Newish friend didn't remember my birthday

[Anonymous]

You MUST get over yourself, OP. You mentioned it in passing several times? Good Lord.

When I want people to celebrate my birthday, I invite them to a lunch or dinner or cup of tea or whatever, and tell them it's to celebrate my birthday. They come, usually with a token gift, and we have a great time.

If someone I don't know well doesn't send me wishes for my birthday, that's perfectly fine, I don't expect them to. If it's someone very close to me and they forget, yes, that would make me worried, because usually they don't.

[Anonymous]

You met in a divorce support group which means she has her own shit going on. I get being hurt but thinking less of her as a friend seems like a bit of an overreaction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why DCUM is not a representative sample of humanity. People aren't allowed to have normal/disappointed responses. Everyone is so "above it all." Even birthdays. Good lord.

There’s nothing wrong with noticing or being disappointed. I’m 44 and I have a group of college friends who texts on birthdays, and I didn’t hear from two of that group this particular year. I felt a little twinge over that, yeah. But I didn’t let that “twinge” affect my feelings about them or my friendships with them, especially given all the kind, generous, fun, supportive things they’ve done for me over the years.

To ignore all the moments of kindness and connection that made you friends in the first place and choose to focus over this one little thing is, frankly, selfish and absurd.

[Anonymous]

I make a point to recognize people's birthdays! It's a small but impactful kindness and makes people feel connected, supported, and seen in this wild world.

[Anonymous]

How do you know she saw your “stories” or whatever? She may have truly just blanked on the day. She may have had other shit going on. Maybe she just lost track of days. This is not the friendship crime you’re making it out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You met in a divorce support group which means she has her own shit going on. I get being hurt but thinking less of her as a friend seems like a bit of an overreaction

Agree. Maybe she got in a huge fight with her ex. Maybe her kids are angry at her and said something awful to her. Maybe she broke her foot. Maybe she just .... thinks birthdays are for family and close friends only.

[Anonymous]

I get the hurt. I would assume something bad happened and she wasn’t able to wish you. I had a close friend who basically disappeared during my pregnancy and I was sad but then later she came back after she got pregnant too (was suffering with infertility before) and I was happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know she saw your “stories” or whatever? She may have truly just blanked on the day. She may have had other shit going on. Maybe she just lost track of days. This is not the friendship crime you’re making it out to be.

This. And if OP is over there monitoring her friend's online presence... Well that says a lot about OPs maturity.

[Anonymous]

OP you're 40, not 4. Expecting others to care is highly immature and self centered. People have WAY too much to think about already, to remember random birthdays of friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know she saw your “stories” or whatever? She may have truly just blanked on the day. She may have had other shit going on. Maybe she just lost track of days. This is not the friendship crime you’re making it out to be.

NP. Not an expert but I am pretty sure you can tell who sees FB and IG stories. With regular posts you can’t tell unless they like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please do her the favor and give her the gift of not pretending to be her friend anymore. Because you’re not a friend, you are an immature, selfish brat who only seeks attention, not connection.

+1

I have friends from all stages of my life - and each of them how bad I am with certain information, including birthdays, OP. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is your friend. You're blowing this so far out of proportion I'm having a hard time believing its real.

t

This.

[Anonymous]

So OP did something for her bday since she posted something on her stories. But it wasnt with her kids. So did OP do something with other friends? Maybe her friend was offended not to be included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you're 40, not 4. Expecting others to care is highly immature and self centered. People have WAY too much to think about already, to remember random birthdays of friends.

No they don't. Most adults I know remember friends' birthdays and aren't "so overwhelmed" - they get thru the day fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP did something for her bday since she posted something on her stories. But it wasnt with her kids. So did OP do something with other friends? Maybe her friend was offended not to be included.

I was wondering about this too. And if she didn’t come to OP’s party because she was busy then… maybe she was just busy?