My Supervisor’s Boss Hates Me - Come In Please
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Anonymous
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I work in a toxic federal agency. My immediate supervisor appears to like me but his boss (a woman), clearly hates me. Examples:
1) She will come to work, walk down the hallways, say good morning to everyone but me. 2) Every time she communicates with me in writing or in person, it is dripping with contempt or sarcasm. 3) She especially likes to try and undercut me or humiliate me in meetings. I’ve only been here 6 months. The office skews young and professionally, I am much more experienced than my co-workers by about 10 years. However I don’t boast or brag about my skills, am very low key, a team player, volunteer for additional work all of the time and have had the most wins/successes of my colleagues on some very big projects. However, she never compliments or congratulates me. My immediate supervisor appears to like me but when his boss lobs jabs at me or is rude or condescending to me in meetings, he does not step in or speak up in my defense. That said, he has indicated that he wants to “protect me” from her and has tried to assure me that he has warded off other instances when she has wanted to come after me. I have never had this happen at any job (am in mid 40’s). Even my toughest bosses have been professional and polite and expressed appreciation for my work. Not really sure what to do here. |
Anonymous
| Quit and find a new job or a detail. Sorry. |
Anonymous
| Agree, find another job. Don't let her push you into a worse job, but fire up USAJobs and start applying. |
Anonymous
| This is OP. Thanks - am realizing there really isn’t a way out of this. |
Anonymous
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Holy cow. I would be out of there so fast! She wants to crush your confidence and make you kiss the ring. It's ridiculous. And your immediate supervisor can only protect you so much and probably doesn't want to step in the line of fire.
I also had a supervisor almost identical to what you are describing (maybe it's the same person! 😄). She did not like the fact that I was experienced and was not always fawning over her constantly like the younger staff. I put my head down and did good work, had great relationships with my co-workers, but the boss just never warmed to me and constantly picked at me for little things. I left in under a year and landed somewhere great - am still there. So there is a light on the other side of the tunnel. |
Anonymous
| I'd stop volunteering for extra work and going above and beyond. It probably is contributing to her feeling intimidated by you and you may not benefit much come review time. |
Anonymous
| Honestly I would tell my boss not to “protect” me anymore. Let the chips fall. If she is abusive and hostile to you, document it. |
Anonymous
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If you ignore her, are there any consequences?
Your boss claims to support you. How about your coworkers? If your coworkers all think that the boss boss is a clown, and you all ignore her stupidity, can you just go along with your career? Government has a lot of self-important clowns. |
Anonymous
| You can’t win. I had a similar situation once and the only way out was to resign. |
Anonymous
You nailed it. |
Anonymous
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If you want to try and stay in your job, suck up to her in the most authentic way you can. Show you recognize her authority and experience. Ask her for help in a way that is flattering to her. That is how I made it through a similar rough patch when I was new at my job, in a new city, and pregnant. The big boss likes me now.
It definitely might not work, and so if you are able to find another job, you should start looking to. |
Anonymous
| Can you confront her gently about it and ask what’s the deal? |
Anonymous
Not likely to work and also likely to make her more hostile or defensive. 3 nuggets from above are (1) look for new job; (2) STOP taking extra work and going above and beyond (and I know--it's probably not in your nature); (3) yes try some modest sucking up. But basically yeah you're going to have to leave. With any luck you have enough connections that you can easily jump somewhere else. |
Anonymous
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Why did you put “a woman” in parentheses in your opening paragraph? That was evident from the pronouns you used in the subsequent numbered list.
Just struck me as unnecessary (and maybe telling). |
Anonymous
| Find a new job. This will not get better. |