Reply to I hate who I am becoming

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "I hate who I am becoming"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve been caring for my mom for years but this past year she’s taken a terrible turn for the worse with her dementia and just general living skills.  But the thing that is driving me, and my household, crazy is her inability to sleep through the night.  Multiple times (3, 4, 5, 8) a night, the calling out, the searching for someone, the claims that she has nothing, that everyone has abandoned her, the inability to use the bathroom…. I haven’t slept through the night in so long and I am so grouchy and short tempered and unkind and just not the person I thought I was.  I feel stripped of all the positive parts of me and all that is left is a grumpy shell.  I’m still able to be kind to others, but I just can’t work that up for my mom anymore.  It’s just a well of resentment and anger and honestly disgust.  I’ve worked with her doctors on multiple drugs to help with sleeping, but none have worked.  They have all had serious side effects or they’ve made no difference.  Falling asleep is never a problem it’s staying asleep.  I talked to two nursing homes and we’re going to do a 30 day respite at one, but I don’t want her to come back.  Ever.  I feel like my life has been stolen from me and I just can’t go back.  I’ve made her cry with my callousness, and it makes me feel more like a terrible human being, but I can’t seem to change my attitude.

I just need a place to vent.  No one in my friend’s group has gone through this yet.  And I’m pretty sure they have no idea the soul crushing weight of guilt and hurt and poison and shame that I am not the person I thought I was.  [/quote]

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I can feel your pain reading this. It sucks but it's not forever.  You'll get through it. You're only human, not a saint. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics