Warning shot

[Anonymous]

https://www.nbcnews.com/business/consumer/generational-wealth-transfer-baby-boomers-cant-save-gen-x-millennials-rcna128099?utm_source=pocket-newtab-en-us

This is DH's family. His parents are fairly well off, accumulating money in the era when one could live in an amazing house in a great school district for a fraction of what one can today.

But they have also burnt through a lot of money. Some of it is because they shelled out a lot over 15 years to snowbird in increasingly expensive houses in FL for longer periods of time as well as take some big ticket trips as a couple over nearly the same period. A lot. That's probably the biggest source of expenditures. At the moment, LTC covers a lot of the home care for FiL, but MiL now extending the coverage to 7 days/week and IDK if the insurance will cover that additional amount. I do worry that they will run out of funds before a CCRC or similar arrangement comes on the horizon. Think they based their budget on sharing a room as one set of grandparents did, but now MiL not willing to share a room, even a 1 BR, in one of those settings. That's why running up costs on travel might not have been so prudent.

We are pretty much fine. We can pay some, but will chafe if we end up into the high 6 digits (maybe more) for them. SiL not in same situation. They will not be able to contribute and they are also banking on an inheritance. They are not profligate with money, but also not so savvy in understanding how much CCRCs, nursing homes, etc, cost. SiL has even gone so far to say she only wants cash from estate, not property. Now it's not clear there will even be that.

And the kicker is MiL, who is generally very nice, but loves to say "we are going to spend it because you can't take it with you." She also doesn't get how expensive life has become for families over the last 30 years and how her daughter could really benefit from a bequest.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL needs to stop counting in an inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you guys will not get much of an inheritance. MIL already said she is going to spend it, and if FIL is already needing homecare, it's going to go.

I also would not spend any of my/dh's money to buy them a ccrc place. Let them age in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Sounds like you guys will not get much of an inheritance. MIL already said she is going to spend it, and if FIL is already needing homecare, it's going to go.

I also would not spend any of my/dh's money to buy them a ccrc place. Let them age in place.

This.

They can age in place with HHA, it's personalized care and more affordable than CCRC. At least they have LTC, my mom cancelled her policy years ago and is now almost 93.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your SIL needs to stop counting in an inheritance.

Agree. The best you should hope for is that there are no debts you have to pay (some states have laws about children paying for destitute parents but rarely enforce them — though that could change). If you get even a few bucks, consider yourself fortunate. Even if mom/dad have money now, you cannot bank on parents having anything left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your SIL needs to stop counting in an inheritance.

Yah. It is not her parents’ responsibility to support her in adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Best to not judge previous behavior. Stop with that. All you can do, and should, is say, "no" to any monetary ask. Even that, you don't know that that would ever happen. No need to speculate.

As these are your husband's parents, hopefully he can advise them re: the cost of their living arrangements and care.

[Anonymous]

The article is biased, IMO. Skewing against the horrid boomer generation.

Where was it ever written that adult children should count on significant inheritances and parents should conserve/preserve their assets for their kids to enjoy after their deaths?

Most Boomers did not inherit money from their parents, the Greatest Generation, who were Depresssion-era.

The money Boomers have they earned. Many of them (working blue collar jobs) also put their kids through college, which they themselves didn't have the benefit of.

Yet their adult kids begrudge them going on trips and enjoying what little time they have left? What a sad world we live in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She also doesn't get how expensive life has become for families over the last 30 years and how her daughter could really benefit from a bequest.

Whatever. Life was always expensive for families. Do you know what a tv cost in 1975?
People need to make their own way in the world, and counting on an inheritance is a terrible way to live life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The article is biased, IMO. Skewing against the horrid boomer generation.

Where was it ever written that adult children should count on significant inheritances and parents should conserve/preserve their assets for their kids to enjoy after their deaths?

Most Boomers did not inherit money from their parents, the Greatest Generation, who were Depresssion-era.

The money Boomers have they earned. Many of them (working blue collar jobs) also put their kids through college, which they themselves didn't have the benefit of.

Yet their adult kids begrudge them going on trips and enjoying what little time they have left? What a sad world we live in.

Exactly.

Very few people understand inflation when it comes to retirement. They always forget that prices keep rising and today's dollar won't be worth the same in the future. I include most of DCUM in this.

Your MIL wants to spend all her money, great. You are not obligated to pay for her expenses either. The sister is off in la-la-land. Not your problem.

[Anonymous]

eh.. I'm getting nothing. Poor immigrant parents.

DH *might* get $200K, but that's looking iffy now because his mother will need LTC at the tune of $1500/week.

So yea, don't count your chickens until they are hatched.

[Anonymous]

I hope the younger generation saves a lot for retirement given the rise in healthcare costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The article is biased, IMO. Skewing against the horrid boomer generation.

Where was it ever written that adult children should count on significant inheritances and parents should conserve/preserve their assets for their kids to enjoy after their deaths?

Most Boomers did not inherit money from their parents, the Greatest Generation, who were Depresssion-era.

The money Boomers have they earned. Many of them (working blue collar jobs) also put their kids through college, which they themselves didn't have the benefit of.

Yet their adult kids begrudge them going on trips and enjoying what little time they have left? What a sad world we live in.

Have any cited stats for that? Definitely not the case with my boomer parents, who "earned" there money by getting a multi million dollar inheritance. My mom (before she died) would proudly tell me not to expect anything because she was going to "spend every damn cent!" Now that my mom has died, my dad is actively seeking a new marriage so his new wife can get all his money instead of his kids (yes, he has actually said that is his prime motivation for remarriage.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The article is biased, IMO. Skewing against the horrid boomer generation.

Where was it ever written that adult children should count on significant inheritances and parents should conserve/preserve their assets for their kids to enjoy after their deaths?

Most Boomers did not inherit money from their parents, the Greatest Generation, who were Depresssion-era.

The money Boomers have they earned. Many of them (working blue collar jobs) also put their kids through college, which they themselves didn't have the benefit of.

Yet their adult kids begrudge them going on trips and enjoying what little time they have left? What a sad world we live in.

Have any cited stats for that? Definitely not the case with my boomer parents, who "earned" there money by getting a multi million dollar inheritance. My mom (before she died) would proudly tell me not to expect anything because she was going to "spend every damn cent!" Now that my mom has died, my dad is actively seeking a new marriage so his new wife can get all his money instead of his kids (yes, he has actually said that is his prime motivation for remarriage.)

Makes sense. If I had an adult kid with your attitude (compative and negative) I'd also get a new spouse and blow every cent of it enjoying life.

[Anonymous]

I was really happy to see my mother spend money on cruises, visiting family often in another country and even buying a condo there, buying a safer car with automatic breaking and sensors,, etc.

What is tough to see is how much money is going to be wasted as she cognitively declines from dementia. I took her to the dentist and lunch last week in the morning and when I called her in the evening she asked when I was going to visit because she hadn’t seen me in a while. She had no memory she went to the dentist or out to lunch with me. She is anti-depression medication because she realizes she is losing her mind and expresses how she doesn’t want to live like this. She is now spending $80,000 a year for an assisted living plus medication management and some other devices. As she declines more and more it will be 100-120k every year. Her neurologist told me she probably has 5 more years but it can be hard to predict.

If she were cognitively aware she would be appalled her end of life care is going to be over $600,000 and the quality is awful.

I have told my husband and kids I plan on going to Switzerland for assisted suicide as. Soon as I get a diagnosis of cognitive impairment because I would rather my kids get something like $300,000 each instead of a corporation that has bought up assisted living places and I do not want my kids to have the stress of dealing with a parent with dementia.