My Supervisor’s Boss Hates Me - Come In Please

[Anonymous]

I think having a really short tenure can be a sign of a toxic workplace, I also think having really long tenure can also be a sign too.

My experience is that the person that’s hung around for 10 or 15 years is often incredibly toxic themselves. They are often getting away with a lot of bad behavior, are completely overpaid because they’ve milked various people for unmerited raises, and know that their bad behavior wouldn’t be tolerated anywhere else. So they stay.

Truly strong performers tend to leave at that 3 to 7 year period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dealing with this exact same thing. To a PP’s point, I really do think it boils down to the supervisor being threatened. As a PP said, it’s only worse if you’re attractive and/or have an impressive resume. But I’m convinced the triple threat is if you have a strong work ethic too. Because an insecure person can tell themselves that another person’s good looks or pedigree was bought/is unmerited in one way or another. But someone who is willing to roll up their sleeves? Will run through a brick wall to do excellent work? That can’t be bought. That’s pure talent. And it’s a threat.

Praying for you OP. Please keep me in your thoughts too - I have 2 potential options in the hopper and my goodness do I hope one works out. I had no idea work could be so horrible

This is OP. Fingers crossed for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you put “a woman” in parentheses in your opening paragraph? That was evident from the pronouns you used in the subsequent numbered list.

Just struck me as unnecessary (and maybe telling).

This is OP. I did not want to make my (long) post even longer but I had referenced her being a woman because I intended to explain further that I had heard she has historically had difficulty with other employees who were women because she felt threatened by them. She gets along just fine with men. For me this is very difficult because right now although there are other women in the office, I am the only one with the target on my back. She engages in a lot of exclusionary behavior - i.e., calling all of the employees but me into her office to tell a personal story; joking with the other employees but not me; making a big deal of showing something she bought or saw to all of the other employees except for me; rolling her eyes when I speak, etc. It very much gives high school vibes and I am not used to it.

NP. Are you an attractive woman? I ask because women can be absolutely vicious to other women they perceive as more attractive. It's truly a sickness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you put “a woman” in parentheses in your opening paragraph? That was evident from the pronouns you used in the subsequent numbered list.

Just struck me as unnecessary (and maybe telling).

This is OP. I did not want to make my (long) post even longer but I had referenced her being a woman because I intended to explain further that I had heard she has historically had difficulty with other employees who were women because she felt threatened by them. She gets along just fine with men. For me this is very difficult because right now although there are other women in the office, I am the only one with the target on my back. She engages in a lot of exclusionary behavior - i.e., calling all of the employees but me into her office to tell a personal story; joking with the other employees but not me; making a big deal of showing something she bought or saw to all of the other employees except for me; rolling her eyes when I speak, etc. It very much gives high school vibes and I am not used to it.

NP. Are you an attractive woman? I ask because women can be absolutely vicious to other women they perceive as more attractive. It's truly a sickness.

I am probably an 8 on a scale of 1-10 but I have a stronger resume and better experience than she does which makes her feel threatened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you put “a woman” in parentheses in your opening paragraph? That was evident from the pronouns you used in the subsequent numbered list.

Just struck me as unnecessary (and maybe telling).

This is OP. I did not want to make my (long) post even longer but I had referenced her being a woman because I intended to explain further that I had heard she has historically had difficulty with other employees who were women because she felt threatened by them. She gets along just fine with men. For me this is very difficult because right now although there are other women in the office, I am the only one with the target on my back. She engages in a lot of exclusionary behavior - i.e., calling all of the employees but me into her office to tell a personal story; joking with the other employees but not me; making a big deal of showing something she bought or saw to all of the other employees except for me; rolling her eyes when I speak, etc. It very much gives high school vibes and I am not used to it.

NP. Are you an attractive woman? I ask because women can be absolutely vicious to other women they perceive as more attractive. It's truly a sickness.

I am probably an 8 on a scale of 1-10 but I have a stronger resume and better experience than she does which makes her feel threatened.

So you're pretty AND smart/accomplished. That's the kiss of death for many insecure women who are neither, or who don't believe women can be attractive and intelligent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you put “a woman” in parentheses in your opening paragraph? That was evident from the pronouns you used in the subsequent numbered list.

Just struck me as unnecessary (and maybe telling).

This is OP. I did not want to make my (long) post even longer but I had referenced her being a woman because I intended to explain further that I had heard she has historically had difficulty with other employees who were women because she felt threatened by them. She gets along just fine with men. For me this is very difficult because right now although there are other women in the office, I am the only one with the target on my back. She engages in a lot of exclusionary behavior - i.e., calling all of the employees but me into her office to tell a personal story; joking with the other employees but not me; making a big deal of showing something she bought or saw to all of the other employees except for me; rolling her eyes when I speak, etc. It very much gives high school vibes and I am not used to it.

NP. Are you an attractive woman? I ask because women can be absolutely vicious to other women they perceive as more attractive. It's truly a sickness.

I am probably an 8 on a scale of 1-10 but I have a stronger resume and better experience than she does which makes her feel threatened.

What is your marriage/family situation? Do you have a husband who makes more than hers if she is also married? If you are prettier, more accomplished AND richer than her, you will never, ever be able to get her to move past this. Leave. That is your only option. Also, when you do begin your new role, do whatever you can to tell her boss exactly how she's treated you. Document all the most ridiculous stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you put “a woman” in parentheses in your opening paragraph? That was evident from the pronouns you used in the subsequent numbered list.

Just struck me as unnecessary (and maybe telling).

This is OP. I did not want to make my (long) post even longer but I had referenced her being a woman because I intended to explain further that I had heard she has historically had difficulty with other employees who were women because she felt threatened by them. She gets along just fine with men. For me this is very difficult because right now although there are other women in the office, I am the only one with the target on my back. She engages in a lot of exclusionary behavior - i.e., calling all of the employees but me into her office to tell a personal story; joking with the other employees but not me; making a big deal of showing something she bought or saw to all of the other employees except for me; rolling her eyes when I speak, etc. It very much gives high school vibes and I am not used to it.

NP. Are you an attractive woman? I ask because women can be absolutely vicious to other women they perceive as more attractive. It's truly a sickness.

I am probably an 8 on a scale of 1-10 but I have a stronger resume and better experience than she does which makes her feel threatened.

What is your marriage/family situation? Do you have a husband who makes more than hers if she is also married? If you are prettier, more accomplished AND richer than her, you will never, ever be able to get her to move past this. Leave. That is your only option. Also, when you do begin your new role, do whatever you can to tell her boss exactly how she's treated you. Document all the most ridiculous stuff.

OP. Actually, I never even thought about this. She's divorced and my DH is highly paid (a top exec in his field) at well known company.