Best Friend Pressuring Me To Invite Quasi Friend to My Wedding

[Anonymous]

While it would have been more calm and less dramatic to come out with "Did you lobby for an invitation for me to her wedding" -- Your "best" friend was utterly out of line to make the ask of you. I would not disinvite best friend, though from the post, her behavior and the fact you're contemplating disinviting her to such an important event, I do question how close you really feel to her. I would drop this entirely and act as if it never happened, since your response clearly shut her down and she's likely embarrassed enough not to ask again. Forget quasi-friend entirely.

Also, was this unusual for your friend to do? Unexpected, out of character? Or does she already have a history of barging in and asking or expecting you to do things she wants, the way she wants them?

If this is typical for her, rethink the closness of this friendship (but again, don't disinvite--that frankly would be a bit extreme and would probably create talk and drama among all your friends).

If this is NOT typical for her at all, show her some grace and forgive her. Maybe this other woman has been pressuring your friend to the point friend just wanted to get her off her back. If you and friend actually are close, you should be able to ask her that--"Was Sally bugging you to do this for her? I'm sorry she did that, and let's forget it all and just focus on the wedding."

If friend is usually trying to fix other people's relationships, again, you can talk with her about that when you've cooled down. "I know you want people always to get along and want all your friends to be friends with each other. That's a kind and sweet trait about you. In this case, I'm not friends with Quasi and a wedding day is about having real, close friends to celebrate with, like you. Please don't try to 'fix' my relationship with Quasi because there isn't a relationship there to fix."

[Anonymous]

Damn it, above should have been:
"While it would have been more calm and less dramatic NOT to come out with..."

[Anonymous]

So we're trolling about marriage invites now ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely didn't have to invite the person, and it was tacky of her to ask, but the way you responded wasn't mature either. JA mature response would be "we've invited the group of close friends that we would like to have at our wedding, and aren't planning to broaden that group at this time. Hope you can make it." Don't disinvite the invited friend at this point, just make it clear that the other person will not be invited, and that you decide who is invited to your wedding.

I don't understand why people write these bizzare scripts in here like this. This isn't a normal conversational tone.

OP your response was perfect. Keep your bf but no need to invite the "friend".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we're trolling about marriage invites now ?

No one else except you seems to be trolling, no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely didn't have to invite the person, and it was tacky of her to ask, but the way you responded wasn't mature either. JA mature response would be "we've invited the group of close friends that we would like to have at our wedding, and aren't planning to broaden that group at this time. Hope you can make it." Don't disinvite the invited friend at this point, just make it clear that the other person will not be invited, and that you decide who is invited to your wedding.

I don't understand why people write these bizzare scripts in here like this. This isn't a normal conversational tone.

OP your response was perfect. Keep your bf but no need to invite the "friend".

+1
These scripts are ridiculous. OP had the absolute perfect response. Only a Stepford wife would say that other sh¡t.

[Anonymous]

Your response is fine. And if your friend continues to harp on inviting Jill then consider whether you really want her there.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why people write these bizzare scripts in here like this. This isn't a normal conversational tone.

OP your response was perfect. Keep your bf but no need to invite the "friend".


+1
These scripts are ridiculous. OP had the absolute perfect response. Only a Stepford wife would say that other sh¡t.

Sorry to hear you feel that way. The other response comes across as immature and overly direct to me, and is not something I would say as an adult, but you do you. I don't generally encounter these issues with my friends, so clearly I run in different circles than many here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely didn't have to invite the person, and it was tacky of her to ask, but the way you responded wasn't mature either. JA mature response would be "we've invited the group of close friends that we would like to have at our wedding, and aren't planning to broaden that group at this time. Hope you can make it." Don't disinvite the invited friend at this point, just make it clear that the other person will not be invited, and that you decide who is invited to your wedding.

I don't understand why people write these bizzare scripts in here like this. This isn't a normal conversational tone.

OP your response was perfect. Keep your bf but no need to invite the "friend".

Ah, the "I hate scripts" person is here! You or your twin turn up on other threads. Do you not get that when posters take time to suggest things to say, they aren't dictating to OPs but suggesting an approach to take? If the tone doesn't work for you, suggest something else. Be constructive rather than critical.

And no, OP's answer was not perfect as she let her bf make her get defensive, but I will agree that she should not un-invite bf over this. I'd drop it entirely with bf now that bf's on notice that it was way out of line.

[Anonymous]

Did you give your friend a +1? Hoping she doesn’t bring Jill!

[Anonymous]

OP your response was perfect. Keep your bf but no need to invite the "friend".


+1
These scripts are ridiculous. OP had the absolute perfect response. Only a Stepford wife would say that other sh¡t.

Eh, to each their own. I don't think anyone would call me a stepford wife who knew me in real life, and no need to use the exact script, but I have found it better to make clear what I intend to do or not do in any given situation vs. focusing on personality issues/dislike of other people. You do you.

[Anonymous]

OP says she's a best friend from childhood, not her best friend.

[Anonymous]

Uninviting someone is not a good look. Don't invite Jill and if your friend is a jerk about it, shut her down, change the topic, walk away, or hang up on her. If she wants to be upset about it, let her. You are not wrong here. Just keep telling yourself that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your response to your best friend was perfect. Just leave it be.

+1

Hell to the no on this request, OP. Just refuse to talk about it. Your wedding, your rules. I gave a couple guest slots up for people I should not have, on my day, and I still regret it. Plus, I don't trust this person you mention to not pull some immature stunt on your special day. Just no. It is not up for discussion.

[Anonymous]

Both you and your friend sound immature. Don't revoke her invite, no need to bring up the invite to the other person's wedding or whether she lobbied for you. You sent the invites out to the people that you wanted to attend, you're not inviting this woman, and there's nothing else to be said or done. Your other friend can either accept her invite or not.