Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?

[Anonymous]

Anything they are obsessive about.
Usually all those hiker/bikers are a huge turn off , and I love being outside and active. They just take it too far.

[Anonymous]

Motorcycles.
BASE jumping.
Online gaming (obsessive not casual)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Motorcycles.
BASE jumping.
Online gaming (obsessive not casual)

I love motorcycling. Why is it a red flag?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, interesting timing for this thread for me! I just had a date last night with a man who said he loves rail fanning. He didn't get too into details, but it seems like they're people who spend time watching trains. Should this be a red flag?

No. Send me his number 😂

[Anonymous]

Being a football fan obsessively and caring too much. As if their athleticism somehow transfers to your couch-shaped ass, as if you're represented by them. As if CTE doesn't exist. It's tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a football fan obsessively and caring too much. As if their athleticism somehow transfers to your couch-shaped ass, as if you're represented by them. As if CTE doesn't exist. It's tacky.

Thank you. I've been trying to find ways to express this sentiment. This is pretty close.

[Anonymous]

Bicyclists, the ones who wear spandex. They just aren’t my people.

[Anonymous]

Seems like the issue is obsessiveness.

Generally speaking, hobbies are better than having no interests and spending time surfing on screens or watching TV. But not so much it interferes with life.

Generally I think exercise hobbies are the best, then intellectual / artistic / productive (e.g., woodworking, knitting). I don’t like collecting (waste of money), obsessive fandom (better to live and produce) or anything destructive (drinking, drugs, sex stuff, video gaming, endless social media or message boards, stewing over politics).

[Anonymous]

Anything that is physically risky, especially if he doesn't observe best safety practices. If he's expecting a lifetime of caregiving after he becomes disabled from it, I'm not signing up for that. My friend's DH was paralyzed in a no-helmet motorcycle accident and she hates him and hates her life.

[Anonymous]

It's never the hobby, it's the attention/energy/resources spent on the hobby that isn't equally invested in the relationship.

Aside from unethical, illegal, or overly dangerous hobbies, I don't mind. I want my partner to have an interest that isn't just me. But I don't want it to be more of an interest than me/our relationship. Once it is, I'll leave so they can spend their energy where they most want.

A lot of y'all sound really judgmental about what constitutes an "acceptable" hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like the issue is obsessiveness.

Generally speaking, hobbies are better than having no interests and spending time surfing on screens or watching TV. But not so much it interferes with life.

Generally I think exercise hobbies are the best, then intellectual / artistic / productive (e.g., woodworking, knitting). I don’t like collecting (waste of money), obsessive fandom (better to live and produce) or anything destructive (drinking, drugs, sex stuff, video gaming, endless social media or message boards, stewing over politics).

+1. Hobbies are good, obsessive or harmful hobbies are bad, and the relationship / family / life basics need to come before the hobby. If your hobby requires hours away from your family every week it's going to put pressure on that relationship. Likewise if your collection takes over the house and finances.

[Anonymous]

Golf is a deal breaker? WTF do you all so in your free time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care what the hobby is, I care about the level of obsessiveness. I do actually want someone who cares about their hobby so fantasy figurines, CrossFit, whatever are all good with me — it makes people interesting and they’ll understand why I want to do my hobbies too. I can’t stand people whose hobbies are things like reading and hanging out with friends and listening to music which imo are just. Things everyone does. But I also don’t want to be with someone whose hobbies are more important to them than their relationships and who can’t see the value in things other period want to do/think their partner should always prioritize their hobby.

Why can't you "stand people" for whom these are hobbies? And no, most people barely pick up a book. I read a study done a few years ago, and reading 3 books in a year put one in the "heavy reader" category in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Motorcycles.
BASE jumping.
Online gaming (obsessive not casual)

I love motorcycling. Why is it a red flag?

I don't want to get attached to someone who's shortly going to incur brain damage. It's a really dangerous activity.

[Anonymous]

bicycling and triathlon. Anything that considers a 5 or 6 hour ride ever Sunday part of normal exercise.