yourself in and pack snacks for the next 10-15 years.
I mean unless you’re planning to go live on an uninhabited island, this is all normal and expected. And actually I think there was a cut scene in that Brooke Shields island movie where they talk about how this is their parents’ fault for not teaching them survival skills and they burn them in effigy. |
Anonymous
Perhaps you’re not aware of the basic mechanisms of social media? But sure, go ahead and give your elementary school kid free rein on the internet. I’m sure it’ll be great for them. |
Anonymous
You see us as you want to see us |
Anonymous
And these children that you spit on As they try to change their worlds Are immune to your consultations They're quite aware of what they're goin' through |
Anonymous
| Convincing your child they have ADHD is a problem, but I'm not sure what that has to do with being into vampires. |
Anonymous
|
Oh phew I thought this was going to be something else.
Some kids are just naturally kind of goth OP. It's okay -- it takes all kinds. It's actually good for kids to have a range of friends with different attitudes and outlooks because it promotes empathy and also gives them different options for existing in the world -- it keeps their horizons broad. |