Introvert husband - social life

[Anonymous]

Why didn’t you plan a party and invite the couples?

[Anonymous]

We live in a neighborhood where every couple is like the OP - the wives socialize with each other while the husbands stay home.

[Anonymous]

I’m the introvert in our marriage, and I still get invited to a lot more things (book clubs, girls nights, parties, etc) than DH does. These things are typically only women, and the men don’t seem to do as much. 10-15 years ago, when our oldest kids were little, DH used to get together with other men to go golfing or play video games. But something has shifted, and it’s like men aren’t allowed to socialize without their families anymore.

I don’t know what’s going on with the parties. I was just thinking that I hosted a party yesterday, and I didn’t invite everyone in my book club. I’m the introvert, so I focused on inviting the families of my kids’ friends. And when you invite families, the numbers add up quickly. I invited 6 friends, 4 of them came with their families, and there were a total of 24 people here last night. It could have looked like a big party, but it wasn’t.

My thought is that if you want to get invited more often, then you need to host more. You kind of have to make a little group that you are a member of. Like, “oh, we can’t invite Mary without also inviting Melissa.”

Anyway, I doubt it’s an issue with your husband. The men aren’t the ones organizing these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the introvert and less fun one and would be so sad if my husband thought of me as a burden in this way. He should be in my corner.

How did you behave when you had young kids to raise? Or tweens? Or teens?

Just stay inside and knit, wish them well for the weekend?

No. You suck up and parent, teach, coach, develop, show.

DP. This kind of made me laugh. When I had babies, I literally did learn to sew. I actually made a couple of small quilts. I needed to do something that wouldn’t be immediately undone.

I think that it’s entirely possible that the issue is the age of the OP’s kids. Maybe the women hosting the parties are sucking up, parenting, teaching, showing, and doing this for their own kids. They are inviting the families of the kids that their kids are friends with (or could be friends with).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the introvert and less fun one and would be so sad if my husband thought of me as a burden in this way. He should be in my corner.

How did you behave when you had young kids to raise? Or tweens? Or teens?

Just stay inside and knit, wish them well for the weekend?

No. You suck up and parent, teach, coach, develop, show.

Uh no. Good parenting does not equal socializing with all the neighbors all the time. GMAB.

Didn’t catch that, what did you do for 18 years of child raising?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a neighborhood where every couple is like the OP - the wives socialize with each other while the husbands stay home.

Are you all in your 60s and 70s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s St Paddy’s day, NOT Patty.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the introvert in our marriage, and I still get invited to a lot more things (book clubs, girls nights, parties, etc) than DH does. These things are typically only women, and the men don’t seem to do as much. 10-15 years ago, when our oldest kids were little, DH used to get together with other men to go golfing or play video games. But something has shifted, and it’s like men aren’t allowed to socialize without their families anymore.

I don’t know what’s going on with the parties. I was just thinking that I hosted a party yesterday, and I didn’t invite everyone in my book club. I’m the introvert, so I focused on inviting the families of my kids’ friends. And when you invite families, the numbers add up quickly. I invited 6 friends, 4 of them came with their families, and there were a total of 24 people here last night. It could have looked like a big party, but it wasn’t.

My thought is that if you want to get invited more often, then you need to host more. You kind of have to make a little group that you are a member of. Like, “oh, we can’t invite Mary without also inviting Melissa.”

Anyway, I doubt it’s an issue with your husband. The men aren’t the ones organizing these things.

Totally agree with this. Hosting more is definitely the way to cement yourself. It's a lot of work but it is fun. We host a lot because my son is neurodivergent and does better on his own turf.

[Anonymous]

What about ur all those dads at the community center or YMCA or JCC shooting hops with their young kids or teaching them how to throw/ catch or swing a baseball bat.

Does your husband intend to do any of that?

The husbands in our Bethesda neighborhood of elementary aged kids play poker, tennis tournaments, golf, cycle, and hang out after their kids’ games and at the community pool.

[Anonymous]

Op, don’t your sense of self.
Most humans ARE social and need community socialization. Don’t let an introvert or aspie or homebody isolate you and your kids.

Yes that means you will be in charge of handling any family holidays, traditions, athletic teams, vacations, family friend gatherings. Don’t expect your seclusive spouse to care about any of that, maybe just for photo ops with his kids. Dig into also if his folks didn’t care about or do any of that. Sometimes the mom is too overwhelmed to do it, other times she’s introverted or other things and doesn’t care. So the kids miss out on basic experiences. So what. She thinks going to the library or hanging out at the sheet music shop after school is the way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the introvert and less fun one and would be so sad if my husband thought of me as a burden in this way. He should be in my corner.

How did you behave when you had young kids to raise? Or tweens? Or teens?

Just stay inside and knit, wish them well for the weekend?

No. You suck up and parent, teach, coach, develop, show.

Uh no. Good parenting does not equal socializing with all the neighbors all the time. GMAB.

Didn’t catch that, what did you do for 18 years of child raising?

Made sure I went to every social event with copious amounts of beer and alcohol? /s
I mean what else do you do at a St. Patrick's Day party?

[Anonymous]

Don’t lose your sense of self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the introvert and less fun one and would be so sad if my husband thought of me as a burden in this way. He should be in my corner.

How did you behave when you had young kids to raise? Or tweens? Or teens?

Just stay inside and knit, wish them well for the weekend?

No. You suck up and parent, teach, coach, develop, show.

Uh no. Good parenting does not equal socializing with all the neighbors all the time. GMAB.

Didn’t catch that, what did you do for 18 years of child raising?

Made sure I went to every social event with copious amounts of beer and alcohol? /s
I mean what else do you do at a St. Patrick's Day party?

Thx for another non response.

Try again: How did you behave when you had young kids to raise? Or tweens? Or teens?

[Anonymous]

He sounds depressed. Encourage him to get screened and/or start therapy.

I am an introvert too, but I do need to socialize, just with smaller groups of people. Introvert does not equal isolation.

[Anonymous]

Where are you seeing these pics?