Do you lord money and control over your adult offspring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I’ve seen first hand what damage that can do. Don’t expect to receive support in your old age if you do that. No amount of inheritance is worth that abuse.

So people take all the money and help and then say F-U? Why not just be an adult and make your own way?

No, the person I’m thinking of does this to his young adult child. The minor knows he needs college money and withstands the taunts, vitriol, and harsh critiques for now. But he won’t be caring for his father in his old age, that’s for sure. The father has always been verbally abusive and controlling.

I’ve seen variations on this several times. Every time, it was parental abuse of vulnerable dependents.

[Anonymous]

^ meant to convey this has been going on forever. Kid is now 18.

[Anonymous]

My MIL does this even though she knows we don’t need/want her money. Pathetic woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother did this to the extreme.

It didn't happen in a vacuum; she was a nasty, controlling person and used many tools -- money was just one of them. If only I had a dime for every time she started going on with "I will disinherit you!!!!" She finally did change her will to give me less when I voted for Obama, lol.

Weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a simple way to deal with this: stop asking your parents for money. You are an adult. Support yourself. Pay your own bills. If you can't afford your lifestyle, change your lifestyle. Don't wait for an inheritance. Have no financial dealings with your parents at all. You will much, much happier.

I can’t even accept a $10 holiday gift without listening to a controlling manipulative judgmental diatribe about whatever rant they listened to online or on the radio the day before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a simple way to deal with this: stop asking your parents for money. You are an adult. Support yourself. Pay your own bills. If you can't afford your lifestyle, change your lifestyle. Don't wait for an inheritance. Have no financial dealings with your parents at all. You will much, much happier.

I can’t even accept a $10 holiday gift without listening to a controlling manipulative judgmental diatribe about whatever rant they listened to online or on the radio the day before.

Then don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a simple way to deal with this: stop asking your parents for money. You are an adult. Support yourself. Pay your own bills. If you can't afford your lifestyle, change your lifestyle. Don't wait for an inheritance. Have no financial dealings with your parents at all. You will much, much happier.

I can’t even accept a $10 holiday gift without listening to a controlling manipulative judgmental diatribe about whatever rant they listened to online or on the radio the day before.

Then don’t.

What then? Give back the pair of socks? Or just don’t show up at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a simple way to deal with this: stop asking your parents for money. You are an adult. Support yourself. Pay your own bills. If you can't afford your lifestyle, change your lifestyle. Don't wait for an inheritance. Have no financial dealings with your parents at all. You will much, much happier.

I can’t even accept a $10 holiday gift without listening to a controlling manipulative judgmental diatribe about whatever rant they listened to online or on the radio the day before.

Then don’t.

What then? Give back the pair of socks? Or just don’t show up at all?

Just stop. Get therapy already. Weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a simple way to deal with this: stop asking your parents for money. You are an adult. Support yourself. Pay your own bills. If you can't afford your lifestyle, change your lifestyle. Don't wait for an inheritance. Have no financial dealings with your parents at all. You will much, much happier.

I can’t even accept a $10 holiday gift without listening to a controlling manipulative judgmental diatribe about whatever rant they listened to online or on the radio the day before.

Then don’t.

What then? Give back the pair of socks? Or just don’t show up at all?

Just stop. Get therapy already. Weirdo.

Feeling called out?

Try a pharmaceutical that helps with sedation. You are too far gone for therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To make them do what I want them to do. If you do X, I will give you X amount in return.

That's a transactional relationship.
Not recommended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother did this to the extreme.

It didn't happen in a vacuum; she was a nasty, controlling person and used many tools -- money was just one of them. If only I had a dime for every time she started going on with "I will disinherit you!!!!" She finally did change her will to give me less when I voted for Obama, lol.

“Didn’t happen in a vacuum “ makes no sense in whatever you are trying to say.

Not the PP, but it makes perfect sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother did this to the extreme.

It didn't happen in a vacuum; she was a nasty, controlling person and used many tools -- money was just one of them. If only I had a dime for every time she started going on with "I will disinherit you!!!!" She finally did change her will to give me less when I voted for Obama, lol.

“Didn’t happen in a vacuum “ makes no sense in whatever you are trying to say.

Not the PP, but it makes perfect sense.

Agree. Not sure why that person doesn’t understand it.

[Anonymous]

never heard that term before.
No I would never do that because it's mean and hateful. Now my sister is a different story. The main reason I haven't spoken to her in 20 years and probably never will again. She's just a nasty piece of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To make them do what I want them to do. If you do X, I will give you X amount in return.

Then hire them like you would any other service provider. With a written contract at will.

It’s an informal contract. If you can’t abide by the terms, don’t take the money. It should be an incentive to be fully independent.

No such thing as an informal contract. There’s either a contract or there isn’t. No adult offspring are obligated to take abuse from elderly parents any reason. If a paid caregiver would quit over it, don’t dole it out to your grown children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To make them do what I want them to do. If you do X, I will give you X amount in return.

That's a transactional relationship.
Not recommended.

I am the PP. Ultimately it is transactional. But we having raised kids with a lot of money it was hard for them to feel the same sense of hunger we felt trying to make our way. Entitled comes to mind, even though we tried to mitigate that. Later, we found that having milestones helped them feel the need to work for it. Is this ideal. No. But we are trying to find a way to make our kids want/need to work in order to have wealth, rather than feel entitled to it. They also know that they we are already donated the majority of our wealth to causes that we believe in and have always supported.