Tired of “sophisticated” friends of my 4th grade DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 5th grader and there's been lots of negative drama with kids in group chats recently. My kid hasn't been involved because she doesn't have a way to access group chats. I intend to keep in that way as long as possible. I'm actually really surprised that parents are letting it continue and aren't taking away the screens. Its not all the kids (less than half, I'd guess), but enough to cause drama.

Same here with a 5th grader: no phone, no social media of her own. I've broached the idea of her joing the class group chat via my account and she said no, it was too stressful. We have a 5th grade friend in a different group chat who is being bullied there and it's awful.

I know we'll probably have to loosen up in 6th but I'm trying to wait as long as possible.

I know there's concern about overscheduling kids but honestly if kids are in a couple activities during the week I don't see how they have time for so much social media.

[Anonymous]

Not uptight at all OP. Kids should be kids as long as they can be. I don't even think kids should really act "sophisticated" in middle school. I'm not trying to prevent kids from growing up, but just making sure they don't havev to grow up too fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 5th grader and there's been lots of negative drama with kids in group chats recently. My kid hasn't been involved because she doesn't have a way to access group chats. I intend to keep in that way as long as possible. I'm actually really surprised that parents are letting it continue and aren't taking away the screens. Its not all the kids (less than half, I'd guess), but enough to cause drama.

Same here with a 5th grader: no phone, no social media of her own. I've broached the idea of her joing the class group chat via my account and she said no, it was too stressful. We have a 5th grade friend in a different group chat who is being bullied there and it's awful.

I know we'll probably have to loosen up in 6th but I'm trying to wait as long as possible.

I know there's concern about overscheduling kids but honestly if kids are in a couple activities during the week I don't see how they have time for so much social media.

I think screen time/social media is a problem, but so is overscheduling. Some activities are great, but I really encourage good old fashioned free play. Hard to come by these days, but worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 5th grader and there's been lots of negative drama with kids in group chats recently. My kid hasn't been involved because she doesn't have a way to access group chats. I intend to keep in that way as long as possible. I'm actually really surprised that parents are letting it continue and aren't taking away the screens. Its not all the kids (less than half, I'd guess), but enough to cause drama.

I have a 7th grade boy and a 4th grade girl. My 7th grader has been in the group chats since 5th grade but he is low drama and mature and mostly reads, doesn't reply much. But we've seen first hand the issues it has caused. There has been bullying, racist jokes, teasing, etc and the school has had to get involved a few times so we use those as cautionary tales. My 4th grader is less mature, even for her age, and would without a doubt get caught up in the drama. And in talking to other parents, they are totally clueless. One in particular says the chat is so great, the kids police each other and call out meanness and she has no problems with it. Meanwhile her daughter is incredibly mean at school, bullies other girls, and is basically a tyrant. The mother is in total denial. If there is a problem on the chat, and there probably is, her daughter would be in the center of it. So, no text for now for mine. It will be nothing but a headache.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have girls, but I’m always mildly shocked when elementary school lets out and I see the 3rd-5th graders come out with their crop tops, short shorts, cell phones, and giant Stanley cups. I know mom is choosing and buying a lot of this stuff and I don’t get it at all.

And on the other end of the spectrum, I find it intensely gross that grown women are judging kids on the lengths of their shirts and shorts. Better get the misogyny started early! Never too soon to start oversexualizing kids!

Go do your homework, McKynsleigh.

[Anonymous]

I think boys shouldn't be allowed to wear crop tops and shorts either.

Basic dress code.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there really 4th graders wearing makeup? No, you are not crazy for not wanting your kid to wear makeup or expose her midriff at school. We don't even own an iPad in my house and life is all the better for it.

OP and yes, there are some who wear stuff beyond lip gloss in 4th and 5th. I can’t imagine putting on eyeliner because I can’t even do it fast on me, let alone her, in the mornings. It’s not everyone at all, but it’s some, and same for the belly tops in 4th. It’s cute but I guess I don’t like it for the age, not at the pool or whatever. DD has an iPad and I let her play on it, but put some limits and that works for us so far. No older sibling, so no phone, but we had kids in her class with older model iPhones in 2nd, more in 3rd, even more this year. The principal e-mails the parents every year telling us to avoid getting them phones for as long as possible, but having them seems somewhat common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 5th grader and there's been lots of negative drama with kids in group chats recently. My kid hasn't been involved because she doesn't have a way to access group chats. I intend to keep in that way as long as possible. I'm actually really surprised that parents are letting it continue and aren't taking away the screens. Its not all the kids (less than half, I'd guess), but enough to cause drama.

I have a 7th grade boy and a 4th grade girl. My 7th grader has been in the group chats since 5th grade but he is low drama and mature and mostly reads, doesn't reply much. But we've seen first hand the issues it has caused. There has been bullying, racist jokes, teasing, etc and the school has had to get involved a few times so we use those as cautionary tales. My 4th grader is less mature, even for her age, and would without a doubt get caught up in the drama. And in talking to other parents, they are totally clueless. One in particular says the chat is so great, the kids police each other and call out meanness and she has no problems with it. Meanwhile her daughter is incredibly mean at school, bullies other girls, and is basically a tyrant. The mother is in total denial. If there is a problem on the chat, and there probably is, her daughter would be in the center of it. So, no text for now for mine. It will be nothing but a headache.

Reading between the lines it sounds like some kids act like the thought police and shout down "wrong" opinions on the chat. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be public school

OP, it is a public elementary, very large, and I think well-run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4th grade is too young for all that, OP, you are right to take a stand.

I allowed my 5th grade DD to use Discord during the pandemic lockdown and right away, she learned valuable lessons about cyber bullying, talking to strangers, etc. I was right there monitoring, since we were all in the house all the time. She's in 8th grade now and by choice is not on social media, except that she continues to use Discord with kids she knows in real life.

Safety online is critically important and YOU should be teaching her safe practices in the next couple of years.

At some point, you might also want to pick your battles when adolescence rears its feisty head. Not now, when she's still in elementary, but in middle school, you'll realize that maybe clothes aren't the hill to die on. Clothes and make-up aren't going to get her killed. Sneaking into parties, alcohol, pills laced with fentanyl, cyber bullying, etc, will put her in real danger. You can buy yourself leverage when you appear to relent on certain things, just so you can push more on others.

You can control a child, but you need to outwit an adolescent

OP and this is good advice, thank you.’

[Anonymous]

It not even being "sophisticated" or "mature" there's just no reason for it at young ages. Be a kid while you can, plenty of time to be grown up later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 5th grader and there's been lots of negative drama with kids in group chats recently. My kid hasn't been involved because she doesn't have a way to access group chats. I intend to keep in that way as long as possible. I'm actually really surprised that parents are letting it continue and aren't taking away the screens. Its not all the kids (less than half, I'd guess), but enough to cause drama.

I have a 7th grade boy and a 4th grade girl. My 7th grader has been in the group chats since 5th grade but he is low drama and mature and mostly reads, doesn't reply much. But we've seen first hand the issues it has caused. There has been bullying, racist jokes, teasing, etc and the school has had to get involved a few times so we use those as cautionary tales. My 4th grader is less mature, even for her age, and would without a doubt get caught up in the drama. And in talking to other parents, they are totally clueless. One in particular says the chat is so great, the kids police each other and call out meanness and she has no problems with it. Meanwhile her daughter is incredibly mean at school, bullies other girls, and is basically a tyrant. The mother is in total denial. If there is a problem on the chat, and there probably is, her daughter would be in the center of it. So, no text for now for mine. It will be nothing but a headache.

Reading between the lines it sounds like some kids act like the thought police and shout down "wrong" opinions on the chat. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Op, you are 1000% in the right. I would never allow my 4th grader to wear a crop top, makeup. Prolong childhood & stop sexualizing children for goodness sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be public school

Yeah, girl drama never happens at a private school. Only those wealthy public school parents give their kids smart phones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 5th grader and there's been lots of negative drama with kids in group chats recently. My kid hasn't been involved because she doesn't have a way to access group chats. I intend to keep in that way as long as possible. I'm actually really surprised that parents are letting it continue and aren't taking away the screens. Its not all the kids (less than half, I'd guess), but enough to cause drama.

I have a 7th grade boy and a 4th grade girl. My 7th grader has been in the group chats since 5th grade but he is low drama and mature and mostly reads, doesn't reply much. But we've seen first hand the issues it has caused. There has been bullying, racist jokes, teasing, etc and the school has had to get involved a few times so we use those as cautionary tales. My 4th grader is less mature, even for her age, and would without a doubt get caught up in the drama. And in talking to other parents, they are totally clueless. One in particular says the chat is so great, the kids police each other and call out meanness and she has no problems with it. Meanwhile her daughter is incredibly mean at school, bullies other girls, and is basically a tyrant. The mother is in total denial. If there is a problem on the chat, and there probably is, her daughter would be in the center of it. So, no text for now for mine. It will be nothing but a headache.

Reading between the lines it sounds like some kids act like the thought police and shout down "wrong" opinions on the chat. Ugh.

I think you're probably right. I'm guessing the Queen Bees are trying to rule the roost and control the conversation the same way they do on the playground.