Warning shot

[Anonymous]

Why so much drama, OP?

Your story can be reduced to:

Elderly folks decide to spend all their money on themselves, perhaps too hastily given possible future eldercare costs, or not, because no one can predict the future.

Adult children decide to limit future expenditure on eldercare, given their parents' decision.

The end.

All this is normal, understandable and not shocking. There is no need to create a thread on this.

[Anonymous]

I am Gen X and never expected an inheritance. But I received $4000 from my parents after they passed away. I split it in two and opened Roth IRAs for my teens as soon as they had earned income. Hoping compounded interest benefits them given I could spend $4k in no time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why so much drama, OP?

Your story can be reduced to:

Elderly folks decide to spend all their money on themselves, perhaps too hastily given possible future eldercare costs, or not, because no one can predict the future.

Adult children decide to limit future expenditure on eldercare, given their parents' decision.

The end.

All this is normal, understandable and not shocking. There is no need to create a thread on this.

Clearly you are not good at avoiding what you see as drama as you decided to comment.

Regarding the bolded, so many folks post here and on the FB Sandwich Generation page on what to do when parents need support, especially if they may not have been conservative with their money. It's a fairly common theme.

Then there are two siblings involved with fairly different HHI. There are many posts here and on that FB page about how to navigate when siblings have different POVs, bank accounts, etc in these circumstances.

Then there are, in some instances, spouses/partners of these siblings who may have their own set of circumstances they are navigating with their own relations.

I am not sure it is so cut and dry to "limit future expenditure on eldercare, given their parents' decision." I can see DH struggling with wanting to support his parents, but not necessarily in the style in which his mom may want to be. Can also see him struggling if he does support yet there are some remaining parental funds - should those remainders then be split evenly with his sibling or should the funds reimburse him for the expenditures.

I thought the article was interesting as it confirmed something I had been observing for awhile in my extended family and with my friends and their families. Was also piqued by it as I see a chasm between a generation of folks where some were able to live well due to low housing costs/good school districts and the following ones where it takes a lot more dollars to live in a comparable school district, pay for healthcare, etc. That former generation can often think that the problem is a Starbuck's latte.

The intergenerational transfer of assets has played a fairly significant role in our economy. The cessation of that, or at least to a large extent, will also have ripple effects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am Gen X and never expected an inheritance. But I received $4000 from my parents after they passed away. I split it in two and opened Roth IRAs for my teens as soon as they had earned income. Hoping compounded interest benefits them given I could spend $4k in no time.

That's great - any kind of nest egg can be of help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The article is biased, IMO. Skewing against the horrid boomer generation.

Where was it ever written that adult children should count on significant inheritances and parents should conserve/preserve their assets for their kids to enjoy after their deaths?

Most Boomers did not inherit money from their parents, the Greatest Generation, who were Depresssion-era.

The money Boomers have they earned. Many of them (working blue collar jobs) also put their kids through college, which they themselves didn't have the benefit of.

Yet their adult kids begrudge them going on trips and enjoying what little time they have left? What a sad world we live in.

Both of my boomer parents inherited millions from their greatest generation parents. My dad died first and left everything to my mom, except for the stuff that was in generation skipping trusts. My mom is of the attitude “I’ll spend it all”. I tell her to enjoy life, but make sure she has enough to take care of herself because I’m not paying for her care if she spends all of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:eh.. I'm getting nothing. Poor immigrant parents.

DH *might* get $200K, but that's looking iffy now because his mother will need LTC at the tune of $1500/week.

So yea, don't count your chickens until they are hatched.

Or, in this case, before they are slaughtered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was really happy to see my mother spend money on cruises, visiting family often in another country and even buying a condo there, buying a safer car with automatic breaking and sensors,, etc.

What is tough to see is how much money is going to be wasted as she cognitively declines from dementia. I took her to the dentist and lunch last week in the morning and when I called her in the evening she asked when I was going to visit because she hadn’t seen me in a while. She had no memory she went to the dentist or out to lunch with me. She is anti-depression medication because she realizes she is losing her mind and expresses how she doesn’t want to live like this. She is now spending $80,000 a year for an assisted living plus medication management and some other devices. As she declines more and more it will be 100-120k every year. Her neurologist told me she probably has 5 more years but it can be hard to predict.

If she were cognitively aware she would be appalled her end of life care is going to be over $600,000 and the quality is awful.

I have told my husband and kids I plan on going to Switzerland for assisted suicide as. Soon as I get a diagnosis of cognitive impairment because I would rather my kids get something like $300,000 each instead of a corporation that has bought up assisted living places and I do not want my kids to have the stress of dealing with a parent with dementia.

Are you saying she's crazy to not kill herself?

[Anonymous]

On one hand, technological progress gives the younger generation wealth that the other generation never had. On the other hand, financial / social structure ollapse gives the older generation a lot more more wealth the younger generation doesn't get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was really happy to see my mother spend money on cruises, visiting family often in another country and even buying a condo there, buying a safer car with automatic breaking and sensors,, etc.

What is tough to see is how much money is going to be wasted as she cognitively declines from dementia. I took her to the dentist and lunch last week in the morning and when I called her in the evening she asked when I was going to visit because she hadn’t seen me in a while. She had no memory she went to the dentist or out to lunch with me. She is anti-depression medication because she realizes she is losing her mind and expresses how she doesn’t want to live like this. She is now spending $80,000 a year for an assisted living plus medication management and some other devices. As she declines more and more it will be 100-120k every year. Her neurologist told me she probably has 5 more years but it can be hard to predict.

If she were cognitively aware she would be appalled her end of life care is going to be over $600,000 and the quality is awful.

I have told my husband and kids I plan on going to Switzerland for assisted suicide as. Soon as I get a diagnosis of cognitive impairment because I would rather my kids get something like $300,000 each instead of a corporation that has bought up assisted living places and I do not want my kids to have the stress of dealing with a parent with dementia.

I assume you earn more than $120K, so that it's better to pay for memory care than to care for her yourself. So, there's no problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The article is biased, IMO. Skewing against the horrid boomer generation.

Where was it ever written that adult children should count on significant inheritances and parents should conserve/preserve their assets for their kids to enjoy after their deaths?

Most Boomers did not inherit money from their parents, the Greatest Generation, who were Depresssion-era.

The money Boomers have they earned. Many of them (working blue collar jobs) also put their kids through college, which they themselves didn't have the benefit of.

Yet their adult kids begrudge them going on trips and enjoying what little time they have left? What a sad world we live in.

Both of my boomer parents inherited millions from their greatest generation parents. My dad died first and left everything to my mom, except for the stuff that was in generation skipping trusts. My mom is of the attitude “I’ll spend it all”. I tell her to enjoy life, but make sure she has enough to take care of herself because I’m not paying for her care if she spends all of money.

Do you think that's typical? Of my Greatest Generation grandfathers one drove a bus, the other was a teamster. My parents didn't inherit squat. They've done pretty well for themselves but there won't be much left by the time they are done. We all have to make our own way in this world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The article is biased, IMO. Skewing against the horrid boomer generation.

Where was it ever written that adult children should count on significant inheritances and parents should conserve/preserve their assets for their kids to enjoy after their deaths?

Most Boomers did not inherit money from their parents, the Greatest Generation, who were Depresssion-era.

The money Boomers have they earned. Many of them (working blue collar jobs) also put their kids through college, which they themselves didn't have the benefit of.

Yet their adult kids begrudge them going on trips and enjoying what little time they have left? What a sad world we live in.

Both of my boomer parents inherited millions from their greatest generation parents. My dad died first and left everything to my mom, except for the stuff that was in generation skipping trusts. My mom is of the attitude “I’ll spend it all”. I tell her to enjoy life, but make sure she has enough to take care of herself because I’m not paying for her care if she spends all of money.

Do you think that's typical? Of my Greatest Generation grandfathers one drove a bus, the other was a teamster. My parents didn't inherit squat. They've done pretty well for themselves but there won't be much left by the time they are done. We all have to make our own way in this world.

Of course it’s not typical but the Greatest Generation fought in WWII, came home and worked throughout the greatest economic boom in history because every other country was decimated by the war. Lots of Boomers have definitely inherited from their parents. My grandfather was a lifelong federal LEO with a SAHM but he bought a house in the Bay Area in 1950 plus he had money in the market. My Boomer uncles were schoolteachers and inherited a ton more than they ever made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The article is biased, IMO. Skewing against the horrid boomer generation.

Where was it ever written that adult children should count on significant inheritances and parents should conserve/preserve their assets for their kids to enjoy after their deaths?

Most Boomers did not inherit money from their parents, the Greatest Generation, who were Depresssion-era.

The money Boomers have they earned. Many of them (working blue collar jobs) also put their kids through college, which they themselves didn't have the benefit of.

Yet their adult kids begrudge them going on trips and enjoying what little time they have left? What a sad world we live in.

Both of my boomer parents inherited millions from their greatest generation parents. My dad died first and left everything to my mom, except for the stuff that was in generation skipping trusts. My mom is of the attitude “I’ll spend it all”. I tell her to enjoy life, but make sure she has enough to take care of herself because I’m not paying for her care if she spends all of money.

Do you think that's typical? Of my Greatest Generation grandfathers one drove a bus, the other was a teamster. My parents didn't inherit squat. They've done pretty well for themselves but there won't be much left by the time they are done. We all have to make our own way in this world.

Of course it’s not typical but the Greatest Generation fought in WWII, came home and worked throughout the greatest economic boom in history because every other country was decimated by the war. Lots of Boomers have definitely inherited from their parents. My grandfather was a lifelong federal LEO with a SAHM but he bought a house in the Bay Area in 1950 plus he had money in the market. My Boomer uncles were schoolteachers and inherited a ton more than they ever made.

LOTS of Boomers haven not inherited much. You know some rich people or are from money. But you're mad you're not even richer than you are? Or that other people have even more money? Earn your own money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The article is biased, IMO. Skewing against the horrid boomer generation.

Where was it ever written that adult children should count on significant inheritances and parents should conserve/preserve their assets for their kids to enjoy after their deaths?

Most Boomers did not inherit money from their parents, the Greatest Generation, who were Depresssion-era.

The money Boomers have they earned. Many of them (working blue collar jobs) also put their kids through college, which they themselves didn't have the benefit of.

Yet their adult kids begrudge them going on trips and enjoying what little time they have left? What a sad world we live in.

Both of my boomer parents inherited millions from their greatest generation parents. My dad died first and left everything to my mom, except for the stuff that was in generation skipping trusts. My mom is of the attitude “I’ll spend it all”. I tell her to enjoy life, but make sure she has enough to take care of herself because I’m not paying for her care if she spends all of money.

OP here. FiL inherited low 7 figures from his parents and they’ve blown through that and are now onto their own savings.

Neither DH nor sibling ever commented on the “spend it all.” But that may partially be due to their not fully grasping how expensive health care costs can be when in the 4th quarter. DH is now much more conscious of the spend rate but probably still not able to say “slow down lest this really be on you.”

[Anonymous]

FiL inherited low 7 figures from his parents and they’ve blown through that and are now onto their own savings.

You should not know this

and guess what -- most elderly people rely "on their own savings". Of course they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

FiL inherited low 7 figures from his parents and they’ve blown through that and are now onto their own savings.

You should not know this

and guess what -- most elderly people rely "on their own savings". Of course they do.

Duh, yes, I realize that most elderly rely on their own savings. They had a huge cushion, they blew through this, and their savings are now dwindling and they haven't even hit the big expenses. How do I know this? DH has told me while trying to get a handle on their burn rate.