Introvert husband - social life

[Anonymous]

We have been married for 7 years and have 2 small children. Moved out to a suburb 2 years ago and quickly fell in with a group of other young families in our neighborhood. I get invited to all of the book clubs and ladies nights etc, but have recently learned that whenever they get together as couples recently we are not included

I can't help but think this is because of him. He has always been kind of an introvert but was able to fake it when we were younger and dating, but now he's just gotten so much more low energy and not fun to be around. I chalked it up to his stressful job and the stress of life w/ 2 under 3. I'm so bummed - the weekends are such a drag, it is like pulling teeth to get him out of the house to do anything with the kids, let alone other families.

Not really a question, just venting after seeing pics of a St. Patty's party we were not invited to. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

I am the introvert and less fun one and would be so sad if my husband thought of me as a burden in this way. He should be in my corner.

[Anonymous]

Spending time with small kids is a drag. We the women just don’t notice because of hormones. Don’t blame him, 2 under 3 is a lot for anyone.

[Anonymous]

I’m an introvert but can still be sociable with people for a couple of hours. Is he just ignoring people?

[Anonymous]

For better or worse or until a party invitation comes up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been married for 7 years and have 2 small children. Moved out to a suburb 2 years ago and quickly fell in with a group of other young families in our neighborhood. I get invited to all of the book clubs and ladies nights etc, but have recently learned that whenever they get together as couples recently we are not included

I can't help but think this is because of him. He has always been kind of an introvert but was able to fake it when we were younger and dating, but now he's just gotten so much more low energy and not fun to be around. I chalked it up to his stressful job and the stress of life w/ 2 under 3. I'm so bummed - the weekends are such a drag, it is like pulling teeth to get him out of the house to do anything with the kids, let alone other families.

Not really a question, just venting after seeing pics of a St. Patty's party we were not invited to. Oh well.

Honestly, this is not nice of those people. I get that not everyone can be invited to everything but if you are the only ones left out and it is a party, that is quite rude.

[Anonymous]

It’s St Paddy’s day, NOT Patty.

[Anonymous]

My husband is an introvert. My friends understand that sometimes he will attend and sometimes it will just be me coming alone. If they are real friends, they will still invite you. And while everyone may be paired up now, I've seen couples divorce or experience the death of a spouse. So twenty years later, my friend group looks completely different and there is zero focus on inviting "couples only". Maybe these people you socialize with are not worth it if your friendship is only valuable if you are like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been married for 7 years and have 2 small children. Moved out to a suburb 2 years ago and quickly fell in with a group of other young families in our neighborhood. I get invited to all of the book clubs and ladies nights etc, but have recently learned that whenever they get together as couples recently we are not included

I can't help but think this is because of him. He has always been kind of an introvert but was able to fake it when we were younger and dating, but now he's just gotten so much more low energy and not fun to be around. I chalked it up to his stressful job and the stress of life w/ 2 under 3. I'm so bummed - the weekends are such a drag, it is like pulling teeth to get him out of the house to do anything with the kids, let alone other families.

Not really a question, just venting after seeing pics of a St. Patty's party we were not invited to. Oh well.

He should be able to plan and do some family friends outings every weekend? Otherwise you will have to yourself with the kids or get a ladies night out

Once the kids ECs or sports start, age 6+, you’ll meet even more parents at games or school and go out for pizza or BBqs.

He should not be turning down everything. Can’t he pick and choose?

Can he get bloodwork or neuro tests done with a good GP?

He has toddlers! He has 18 years of parenting to do!! He can’t just check out now and be a hermit.

The kids need to develop socially and see adult relationships - friends, family, marital- as well. Just shipping the kids to school, and then ignoring them and all people after work and in the weekends is not healthy.

Can’t he at least tag along?

And another thing, you Op are going to have a long slog of raising kids if your spouse is too unhealthy or dysfunctional to conversate or interact with others outside of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the introvert and less fun one and would be so sad if my husband thought of me as a burden in this way. He should be in my corner.

How did you behave when you had young kids to raise? Or tweens? Or teens?

Just stay inside and knit, wish them well for the weekend?

No. You suck up and parent, teach, coach, develop, show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spending time with small kids is a drag. We the women just don’t notice because of hormones. Don’t blame him, 2 under 3 is a lot for anyone.

Such a fun time.

Wake up, go out for breakfast, go to the zoo or Smithsonian or a hike, home for afternoon naps.

So many cool free things to do with kids under age 8 and families in Wash DC area.

You’ll miss all that one they age out of playgrounds, kid sections, and need to get to soccer or dance or basketball. Now no one has time or wants to go to a museum or the zoo on the weekend mornings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is an introvert. My friends understand that sometimes he will attend and sometimes it will just be me coming alone. If they are real friends, they will still invite you. And while everyone may be paired up now, I've seen couples divorce or experience the death of a spouse. So twenty years later, my friend group looks completely different and there is zero focus on inviting "couples only". Maybe these people you socialize with are not worth it if your friendship is only valuable if you are like them.

Double date groups are pairs.

OP may have a bigger problem on her hand than she thinks of her husband is in shutdown mode with two kids under age 3. This isn’t a matter of my husband turns off friend groups due to his “introversion.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been married for 7 years and have 2 small children. Moved out to a suburb 2 years ago and quickly fell in with a group of other young families in our neighborhood. I get invited to all of the book clubs and ladies nights etc, but have recently learned that whenever they get together as couples recently we are not included

I can't help but think this is because of him. He has always been kind of an introvert but was able to fake it when we were younger and dating, but now he's just gotten so much more low energy and not fun to be around. I chalked it up to his stressful job and the stress of life w/ 2 under 3. I'm so bummed - the weekends are such a drag, it is like pulling teeth to get him out of the house to do anything with the kids, let alone other families.

Not really a question, just venting after seeing pics of a St. Patty's party we were not invited to. Oh well.

Does he exercise or at least take walks?

[Anonymous]

My husband was the same OP. He had a group of friends and a normal social life when I met him, but after 2 kids and 12 years of marriage it has deteriorated to the point where he doesn’t want to ever leave the house for any reason or interact with anyone outside of his family. He’s very hands on with the kids and has a good job making $300k+, but I had to function like a single mom when it came to any type of social event, travel, or basically any activity more than a few minutes away from home. He never wanted to do anything alone with me either, all he wanted was to watch YouTube on the couch in silence. Every attempt to talk to him about it was shut down with “I’m just tired because of work and the kids, it’ll get better later.” It never got better and we are separated now because I can’t live the rest of my life that way. I will say that since I moved out he’s actually gotten a lot more serious about his one hobby sport and has actually made some friends through the classes and matches, and I’m really glad to see that. Personally I’m so much happier without the constant presence of his negative energy and silent disapproval every time I made social plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the introvert and less fun one and would be so sad if my husband thought of me as a burden in this way. He should be in my corner.

How did you behave when you had young kids to raise? Or tweens? Or teens?

Just stay inside and knit, wish them well for the weekend?

No. You suck up and parent, teach, coach, develop, show.

Uh no. Good parenting does not equal socializing with all the neighbors all the time. GMAB.