Is cohabitation before marriage a good thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What no one mentioned and I what I feel strongly about, is that you live together when you are engaged. Boyfriend/girlfriend? Spend the night over one another’s house. Engaged? Move in together (apartment, do not buy a home together, or move in with the person that already as a home). Married? You should have already lived with this person for multiple months to the point that you are comprising and working towards a forever home.

Not that religiousness is controlled for. Another misconception often posted here along with the idea that the studies are outdated is that it’s only due to religious people.

[Anonymous]

I find so many tragic stories in Indian immigrant/expat group where people get into quick marriages though matchmakers or apps.

[Anonymous]

It worked for us - married 20+ years and going strong.

We'd been dating for a year and a half and had the serious conversations about our path to marriage. But there was a lot of upheaval at the time - I was just a year out of college, he was changing jobs, we were both moving (together) several states away from where we'd been living to a new place with no family or friends, both trying to pay off $5-10k in loans (college for me, car for him after his old one died and he needed one to commute). We decided that we didn't want to start seriously planning a wedding until we were settled down and out of debt. The easiest way to get there was to get a place together in the new city. So it was a fresh start at a new life together when we moved, a firm decision to commit to each other, but in a way that allowed us to take one step at a time.

Got officially engaged a year later, and married a year after that. Rented together at first, and closed on our first house two months before the wedding.

[Anonymous]

I am not religious. I think living together without an explicit commitment to marriage is a bad deal for a woman. It's the worst of both worlds: you have the burdens of marriage but not its benefits.

I think it's all right to move in when you're engaged and actively planning the wedding. That way you're on your way to get married and everyone is on the same page. I think it's a very bad idea to move in together with the idea of "let's see how it works and then we'll decide". Inevitably one person decides different and then spends months or years walking on tiptoes waiting to be chosen. Men particularly are infamous for staying in a comfortable arrangement without long-term plans. So, no cohabitation before engagement for me.