Is cohabitation before marriage a good thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a good idea. You want to see what the other person considers dirty vs messy, if they slam cabinets or close them gently and overall are they easy on their things or hard on them, do they have a no-shoes household or not, do they have guests over a lot, etc.

Do you not spend time at each other’s places while dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No. No. Bad idea.

Why buy the cow if you’re getting the milk for free?

Women aren’t cows; grow up.

Living together is fantastic practice for possibly spending the rest of your lives married to each other.

Being able to drop everything and leave if the other person leaves dishes out is terrible practice for spending the rest of your lives together. Those are two almost exactly opposed mindsets!

[Anonymous]

I really wish I had. I am divorced. No way I would have married if we had lived together beforehand.

Those studies are decades old and when most women did not have careers. It is a different world now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really wish I had. I am divorced. No way I would have married if we had lived together beforehand.

Those studies are decades old and when most women did not have careers. It is a different world now.

Curious as to why you wouldn’t have married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a good idea. You want to see what the other person considers dirty vs messy, if they slam cabinets or close them gently and overall are they easy on their things or hard on them, do they have a no-shoes household or not, do they have guests over a lot, etc.

Do you not spend time at each other’s places while dating?

that is not the same.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, absolutely yes. We were in a committed relationship in our 20's and financially, it made a ton of sense to live with one another particularly given that we wanted to spend so much time together. We then got to learn a lot about each other's habits in a much lower pressure way. On our wedding day, I felt 100% sure that this was the person I wanted to share my life and home with going forward.

[Anonymous]

Recent studies do show higher rates of divorce for people who co-habitat before marriage. The reason is that they 'slid' into marriage vs 'deciding' to marry. Look Sliding vs Deciding.

If you move in because it will save money or it's more conventient or something similar, you are more likely to be unsure of where the relationship is going. It's easier to stay in it rather than breaking up. So after some time, it's just easier to get married "because it's the next step" or "it's time"
These are the ones most likely to get divorced. There were cracks, but the cracks weren't big enough to overcome inertia of staying together (and the PIA of breaking up)

What has lower divorce rates are relationships that move in together with marriage in mind. They have discussed what moving in together means and when the next steps will take place. They understand that living together isn't just for convenience, but an important step before marriage.
Marriage is a conscious decision, vs just sliding into it because it's convenient.

Are there some marriages that survive even though they 'slid' into it? Yes
Are there some marriage that divorce even though they 'decided'? Yes

But studies show over all the divorce rate is higher in the sliding relationships.

[Anonymous]

https://liberalarts.du.edu/news-events/all-articles/new-du-study-highlights-risks-living-together-engagement

This link was posted in the other thread and answers OP’s question about what the research says. It’s from 2023, so it’s quite a recent study for all those saying the research is outdated.

[Anonymous]

What no one mentioned and I what I feel strongly about, is that you live together when you are engaged. Boyfriend/girlfriend? Spend the night over one another’s house. Engaged? Move in together (apartment, do not buy a home together, or move in with the person that already as a home). Married? You should have already lived with this person for multiple months to the point that you are comprising and working towards a forever home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What no one mentioned and I what I feel strongly about, is that you live together when you are engaged. Boyfriend/girlfriend? Spend the night over one another’s house. Engaged? Move in together (apartment, do not buy a home together, or move in with the person that already as a home). Married? You should have already lived with this person for multiple months to the point that you are comprising and working towards a forever home.

This study supports the idea of moving in together during the engagement phase.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5956907/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it’s a good idea to cohabitate together before marriage? What’s your reason? For how long should you do it for?

I think I read some research in the past that said couples who cohabitate before marriage are more likely to divorce. I’m confused about why that is?

EDIT: accidentally posted in family forum so reposted here.

You just can't risk letting someone in your life without really knowing who they really are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it’s a good idea. Much easier to break up and move out than to divorce. Do it for six months to a year. It’s a good compatibility test.

Six months are too few. People can put their best foot forward, it takes four seasons to see behind the social facade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes very good idea. Those “studies” you cite are like forty years old, had questionable methods and are typically just cited by religious people. Honestly at this point I think they might be mythology. People were citing those same studies when I was a teen in the 90s.

In short: cohabitation is bad when you’re doing it for the wrong reasons, but it’s good when you’re doing it for the right reasons. Don’t move in with someone because they are a flaky SO and moving in is the best you can get out of them. But do move in with someone if you have a good dating relationship and are both on the same page about likely moving towards marriage.

... and those studies are mostly based on biased social studies of a couple of academics, not scientific or peer reviewed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. No. No. Bad idea.

Why buy the cow if you’re getting the milk for free?

Yup instead buy a schizophrenic narcissistic cow or bull and then show your surprise when you become their target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No. No. Bad idea.

Why buy the cow if you’re getting the milk for free?

Women aren’t cows; grow up.

Living together is fantastic practice for possibly spending the rest of your lives married to each other.

Women do lose more with test driving years by wasting their fertile years.