Communication

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, your DH could have stepped up and gotten your daughter dressed. But you did not actually ask him to do anything. If this is his normal work time, then his default is to do work.

You need to say to him something like "I need to shower in preparation for this appointment. Can you please dress daughter, get her teeth brushed, and prep her school bag before I get out of the shower? Then we'll be able to go the instant I'm ready."

This is what you say to your nanny, not your (alleged) co-parent. Jaysus H...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you have 3 kids to raise are all husbands this immature?

Weaponized incompetence is real!

“you never communicate! How am I supposed to know if I need to do something?????”

I dunno, bro! Think with your big head, maybe? Damn...

[Anonymous]

This is why I will repeat again women should not be married. Some men are outstanding dads/husbands when it comes to communication. And the vast majority are not not because they are not trying, but I honestly believe this is an area where men struggle a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would lose my mind over this. But the truth is, I am generally a very direct person. So, I would probably have said “please get her dressed, fed and teeth brushed while I shower.” Because that is just how I operate.

But my husband does just fine getting kids ready without me explaining how it works. What happens if you go out of town?

Let me add if this did happen, the conversation would probably be something like “dude, you knew we were running late and you did nothing to get her ready. I am not your magic fairy. I need you to do stuff you know needs to be done. You manage to be a competent 50 year old human. Do you really expect me to believe you don’t know when a kid needs to get ready in the morning?” Depending on his reaction, this could go in a lot of directions.

I sort of yelled at him something like how do you not even care about anything and just assume I will do EVERYTHING!!! Which was not helpful I know. But I guess starting with what on earth was going through your mind that you just disappeared without checking in that our child was ready would be a good start.

My wife adjusted me over doing something similiar. She ripped into me pretty good.

Did you change? Or just get annoyed at her?

I was annoyed at first but i apologized and i was totally in the wrong.
It was more so i guess because she had already reminded me 3 times and still had to adjust me for being late made her furious. It was bad.

Yikes! You should remind yourself of this every day. She had to remind you 3 times and you still were late??? It's like you are a 14 year old boy!!! Not a gainfully employed adult with 2 kids a dog and a hamster. (I made all that up, but let's assume you have some responsibilities)

Lol i do have alot of maturing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would lose my mind over this. But the truth is, I am generally a very direct person. So, I would probably have said “please get her dressed, fed and teeth brushed while I shower.” Because that is just how I operate.

But my husband does just fine getting kids ready without me explaining how it works. What happens if you go out of town?

I don’t travel a lot but if I am not home he generally does a lot better although some thing might not be ideal. I have been trying to go out with friends a bit more in the evenings and nothing terrible has happened. But if I’m home, it seems like the expectation is I will be in charge.

Ah, yes, the default parent. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-balanced-working-mama/202211/the-default-parent-syndrome-more-just-tiktok-trend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, your DH could have stepped up and gotten your daughter dressed. But you did not actually ask him to do anything. If this is his normal work time, then his default is to do work.

You need to say to him something like "I need to shower in preparation for this appointment. Can you please dress daughter, get her teeth brushed, and prep her school bag before I get out of the shower? Then we'll be able to go the instant I'm ready."

It was not his normal work time. As I wrote, he usually gets the kids ready for school. I start my workday before him. I really disagree that I should need to enumerated the things that need to happen still need to happen even though I am also home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would lose my mind over this. But the truth is, I am generally a very direct person. So, I would probably have said “please get her dressed, fed and teeth brushed while I shower.” Because that is just how I operate.

But my husband does just fine getting kids ready without me explaining how it works. What happens if you go out of town?

Let me add if this did happen, the conversation would probably be something like “dude, you knew we were running late and you did nothing to get her ready. I am not your magic fairy. I need you to do stuff you know needs to be done. You manage to be a competent 50 year old human. Do you really expect me to believe you don’t know when a kid needs to get ready in the morning?” Depending on his reaction, this could go in a lot of directions.

I sort of yelled at him something like how do you not even care about anything and just assume I will do EVERYTHING!!! Which was not helpful I know. But I guess starting with what on earth was going through your mind that you just disappeared without checking in that our child was ready would be a good start.

My wife adjusted me over doing something similiar. She ripped into me pretty good.

Did you change? Or just get annoyed at her?

I was annoyed at first but i apologized and i was totally in the wrong.
It was more so i guess because she had already reminded me 3 times and still had to adjust me for being late made her furious. It was bad.

As long as your apology comes with changed behavior, you sound decent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, your DH could have stepped up and gotten your daughter dressed. But you did not actually ask him to do anything. If this is his normal work time, then his default is to do work.

You need to say to him something like "I need to shower in preparation for this appointment. Can you please dress daughter, get her teeth brushed, and prep her school bag before I get out of the shower? Then we'll be able to go the instant I'm ready."

It was not his normal work time. As I wrote, he usually gets the kids ready for school. I start my workday before him. I really disagree that I should need to enumerated the things that need to happen still need to happen even though I am also home.

Ugh I messed up the quoting

It was not his normal work time. As I wrote, he usually gets the kids ready for school. I start my workday before him. I really disagree that I should need to enumerated the things that need to happen still need to happen even though I am also home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, your DH could have stepped up and gotten your daughter dressed. But you did not actually ask him to do anything. If this is his normal work time, then his default is to do work.

You need to say to him something like "I need to shower in preparation for this appointment. Can you please dress daughter, get her teeth brushed, and prep her school bag before I get out of the shower? Then we'll be able to go the instant I'm ready."

This is what you say to your nanny, not your (alleged) co-parent. Jaysus H...

Yes exactly. He knows that these appointments are really hard on her and we often have a challenging morning. Mornings are often tough because this child has ADHD and it takes a while for meds to kick in. Do dads really want to have the dynamic where their wives walk them through routine tasks every moment? I feel like if I said this list to my husband he’d complain that I’m a micromanager. You can’t win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would lose my mind over this. But the truth is, I am generally a very direct person. So, I would probably have said “please get her dressed, fed and teeth brushed while I shower.” Because that is just how I operate.

But my husband does just fine getting kids ready without me explaining how it works. What happens if you go out of town?

Let me add if this did happen, the conversation would probably be something like “dude, you knew we were running late and you did nothing to get her ready. I am not your magic fairy. I need you to do stuff you know needs to be done. You manage to be a competent 50 year old human. Do you really expect me to believe you don’t know when a kid needs to get ready in the morning?” Depending on his reaction, this could go in a lot of directions.

I sort of yelled at him something like how do you not even care about anything and just assume I will do EVERYTHING!!! Which was not helpful I know. But I guess starting with what on earth was going through your mind that you just disappeared without checking in that our child was ready would be a good start.

When DH does do something without you telling him specifically, do you (sometimes) berate him for doing it wrong? I'm getting the vibe that you are overly controlling, which may have the unintended consequence that no one wants to do something for fear of doing it "wrong"

What gives you the vibe I am controlling? The fact that I wanted to shower or the fact that I wanted my child to be dressed? There are things I care about a lot, like what actually happened at the appointment which is why I take her myself and he is fine with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would lose my mind over this. But the truth is, I am generally a very direct person. So, I would probably have said “please get her dressed, fed and teeth brushed while I shower.” Because that is just how I operate.

But my husband does just fine getting kids ready without me explaining how it works. What happens if you go out of town?

Let me add if this did happen, the conversation would probably be something like “dude, you knew we were running late and you did nothing to get her ready. I am not your magic fairy. I need you to do stuff you know needs to be done. You manage to be a competent 50 year old human. Do you really expect me to believe you don’t know when a kid needs to get ready in the morning?” Depending on his reaction, this could go in a lot of directions.

I sort of yelled at him something like how do you not even care about anything and just assume I will do EVERYTHING!!! Which was not helpful I know. But I guess starting with what on earth was going through your mind that you just disappeared without checking in that our child was ready would be a good start.

When DH does do something without you telling him specifically, do you (sometimes) berate him for doing it wrong? I'm getting the vibe that you are overly controlling, which may have the unintended consequence that no one wants to do something for fear of doing it "wrong"

What gives you the vibe I am controlling? The fact that I wanted to shower or the fact that I wanted my child to be dressed? There are things I care about a lot, like what actually happened at the appointment which is why I take her myself and he is fine with that. [/quote

It dont mattet what you had to do he should be mature enough to follow your lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, your DH could have stepped up and gotten your daughter dressed. But you did not actually ask him to do anything. If this is his normal work time, then his default is to do work.

You need to say to him something like "I need to shower in preparation for this appointment. Can you please dress daughter, get her teeth brushed, and prep her school bag before I get out of the shower? Then we'll be able to go the instant I'm ready."

This is what you say to your nanny, not your (alleged) co-parent. Jaysus H...

Yes exactly. He knows that these appointments are really hard on her and we often have a challenging morning. Mornings are often tough because this child has ADHD and it takes a while for meds to kick in. Do dads really want to have the dynamic where their wives walk them through routine tasks every moment? I feel like if I said this list to my husband he’d complain that I’m a micromanager. You can’t win.

Ask him: do you work here, or do you live here? If you're just working, and need to be instructed, I'll be the boss. Don't complain. If you live here, and are invested in the goings on, there shouldn't be a problem getting the kids ready on time, and I shouldn't need to provide you a checklist. Choose, dude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, your DH could have stepped up and gotten your daughter dressed. But you did not actually ask him to do anything. If this is his normal work time, then his default is to do work.

You need to say to him something like "I need to shower in preparation for this appointment. Can you please dress daughter, get her teeth brushed, and prep her school bag before I get out of the shower? Then we'll be able to go the instant I'm ready."

This is what you say to your nanny, not your (alleged) co-parent. Jaysus H...

Yes exactly. He knows that these appointments are really hard on her and we often have a challenging morning. Mornings are often tough because this child has ADHD and it takes a while for meds to kick in. Do dads really want to have the dynamic where their wives walk them through routine tasks every moment? I feel like if I said this list to my husband he’d complain that I’m a micromanager. You can’t win.

Ask him: do you work here, or do you live here? If you're just working, and need to be instructed, I'll be the boss. Don't complain. If you live here, and are invested in the goings on, there shouldn't be a problem getting the kids ready on time, and I shouldn't need to provide you a checklist. Choose, dude.

Thats basically what my wife would tell me.

[Anonymous]

I ripped my husband apart yesterday i asked him to take our 4yr old to a dr appt. He missed the appt was the first strike. I come home from work he is playing video games the house is a mess no chores were done. I left him simple rules to follow. He then has the you know what to ask for sex last night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ripped my husband apart yesterday i asked him to take our 4yr old to a dr appt. He missed the appt was the first strike. I come home from work he is playing video games the house is a mess no chores were done. I left him simple rules to follow. He then has the you know what to ask for sex last night.

I'd say "sure, baby! How 'bout a beej?" and then bite it off.