Can't get over anger towards my mom

[Anonymous]

The anger is taking a toll on you, and probably her. Forgiveness will get you a lot farther, if you’re willing to try something new.

[Anonymous]

Medicaid

[Anonymous]

Without specifics OP, it might sound like you don't have a financial plan, for this. Do you? Medicaid place for your Mom, even if far from you is what is available. Her Medicaid pays for her care. If this is not happening, and you are depleting your assets -- you don't have a plan for this, financially.

[Anonymous]

and that's not too different than your Mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The anger is taking a toll on you, and probably her. Forgiveness will get you a lot farther, if you’re willing to try something new.

I don't get the sense OP is saying she will never forgive her mom. Allow her/him to vent and find solutions. There is a very real financial and emotional toll. If you are wealthy and have endless ways to take "me time" it can be hard to have empathy for OP. You can forgive and still feel angry and still need to make hard choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without specifics OP, it might sound like you don't have a financial plan, for this. Do you? Medicaid place for your Mom, even if far from you is what is available. Her Medicaid pays for her care. If this is not happening, and you are depleting your assets -- you don't have a plan for this, financially.

OP said her mom does not qualify for medicaid because her social security check is too high.

[Anonymous]

Some people manage to live -on only- Social Security. Hard but some do. Op, needs to change her approach to this, financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without specifics OP, it might sound like you don't have a financial plan, for this. Do you? Medicaid place for your Mom, even if far from you is what is available. Her Medicaid pays for her care. If this is not happening, and you are depleting your assets -- you don't have a plan for this, financially.

OP said her mom does not qualify for medicaid because her social security check is too high.

That is no5 how Medicaid works

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without specifics OP, it might sound like you don't have a financial plan, for this. Do you? Medicaid place for your Mom, even if far from you is what is available. Her Medicaid pays for her care. If this is not happening, and you are depleting your assets -- you don't have a plan for this, financially.

OP said her mom does not qualify for medicaid because her social security check is too high.

That is no5 how Medicaid works

It can be how medicaid works in some states. OP may need to move her mom to a state or locale with better medicaid support for long-term care. and, of course, there need to be open beds. But first OP needs to get past the need for closure, or approval, because there is no way to deal with the vast pile of stuff that needs doing with an irresponsible and demanding parent if you are still looking for some sort of acceptance or praise. It's a thankless job. They'll hate you for doing what needs to be done. They don't understand "why you can't just...".

At the end of the day you have to do the best you can without bankrupting yourself or sacrificing yourself for the sake of someone who is 90+ years old and will never be able to appreciate it or reward you for it.

Or just visit her without testing or masking during peak covid and flu, it's what folks did to my grandpa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I hate feeling this way. Exasperated dealing with someone in her 90s. Resent that I have to help her financially. She has made a lifetime of bad decisions and I feel like I am paying for them. Worst one? After my dad died, she stayed in their house for 15 years while her money drained.

Worst one was she stayed in her own house? What on earth? This is not a terrible thing. Older people often can't handle change. I don't understand children like you. Did you want to change houses all over the place growing up? You sound incredibly selfish and unaware that you will be just like her one day age wise.

[Anonymous]

She probably didn’t expect to live this long.

[Anonymous]

Can she move in with you to save money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I hate feeling this way. Exasperated dealing with someone in her 90s. Resent that I have to help her financially. She has made a lifetime of bad decisions and I feel like I am paying for them. Worst one? After my dad died, she stayed in their house for 15 years while her money drained.

You have every right to be angry and should not hate feeling that way. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Her decisions have caused you great financial pain, and great emotional pain. Same situation here. If she’s still in the house refusing to sell, kill your financial support and force the sale. If she’s sold it, help her find a safe place to stay and go back to being just her daughter.

People who say that the elderly should be able to stay in their homes while family financially supports the delusion are insane. If the elderly are financially able to, but it’s unsafe, you call in elderly care advocates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she could have made better decisions, she would have. She did not have the skills/ability to do better, for whatever reason. No one wants to be 90+ and depending on their kids. I say this because it is something that helps me not blame people for poor decision-making that affects me, YMMV.

Incorrect.

[Anonymous]

See an elder attorney- they have ways to make your mom qualified for medicaid