Estrangement from parents causing them to reach out more in really weird and surface-level ways?

[Anonymous]

Oh I can't wait for your kids to grow up. Not because I think or hope that they'll act the way you do, but because you might finally learn to extend some grace and that no one is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh I can't wait for your kids to grow up. Not because I think or hope that they'll act the way you do, but because you might finally learn to extend some grace and that no one is perfect.

I will never get posts like these. You may disagree with the way op is going about the issue (I know I do!) but it doesn't change the fact that her parents acted in a way that is not acceptable and normal. Most people do not do what op described, so why would she learn about grace? I know difficult people in my life are a lesson in what NOT to do, and not a lesson in grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh I can't wait for your kids to grow up. Not because I think or hope that they'll act the way you do, but because you might finally learn to extend some grace and that no one is perfect.

I will never get posts like these. You may disagree with the way op is going about the issue (I know I do!) but it doesn't change the fact that her parents acted in a way that is not acceptable and normal. Most people do not do what op described, so why would she learn about grace? I know difficult people in my life are a lesson in what NOT to do, and not a lesson in grace.

The fact that she is considering involving the police tells me she is half the problem. We are hearing her perspective. No one is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh I can't wait for your kids to grow up. Not because I think or hope that they'll act the way you do, but because you might finally learn to extend some grace and that no one is perfect.

I will never get posts like these. You may disagree with the way op is going about the issue (I know I do!) but it doesn't change the fact that her parents acted in a way that is not acceptable and normal. Most people do not do what op described, so why would she learn about grace? I know difficult people in my life are a lesson in what NOT to do, and not a lesson in grace.

The fact that she is considering involving the police tells me she is half the problem. We are hearing her perspective. No one is perfect.

Oh that part is the part I don't agree with, it's needlessly hostile. That being said I don't doubt the rest of the behavior because I have seen it with my in-laws. There's not perfect, and then there is that type of personality that is extremely hard to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh I can't wait for your kids to grow up. Not because I think or hope that they'll act the way you do, but because you might finally learn to extend some grace and that no one is perfect.

I will never get posts like these. You may disagree with the way op is going about the issue (I know I do!) but it doesn't change the fact that her parents acted in a way that is not acceptable and normal. Most people do not do what op described, so why would she learn about grace? I know difficult people in my life are a lesson in what NOT to do, and not a lesson in grace.

The fact that she is considering involving the police tells me she is half the problem. We are hearing her perspective. No one is perfect.

Poster you have excrement between your ears. Or you are a very naive person living a charmed life who has zero compassion and instead judges people. People like you make me sick.

Millions of people are rightfully estranged from abusive family members. Many of them have to get restraining orders to compel those abusive family members to leave them alone. NO child owes a relationship to abusive parents, nor should they be expected to subject their child to those same people who have abused them so they can have fresh meat to abuse. Most abusive parents will go out of their way to undermine the relationship between their children and their grandchildren if given the chance - these are mentally ill, emotionally immature people with no boundaries.

OP write a letter to your parents, as detailed or not as you like, requesting that they never contact you again and letting them know that any further contact will be considered harassment and you will take legal measures to compel them to stay away.

You don’t owe them anything - you didn’t ask to be born and they have treated you with unconscionable cruelty. Focus all your energy on breaking the cycle and raising your own kids with love and kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh I can't wait for your kids to grow up. Not because I think or hope that they'll act the way you do, but because you might finally learn to extend some grace and that no one is perfect.

I will never get posts like these. You may disagree with the way op is going about the issue (I know I do!) but it doesn't change the fact that her parents acted in a way that is not acceptable and normal. Most people do not do what op described, so why would she learn about grace? I know difficult people in my life are a lesson in what NOT to do, and not a lesson in grace.

The fact that she is considering involving the police tells me she is half the problem. We are hearing her perspective. No one is perfect.

Poster you have excrement between your ears. Or you are a very naive person living a charmed life who has zero compassion and instead judges people. People like you make me sick.

Millions of people are rightfully estranged from abusive family members. Many of them have to get restraining orders to compel those abusive family members to leave them alone. NO child owes a relationship to abusive parents, nor should they be expected to subject their child to those same people who have abused them so they can have fresh meat to abuse. Most abusive parents will go out of their way to undermine the relationship between their children and their grandchildren if given the chance - these are mentally ill, emotionally immature people with no boundaries.

OP write a letter to your parents, as detailed or not as you like, requesting that they never contact you again and letting them know that any further contact will be considered harassment and you will take legal measures to compel them to stay away.

You don’t owe them anything - you didn’t ask to be born and they have treated you with unconscionable cruelty. Focus all your energy on breaking the cycle and raising your own kids with love and kindness.

Nothing in OP's post indicates anything approaching the level of abuse that you are inferring nor unconscionable cruelty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are trying and you are making that difficult. Wow.

+1. Let it go OP. Unless they did something unforgivable, then grow up. They are trying to take the first step. When your kid gets older you might have more perspective on how you would feel if your child completely cut you off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are trying and you are making that difficult. Wow.

THIS. OP go read what you posted They are trying to make this work and you are being obstinate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been estranged from my parents since November 2023. Since 2020 it's been extremely strained and nonstop promises of "oh we'll be better" that they don't keep. Nasty remarks, needing to get their way on everything, always being right, gossiping behind our backs, not respecting us or taking us seriously, me always being the one to reach out or visit, etc.

Finally there was the metaphorical straw that broke the camel's back. They blatantly lied to me about something. When I pointed out that this bothered me, they went ballistic and left 3 voicemails just basically insulting me and my husband for 10-15min straight. I was 7 months pregnant at this time. I just told them that there's things in the voicemails they can't unsay and I am done with the two of them.

We recently had a kid (which I'm sure has something to do with their behavior). They have started reaching out, more in the past 3 months than all of 2022 and 2023 combined. It's in very bizarre and surface-level ways. Texts, emails, voicemails, packages, they even managed to find our baby registry and send us a message there. All of the communication is very "hallmark card" and surface-level, nothing acknowledging their behavior or the past 3-4 years other than once they said "I hope we can find a way to put the past behind us".

It got to be overwhelming as they were contacting us in some shape or form almost every week. I sent a text that said I would like them to address the lying and insulting voicemails. They ignored this text (they aren't very self-reflective or good at admitting when they're wrong) but sent my 1 month old son a valentine's day card with a note (you are so cute, we love you so much, etc) and socks. My husband think they are just doing all this to annoy me or "pull on my pigtails".

I am torn between ignoring it (which is a lot easier said than done when they're contacting us in some form every 1-2 weeks) or if it continues much past 3-6 months to start documenting each instance of unwanted contact and eventually escalate to a lawyer or the cops (like if you had an ex that wouldn't leave you alone).

The straw that broke the camels back is not a metaphor. It is an idiom.

I actually caught that and thought the same thing but thought it would be petty to bring it up. glad you did though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are trying and you are making that difficult. Wow.

THIS. OP go read what you posted They are trying to make this work and you are being obstinate!

OP, take this kindly (and I am estranged from my own parents). Go back and read what you posted. I am not seeing this as you do. I think they are really trying. The attempts where they try (gift registry) are actually kind. You are interpreting everything they do as hostile even when not. I suggest kindly that you need to get into therapy to work this out, not here

[Anonymous]

Your mention of cops makes me think you’re not a reasonable actor here, OP.

A lot of us are, or have been, estranged from our parents. We did it the grown up way, by ignoring attempts to reconnect. You can block their email addresses and phone numbers if you wish.

But again… reaching out every week is nowhere near police involvement. So you’re crazy too, apparently.

[Anonymous]

When you said you were done with them, did you state that they were not to contact you again?

[Anonymous]

To me it depends on what this lie was. Was it a lie that was life altering like your dad isn’t really your dad? Or run of the mill , they were going to do something or give something and then they didn’t.

Be careful to not get sucked in by internet advice on parents being narcissists. Sure some parents are absolutely but others are just flawed in their thinking of trying to do their best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh I can't wait for your kids to grow up. Not because I think or hope that they'll act the way you do, but because you might finally learn to extend some grace and that no one is perfect.

I will never get posts like these. You may disagree with the way op is going about the issue (I know I do!) but it doesn't change the fact that her parents acted in a way that is not acceptable and normal. Most people do not do what op described, so why would she learn about grace? I know difficult people in my life are a lesson in what NOT to do, and not a lesson in grace.

The fact that she is considering involving the police tells me she is half the problem. We are hearing her perspective. No one is perfect.

Poster you have excrement between your ears. Or you are a very naive person living a charmed life who has zero compassion and instead judges people. People like you make me sick.

Millions of people are rightfully estranged from abusive family members. Many of them have to get restraining orders to compel those abusive family members to leave them alone. NO child owes a relationship to abusive parents, nor should they be expected to subject their child to those same people who have abused them so they can have fresh meat to abuse. Most abusive parents will go out of their way to undermine the relationship between their children and their grandchildren if given the chance - these are mentally ill, emotionally immature people with no boundaries.

OP write a letter to your parents, as detailed or not as you like, requesting that they never contact you again and letting them know that any further contact will be considered harassment and you will take legal measures to compel them to stay away.

You don’t owe them anything - you didn’t ask to be born and they have treated you with unconscionable cruelty. Focus all your energy on breaking the cycle and raising your own kids with love and kindness.

I’m sure you’re the victim everywhere you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me it depends on what this lie was. Was it a lie that was life altering like your dad isn’t really your dad? Or run of the mill , they were going to do something or give something and then they didn’t.

Be careful to not get sucked in by internet advice on parents being narcissists. Sure some parents are absolutely but others are just flawed in their thinking of trying to do their best.

Exactly. Details matter here.