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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My IL's marriage was solid but not an entirely happy one. He was constantly putting her down, but she knew he was doing it to make himself feel better about himself. She also knew he loved her and would be lost without her. We all knew that.
Wind back to his parents and that had a similar dynamic. Husband hustled a lot, ran a successful business and his wife became increasingly frail of mind / "nervous". It was easy for that to happen as they had the means for her to not work or push herself. Throw in a bit of of psychological instability and a spouse who didn't have great intellectual expectations of the wife and nothing kept her mind sharp. Women's empowerment during the 1940s wasn't quite happening.

Last week, one of my older male colleagues made one of those idiotic "wife" jokes, as in, 'hey, that was a dumb move' to which the older male colleague respond 'oh, my wife must be in the room'. Nobody thought it was funny (maybe they did 20 years ago). My respect for that old guy completely zeroed out after that. 
I think women were (and often STILL are) common targets for derision by their husbands. Women in the past put up with it, some still do today.

There are definitely expectations for better treatment from wives today. Women who are contributing to the family economics are far less willing to put up with that BS and willing to walk if it happens.
That said, I think marriages of the past accepted these compromises. Back then, marriage wasn't about actualizing your best self or living your best life. It was a pact - plighting your troth. There were ups and down, good and bad. Some couples were able to ride it out, few bailed out, some became dysfunctional families. For a lot of the women who held on, it was a mark of character to weather marital storms. I dunno if their kids appreciated seeing unhappy parents though.[/quote]

Most people I know are happier than ever in their marriages in their 50's. I don't know if it's Stockholm Syndrome or once in-laws are dead and kids are independent, reasons for friction are gone.[/quote]

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