Warning shot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

FiL inherited low 7 figures from his parents and they’ve blown through that and are now onto their own savings.

You should not know this

and guess what -- most elderly people rely "on their own savings". Of course they do.

Duh, yes, I realize that most elderly rely on their own savings. They had a huge cushion, they blew through this, and their savings are now dwindling and they haven't even hit the big expenses. How do I know this? DH has told me while trying to get a handle on their burn rate.

If they burn through it all, it’s not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Where was it ever written that adult children should count on significant inheritances and parents should conserve/preserve their assets for their kids to enjoy after their deaths?

This is the attitude of the eternal peasant who came from nothing and will leave nothing, even unto the nth generation.

You should not need written instructions to tell you that creating generational wealth is superior to pissing it all away in your own lifetime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was really happy to see my mother spend money on cruises, visiting family often in another country and even buying a condo there, buying a safer car with automatic breaking and sensors,, etc.

What is tough to see is how much money is going to be wasted as she cognitively declines from dementia. I took her to the dentist and lunch last week in the morning and when I called her in the evening she asked when I was going to visit because she hadn’t seen me in a while. She had no memory she went to the dentist or out to lunch with me. She is anti-depression medication because she realizes she is losing her mind and expresses how she doesn’t want to live like this. She is now spending $80,000 a year for an assisted living plus medication management and some other devices. As she declines more and more it will be 100-120k every year. Her neurologist told me she probably has 5 more years but it can be hard to predict.

If she were cognitively aware she would be appalled her end of life care is going to be over $600,000 and the quality is awful.

I have told my husband and kids I plan on going to Switzerland for assisted suicide as. Soon as I get a diagnosis of cognitive impairment because I would rather my kids get something like $300,000 each instead of a corporation that has bought up assisted living places and I do not want my kids to have the stress of dealing with a parent with dementia.

That’s a good idea about booking the ticket soon after diagnosis. My parent has Alzheimers and is in continent and does hasn’t recognized us for years. That is not a good quality of life.

[Anonymous]

It's ironic that we all claim spending $120k annually for our elderly parents is pissing away money, and yet we claim we all need and have saved enough for over $200k annually in retirement without spending the principle

[Anonymous]

For all of you that think going to another country to get euthanized is easy, think again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all of you that think going to another country to get euthanized is easy, think again.

It isnt easy so it’s something I am thinking about now in my 50’s and will continue to do so in my 60’s and 70’s. I am 100% certain I don’t want to suffer and wither away for years with Alzheimer’s/dementia. It is so cruel to make a person endure losing the ability to walk, to become incontinent, to lose the ability to recognize loved ones, then lose the ability to eat and drink.

[Anonymous]

It's easy to get euthanized in my country, Canada. We qualify for almost everything including the early stages of Alzheimer's. The doctors will even warn you when you are getting close to slipping past competence.

I will never go to a care home or piss away a lifetime of savings and hand it to the elder-care-industry. Even if I had a stroke and couldn't communicate except through eye blinks I would choose it. They also don't keep us going on life support very long. They tend to pull the plug fairly soon. We have half the rate of dialysis as Americans do.

The American fake "life is sacred" is really about the dough-re-mi. Follow the money, it's always about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Where was it ever written that adult children should count on significant inheritances and parents should conserve/preserve their assets for their kids to enjoy after their deaths?

This is the attitude of the eternal peasant who came from nothing and will leave nothing, even unto the nth generation.

You should not need written instructions to tell you that creating generational wealth is superior to pissing it all away in your own lifetime.

So so true. Many working folks who struggle might not, or not as much, if there had been even a small cushion of money to help with a first home purchase or to stave off medical debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

FiL inherited low 7 figures from his parents and they’ve blown through that and are now onto their own savings.

You should not know this

and guess what -- most elderly people rely "on their own savings". Of course they do.

Duh, yes, I realize that most elderly rely on their own savings. They had a huge cushion, they blew through this, and their savings are now dwindling and they haven't even hit the big expenses. How do I know this? DH has told me while trying to get a handle on their burn rate.

If they burn through it all, it’s not your problem.

So how would you handle when they cannot cover their expenses while aging in place or if one or both of them requires nursing care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Where was it ever written that adult children should count on significant inheritances and parents should conserve/preserve their assets for their kids to enjoy after their deaths?

This is the attitude of the eternal peasant who came from nothing and will leave nothing, even unto the nth generation.

You should not need written instructions to tell you that creating generational wealth is superior to pissing it all away in your own lifetime.

So so true. Many working folks who struggle might not, or not as much, if there had been even a small cushion of money to help with a first home purchase or to stave off medical debt.

But the reality for many is living like a peasant, spending nothing, being miserly, to pass a little along. Most people don’t have much of anything to bequeath after long term care. They aren’t living large going on luxury cruises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's easy to get euthanized in my country, Canada. We qualify for almost everything including the early stages of Alzheimer's. The doctors will even warn you when you are getting close to slipping past competence.

I will never go to a care home or piss away a lifetime of savings and hand it to the elder-care-industry. Even if I had a stroke and couldn't communicate except through eye blinks I would choose it. They also don't keep us going on life support very long. They tend to pull the plug fairly soon. We have half the rate of dialysis as Americans do.

The American fake "life is sacred" is really about the dough-re-mi. Follow the money, it's always about that.

What a great system. I am not hopeful things will change in the U.S. maybe one or two states will pass something similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Where was it ever written that adult children should count on significant inheritances and parents should conserve/preserve their assets for their kids to enjoy after their deaths?

This is the attitude of the eternal peasant who came from nothing and will leave nothing, even unto the nth generation.

You should not need written instructions to tell you that creating generational wealth is superior to pissing it all away in your own lifetime.

So so true. Many working folks who struggle might not, or not as much, if there had been even a small cushion of money to help with a first home purchase or to stave off medical debt.

But the reality for many is living like a peasant, spending nothing, being miserly, to pass a little along. Most people don’t have much of anything to bequeath after long term care. They aren’t living large going on luxury cruises.

Agree. But a lot of the discussion here is about how should children respond when parents are big spenders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She also doesn't get how expensive life has become for families over the last 30 years and how her daughter could really benefit from a bequest.

Whatever. Life was always expensive for families. Do you know what a tv cost in 1975?
People need to make their own way in the world, and counting on an inheritance is a terrible way to live life.

x100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She also doesn't get how expensive life has become for families over the last 30 years and how her daughter could really benefit from a bequest.

Whatever. Life was always expensive for families. Do you know what a tv cost in 1975?
People need to make their own way in the world, and counting on an inheritance is a terrible way to live life.

x100000

I think it can be, yes. But I do struggle when parents have lived large, partially due to an inheritance, then turn around and spend so much that they are at risk of their kids need to support them.

Look, my parents did inherit some modest amounts of money from my maternal grandparents but my parents didn't have a lot of money. They worked hard, didn't earn much, and had a SN adult child at home with them. None of us siblings expected we would receive anything monetary.

We do have money and plan to leave what we can to our children. No, we won't live like peasants to do it, but we are not going to be frivolous either just because we can.

[Anonymous]

I still don't feel like I have replies from posters who say, "don't help them out."

What are we supposed to say? Has someone on here ever said to a parent - or know someone who has - we will pay for this home @ X/month, but not this one for X+4K/month?