I hate who I am becoming

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been a caregiver to my MIL for 17 yrs. She's 101 and lives with us. I know how you feel and understand. Hang in there.

Omg this sounds terrible. I hope your spouse is appreciative. I could never.

I think it sounds amazing. If she is 101 clearly well taken care off. Hats off. But OPs situation sounds very different. No way should she keep doing what she is doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thank you all. I really appreciated your kind words and your perspective. I was in a dark and bleak place. The next day I called around for respite care and eventually found a lovely place for her that was clean, safe and most importantly kind and caring. She died a week after moving. I don’t know if the move hastened her timing, but what I can see now with distance and time is that she was very near the end. I still feel the weight of some of that guilt, but it’s starting to ease. I was so deep in, that I couldn’t see the full picture. Thank you again for offering perspective, permission and support.

OP I'm sorry and please get some quality sleep. And try to remember the good times with your mom and not the last few months or years. Do not feel guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thank you all. I really appreciated your kind words and your perspective. I was in a dark and bleak place. The next day I called around for respite care and eventually found a lovely place for her that was clean, safe and most importantly kind and caring. She died a week after moving. I don’t know if the move hastened her timing, but what I can see now with distance and time is that she was very near the end. I still feel the weight of some of that guilt, but it’s starting to ease. I was so deep in, that I couldn’t see the full picture. Thank you again for offering perspective, permission and support.

Please don’t feel guilty. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. You did what you did to survive. Your mother was cared for her last week and it allowed her to finally be free. There is no way if she were aware she would have wanted you to suffer or feel any guilt.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry for your loss, OP. It sounds like you handled things as well as you could given the challenging circumstances.

I wish you peace.