My Supervisor’s Boss Hates Me - Come In Please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in a toxic federal agency. My immediate supervisor appears to like me but his boss (a woman), clearly hates me. Examples:

1) She will come to work, walk down the hallways, say good morning to everyone but me.

2) Every time she communicates with me in writing or in person, it is dripping with contempt or sarcasm.

3) She especially likes to try and undercut me or humiliate me in meetings.

I’ve only been here 6 months. The office skews young and professionally, I am much more experienced than my co-workers by about 10 years. However I don’t boast or brag about my skills, am very low key, a team player, volunteer for additional work all of the time and have had the most wins/successes of my colleagues on some very big projects. However, she never compliments or congratulates me.

My immediate supervisor appears to like me but when his boss lobs jabs at me or is rude or condescending to me in meetings, he does not step in or speak up in my defense. That said, he has indicated that he wants to “protect me” from her and has tried to assure me that he has warded off other instances when she has wanted to come after me.

I have never had this happen at any job (am in mid 40’s). Even my toughest bosses have been professional and polite and expressed appreciation for my work.

Not really sure what to do here.

OMG, start job searching today!!
I was you a few years back, and the situation was intolerable. It was my boss who had an irrational hatred of me. I think she recognized that I had much better skills than she, but I am not manipulative, nor am I particularly good at office politics. She saw me as a threat, and had to crush me. She did everything she could to destroy me (and I mean that quite literally). I think she would have killed me if she'd been given the opportunity. I wasn't the only woman she targeted (she felt threatened only by women), but she seemed to have the most vitriol for me.
I had no one to protect me, so I found a job as fast as I could. She was furious when I resigned. She was so vicious, I think she was looking forward to firing me in the most cruel way possible. I think she was mentally ill, a narcissist or sociopath. She drove out a few other women whom she saw as threats, so I wasn't alone, but it was a horrible situation. At least I found another job relatively quickly, and you should too, OP. GET OUT NOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you put “a woman” in parentheses in your opening paragraph? That was evident from the pronouns you used in the subsequent numbered list.

Just struck me as unnecessary (and maybe telling).

This is OP. I did not want to make my (long) post even longer but I had referenced her being a woman because I intended to explain further that I had heard she has historically had difficulty with other employees who were women because she felt threatened by them. She gets along just fine with men. For me this is very difficult because right now although there are other women in the office, I am the only one with the target on my back. She engages in a lot of exclusionary behavior - i.e., calling all of the employees but me into her office to tell a personal story; joking with the other employees but not me; making a big deal of showing something she bought or saw to all of the other employees except for me; rolling her eyes when I speak, etc. It very much gives high school vibes and I am not used to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a toxic federal agency. My immediate supervisor appears to like me but his boss (a woman), clearly hates me. Examples:

1) She will come to work, walk down the hallways, say good morning to everyone but me.

2) Every time she communicates with me in writing or in person, it is dripping with contempt or sarcasm.

3) She especially likes to try and undercut me or humiliate me in meetings.

I’ve only been here 6 months. The office skews young and professionally, I am much more experienced than my co-workers by about 10 years. However I don’t boast or brag about my skills, am very low key, a team player, volunteer for additional work all of the time and have had the most wins/successes of my colleagues on some very big projects. However, she never compliments or congratulates me.

My immediate supervisor appears to like me but when his boss lobs jabs at me or is rude or condescending to me in meetings, he does not step in or speak up in my defense. That said, he has indicated that he wants to “protect me” from her and has tried to assure me that he has warded off other instances when she has wanted to come after me.

I have never had this happen at any job (am in mid 40’s). Even my toughest bosses have been professional and polite and expressed appreciation for my work.

Not really sure what to do here.

OMG, start job searching today!!
I was you a few years back, and the situation was intolerable. It was my boss who had an irrational hatred of me. I think she recognized that I had much better skills than she, but I am not manipulative, nor am I particularly good at office politics. She saw me as a threat, and had to crush me. She did everything she could to destroy me (and I mean that quite literally). I think she would have killed me if she'd been given the opportunity. I wasn't the only woman she targeted (she felt threatened only by women), but she seemed to have the most vitriol for me.
I had no one to protect me, so I found a job as fast as I could. She was furious when I resigned. She was so vicious, I think she was looking forward to firing me in the most cruel way possible. I think she was mentally ill, a narcissist or sociopath. She drove out a few other women whom she saw as threats, so I wasn't alone, but it was a horrible situation. At least I found another job relatively quickly, and you should too, OP. GET OUT NOW.

This is OP. Your description sounds JUST like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a toxic federal agency. My immediate supervisor appears to like me but his boss (a woman), clearly hates me. Examples:

1) She will come to work, walk down the hallways, say good morning to everyone but me.

2) Every time she communicates with me in writing or in person, it is dripping with contempt or sarcasm.

3) She especially likes to try and undercut me or humiliate me in meetings.

I’ve only been here 6 months. The office skews young and professionally, I am much more experienced than my co-workers by about 10 years. However I don’t boast or brag about my skills, am very low key, a team player, volunteer for additional work all of the time and have had the most wins/successes of my colleagues on some very big projects. However, she never compliments or congratulates me.

My immediate supervisor appears to like me but when his boss lobs jabs at me or is rude or condescending to me in meetings, he does not step in or speak up in my defense. That said, he has indicated that he wants to “protect me” from her and has tried to assure me that he has warded off other instances when she has wanted to come after me.

I have never had this happen at any job (am in mid 40’s). Even my toughest bosses have been professional and polite and expressed appreciation for my work.

Not really sure what to do here.

OMG, start job searching today!!
I was you a few years back, and the situation was intolerable. It was my boss who had an irrational hatred of me. I think she recognized that I had much better skills than she, but I am not manipulative, nor am I particularly good at office politics. She saw me as a threat, and had to crush me. She did everything she could to destroy me (and I mean that quite literally). I think she would have killed me if she'd been given the opportunity. I wasn't the only woman she targeted (she felt threatened only by women), but she seemed to have the most vitriol for me.
I had no one to protect me, so I found a job as fast as I could. She was furious when I resigned. She was so vicious, I think she was looking forward to firing me in the most cruel way possible. I think she was mentally ill, a narcissist or sociopath. She drove out a few other women whom she saw as threats, so I wasn't alone, but it was a horrible situation. At least I found another job relatively quickly, and you should too, OP. GET OUT NOW.

This is OP. Your description sounds JUST like her.

If she is that bad, try to gray rock as much as possible. Do not react, do not even notice these things. Make no waves, don’t do anything that would call attention to yourself (no extra projects). Just survive and get out. It might also be helpful to read up/view videos on dealing with narcissists and sociopaths. Good luck and stay safe.

[Anonymous]

In the same boat with my boss OP. It is bad. Go if you can. The advice to gray rock is probably advice I need to take but I can’t avoid the psycho in my office without being insubordinate. Thinking about just quitting but I have a family. It’s awful.

[Anonymous]

Yikes.Your only option is to exit. If she likes burning through female employees, you are next. No one will defend you because they are afraid of her but will talk with you about her behind back. So not helpful. Find a quick exit plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you put “a woman” in parentheses in your opening paragraph? That was evident from the pronouns you used in the subsequent numbered list.

Just struck me as unnecessary (and maybe telling).

This is OP. I did not want to make my (long) post even longer but I had referenced her being a woman because I intended to explain further that I had heard she has historically had difficulty with other employees who were women because she felt threatened by them. She gets along just fine with men. For me this is very difficult because right now although there are other women in the office, I am the only one with the target on my back. She engages in a lot of exclusionary behavior - i.e., calling all of the employees but me into her office to tell a personal story; joking with the other employees but not me; making a big deal of showing something she bought or saw to all of the other employees except for me; rolling her eyes when I speak, etc. It very much gives high school vibes and I am not used to it.

Oh my goodness, OP. I had a boss like this a few years ago. I’m so sorry you’re in the position. I was good at my job, people liked me, and the vicious b$&@! made my life a living hell. I hung on for several months, filed a complaint against her, and so glad I gave her some hell before I found snorted job. The men stood by and did nothing as usual because they’ll just never stand up to an awful female supervisor. I talked to a lawyer who says get out, it will never get better, she wants to show the boys she’s tough too and you’re her target.

You have to get out of there. She’s going nowhere. She’ll just feel more and more empowered. On some level she loves being the alpha female in the room with the mean doting on or tearing her. You’re a threat snd she wants to destroy you. Get out. Don’t grove her the opportunity to harm you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you put “a woman” in parentheses in your opening paragraph? That was evident from the pronouns you used in the subsequent numbered list.

Just struck me as unnecessary (and maybe telling).

This is OP. I did not want to make my (long) post even longer but I had referenced her being a woman because I intended to explain further that I had heard she has historically had difficulty with other employees who were women because she felt threatened by them. She gets along just fine with men. For me this is very difficult because right now although there are other women in the office, I am the only one with the target on my back. She engages in a lot of exclusionary behavior - i.e., calling all of the employees but me into her office to tell a personal story; joking with the other employees but not me; making a big deal of showing something she bought or saw to all of the other employees except for me; rolling her eyes when I speak, etc. It very much gives high school vibes and I am not used to it.

Oh my goodness, OP. I had a boss like this a few years ago. I’m so sorry you’re in the position. I was good at my job, people liked me, and the vicious b$&@! made my life a living hell. I hung on for several months, filed a complaint against her, and so glad I gave her some hell before I found snorted job. The men stood by and did nothing as usual because they’ll just never stand up to an awful female supervisor. I talked to a lawyer who says get out, it will never get better, she wants to show the boys she’s tough too and you’re her target.

You have to get out of there. She’s going nowhere. She’ll just feel more and more empowered. On some level she loves being the alpha female in the room with the mean doting on or tearing her. You’re a threat snd she wants to destroy you. Get out. Don’t grove her the opportunity to harm you.

Corrections… I gave her hell before I found another job (not snorted 😂)

She loves being the alpha female with the men doting in her or fearing her.

These situations show how feral and animal
like humans can be. She’s acting like a territorial animal in the wild.

[Anonymous]

PP here again. These situations are so terrible. And most of the time they all end the same way— the kind, hardworking employee who deserves to be there has to run for her dear life while the psycho stays behind and, in many cases, is eventually promoted.

Sick sad world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you put “a woman” in parentheses in your opening paragraph? That was evident from the pronouns you used in the subsequent numbered list.

Just struck me as unnecessary (and maybe telling).

This is OP. I did not want to make my (long) post even longer but I had referenced her being a woman because I intended to explain further that I had heard she has historically had difficulty with other employees who were women because she felt threatened by them. She gets along just fine with men. For me this is very difficult because right now although there are other women in the office, I am the only one with the target on my back. She engages in a lot of exclusionary behavior - i.e., calling all of the employees but me into her office to tell a personal story; joking with the other employees but not me; making a big deal of showing something she bought or saw to all of the other employees except for me; rolling her eyes when I speak, etc. It very much gives high school vibes and I am not used to it.

Oh my goodness, OP. I had a boss like this a few years ago. I’m so sorry you’re in the position. I was good at my job, people liked me, and the vicious b$&@! made my life a living hell. I hung on for several months, filed a complaint against her, and so glad I gave her some hell before I found snorted job. The men stood by and did nothing as usual because they’ll just never stand up to an awful female supervisor. I talked to a lawyer who says get out, it will never get better, she wants to show the boys she’s tough too and you’re her target.

You have to get out of there. She’s going nowhere. She’ll just feel more and more empowered. On some level she loves being the alpha female in the room with the mean doting on or tearing her. You’re a threat snd she wants to destroy you. Get out. Don’t grove her the opportunity to harm you.

Corrections… I gave her hell before I found another job (not snorted 😂)

She loves being the alpha female with the men doting in her or fearing her.

These situations show how feral and animal
like humans can be. She’s acting like a territorial animal in the wild.

This is OP. You've nailed her - she loves acting tough in front of the guys and they dote on her and kiss up to her, all while watching this happen to me.

[Anonymous]

Lots of openings on USAJobs. You can fight her administratively, but that takes a lot of time and dedication. Best to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in a toxic federal agency. My immediate supervisor appears to like me but his boss (a woman), clearly hates me. Examples:

1) She will come to work, walk down the hallways, say good morning to everyone but me.

2) Every time she communicates with me in writing or in person, it is dripping with contempt or sarcasm.

3) She especially likes to try and undercut me or humiliate me in meetings.

I’ve only been here 6 months. The office skews young and professionally, I am much more experienced than my co-workers by about 10 years. However I don’t boast or brag about my skills, am very low key, a team player, volunteer for additional work all of the time and have had the most wins/successes of my colleagues on some very big projects. However, she never compliments or congratulates me.

My immediate supervisor appears to like me but when his boss lobs jabs at me or is rude or condescending to me in meetings, he does not step in or speak up in my defense. That said, he has indicated that he wants to “protect me” from her and has tried to assure me that he has warded off other instances when she has wanted to come after me.

I have never had this happen at any job (am in mid 40’s). Even my toughest bosses have been professional and polite and expressed appreciation for my work.

Not really sure what to do here.

sorry u are going thru this
Something about the bolded feels weird. your direct boss is in a tough position, for sure, but it feels alittle "oh don't worry i am on yourside in private just not in public"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you put “a woman” in parentheses in your opening paragraph? That was evident from the pronouns you used in the subsequent numbered list.

Just struck me as unnecessary (and maybe telling).

This is OP. I did not want to make my (long) post even longer but I had referenced her being a woman because I intended to explain further that I had heard she has historically had difficulty with other employees who were women because she felt threatened by them. She gets along just fine with men. For me this is very difficult because right now although there are other women in the office, I am the only one with the target on my back. She engages in a lot of exclusionary behavior - i.e., calling all of the employees but me into her office to tell a personal story; joking with the other employees but not me; making a big deal of showing something she bought or saw to all of the other employees except for me; rolling her eyes when I speak, etc. It very much gives high school vibes and I am not used to it.

Oh my goodness, OP. I had a boss like this a few years ago. I’m so sorry you’re in the position. I was good at my job, people liked me, and the vicious b$&@! made my life a living hell. I hung on for several months, filed a complaint against her, and so glad I gave her some hell before I found snorted job. The men stood by and did nothing as usual because they’ll just never stand up to an awful female supervisor. I talked to a lawyer who says get out, it will never get better, she wants to show the boys she’s tough too and you’re her target.

You have to get out of there. She’s going nowhere. She’ll just feel more and more empowered. On some level she loves being the alpha female in the room with the mean doting on or tearing her. You’re a threat snd she wants to destroy you. Get out. Don’t grove her the opportunity to harm you.

Corrections… I gave her hell before I found another job (not snorted 😂)

She loves being the alpha female with the men doting in her or fearing her.

These situations show how feral and animal
like humans can be. She’s acting like a territorial animal in the wild.

This is OP. You've nailed her - she loves acting tough in front of the guys and they dote on her and kiss up to her, all while watching this happen to me.

OP, is she someone’s relative or spouse? Does she have a political connection or a family with money? The bully I once worked for did.

[Anonymous]

I was going to say, when she greets everyone except you, shout out in your most cheery voice "Good morning Helen!".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a toxic federal agency. My immediate supervisor appears to like me but his boss (a woman), clearly hates me. Examples:

1) She will come to work, walk down the hallways, say good morning to everyone but me.

2) Every time she communicates with me in writing or in person, it is dripping with contempt or sarcasm.

3) She especially likes to try and undercut me or humiliate me in meetings.

I’ve only been here 6 months. The office skews young and professionally, I am much more experienced than my co-workers by about 10 years. However I don’t boast or brag about my skills, am very low key, a team player, volunteer for additional work all of the time and have had the most wins/successes of my colleagues on some very big projects. However, she never compliments or congratulates me.

My immediate supervisor appears to like me but when his boss lobs jabs at me or is rude or condescending to me in meetings, he does not step in or speak up in my defense. That said, he has indicated that he wants to “protect me” from her and has tried to assure me that he has warded off other instances when she has wanted to come after me.

I have never had this happen at any job (am in mid 40’s). Even my toughest bosses have been professional and polite and expressed appreciation for my work.

Not really sure what to do here.

sorry u are going thru this
Something about the bolded feels weird. your direct boss is in a tough position, for sure, but it feels alittle "oh don't worry i am on yourside in private just not in public"

This is OP. That is exactly what happens. In private he will say one thing but in front of her or our section, he is silent. So it is not helpful.