I hate who I am becoming

[Anonymous]

Anyone who is not getting enough sleep will be out of sorts, so there’s nothing wrong with you.

Is there a sleep aid you can give her? And yes I would start looking into next steps/caregivers because dementia will only worsen.

[Anonymous]

OMG that sounds awful. Don't know what to say except put her in a home ASAP if at all possible. Dementia is so cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been caring for my mom for years but this past year she’s taken a terrible turn for the worse with her dementia and just general living skills. But the thing that is driving me, and my household, crazy is her inability to sleep through the night. Multiple times (3, 4, 5, 8) a night, the calling out, the searching for someone, the claims that she has nothing, that everyone has abandoned her, the inability to use the bathroom…. I haven’t slept through the night in so long and I am so grouchy and short tempered and unkind and just not the person I thought I was. I feel stripped of all the positive parts of me and all that is left is a grumpy shell. I’m still able to be kind to others, but I just can’t work that up for my mom anymore. It’s just a well of resentment and anger and honestly disgust. I’ve worked with her doctors on multiple drugs to help with sleeping, but none have worked. They have all had serious side effects or they’ve made no difference. Falling asleep is never a problem it’s staying asleep. I talked to two nursing homes and we’re going to do a 30 day respite at one, but I don’t want her to come back. Ever. I feel like my life has been stolen from me and I just can’t go back. I’ve made her cry with my callousness, and it makes me feel more like a terrible human being, but I can’t seem to change my attitude.

I just need a place to vent. No one in my friend’s group has gone through this yet. And I’m pretty sure they have no idea the soul crushing weight of guilt and hurt and poison and shame that I am not the person I thought I was.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I can feel your pain reading this. It sucks but it's not forever. You'll get through it. You're only human, not a saint.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks all. I really needed the back pats today. It’s just been a sucky few months on top of a hard few years and I am just done.

[Anonymous]

I've been a caregiver to my MIL for 17 yrs. She's 101 and lives with us. I know how you feel and understand. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

If she is going to come back to your home after respite care, you should look into getting a night nurse’s aide to spend the overnights with her so you and the family can all sleep undisturbed. Otherwise the chronic insomnia will end up shaving precious time off your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For your health, you must find someplace other than your home to take her.

I had also been through a long stretch without proper sleep and am now reaping major health problems. I trace all of it back to my time when I thought it was okay that middle aged me wasn't getting a decent amount of sleep.

This. I was someone that thought it was ok to sleep 5 hours a night. I just read Peter Attia's "Outlive" and he dedicates a whole chapter to the importance of sleep and the impact that the lack of it can have on your health. We should be striving for 8 hours.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. You are not bad. My sister and I were stressed out with parent needs and their declining health.

Getting them into a place with care reduced my stress and anxiety by a lot!

I hope you find a good place for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been a caregiver to my MIL for 17 yrs. She's 101 and lives with us. I know how you feel and understand. Hang in there.

Omg this sounds terrible. I hope your spouse is appreciative. I could never.

[Anonymous]

I’m just popping by to say I’m sorry. I know this is a lot and there’s nothing wrong with you throwing in the towel. You (and none of us) should have to go through this. You are a saint, you need to put your own oxygen mask first. I’m just sorry, it’s so hard.

[Anonymous]

I nearly lost my mind the first two years of parenting when my ds would not sleep through the night. Sleep deprivation is a horrible thing that will wreck you.

I’m sorry for what you’re dealing with, and I encourage you to bring in some help or change your living arrangements because this is truly not sustainable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been a caregiver to my MIL for 17 yrs. She's 101 and lives with us. I know how you feel and understand. Hang in there.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Magnesium?

[Anonymous]

God bless you OP. I hope and pray you can find some peace soon!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been a caregiver to my MIL for 17 yrs. She's 101 and lives with us. I know how you feel and understand. Hang in there.

How are you handling it. Thats a very long time.