DH’s loud talking, interrupting, talking over everyone…at the end of my rope

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He may need to get his hearing checked.

That's not snark, it's what happens when we age.

Do you want to hear something wild?
Go to YouTube and play the sounds that your teenagers can hear, but you and your husband will be all but deaf to... it's crazy.

It’s been going on since his 20s. It’s not hearing loss.

This is very common in ADHD, and I’m not one of the DCUM posters who thinks everything is ADHD or autism.

NP

[Anonymous]

Will he admit that he is missing the social cues when he interrupts and talks loudly? Would he give his permission for you to audio tape? If he doesn’t give his consent, this will probably make him angry. How does he manage at work?

[Anonymous]

Get a talking stick

[Anonymous]

You are considering divorce and you haven’t explored therapy/conseling/mediation? You need to get some professional guidance. He may need a diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

My husband does this to a much lesser extent. He does have mild, late-in-life ADHD diagnosis and gets anxious in social situations - he’s awkward and shy with new people, and when he’s in a social situation with old friends he just sort of loses his filter because he’s so excited to be among friends.

The interrupting at home I have gotten really serious about because it hurt/annoyed me so much. I’ve started naming it most times. “You just cut me off” “I wasn’t finished talking”. He also turns every single discomfort back about himself, reflexively. If I say “I didn’t sleep well,” before it is fully out of my mouth he’ll say “yeah, I slept terribly and I’m tired”. If I say “I don’t feel well at all, I am getting a cold” he’ll say “I have a headache too.” We’ve talked about it, he’s sorry, he understands why I hate it. He is often lost in his own head, though, and words come out of his mouth before he has thought about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband does this to a much lesser extent. He does have mild, late-in-life ADHD diagnosis and gets anxious in social situations - he’s awkward and shy with new people, and when he’s in a social situation with old friends he just sort of loses his filter because he’s so excited to be among friends.

The interrupting at home I have gotten really serious about because it hurt/annoyed me so much. I’ve started naming it most times. “You just cut me off” “I wasn’t finished talking”. He also turns every single discomfort back about himself, reflexively. If I say “I didn’t sleep well,” before it is fully out of my mouth he’ll say “yeah, I slept terribly and I’m tired”. If I say “I don’t feel well at all, I am getting a cold” he’ll say “I have a headache too.” We’ve talked about it, he’s sorry, he understands why I hate it. He is often lost in his own head, though, and words come out of his mouth before he has thought about them.

WOW, my husband does the exact same thing. It beyond leaves me hurt and feeling like he does not care because EVERYTHING goes back to him. It is like I can never have a moment of the spotlight, ever. He always has to one up. He too talks loud and interrupts. Unlike your husband, my husband claims it is part of having a two way conversation. I therefore limit my conversations with him. He too has ADD.

[Anonymous]

When he is loud, talk really low when you reply to him. Whisper tone but not whisper, just real low. Don’t try to over talk. He’ll have to say huh a few times. Don’t repeat yourself. When out, tell him honey you know your voice carries, I don’t want the whole restaurant to hear our conversation. Or inside voices please

When he interrupts CALL IT OUT every single time. Say 1. excuse me, let me finish. 2. I need to finish before I lose my train of thought. 3. Reclaiming my time. 4. I let you talk now let me talk 5. Stop talking over me and listen 6. Now it’s my turn to talk 7. I’ll come back when you learn to have a conversation like an adult (leave) 8. Please stop talking over the kids when they are learning speaking skills, everybody gets a chance to speak here yes Larla what do you need baby?

[Anonymous]

Will he go to counseling? You are looking to undo his entire speaking patterns for his whole life. He is not going to agree with 1,2, or 10 conversations that there is a problem and able to self correct.

[Anonymous]

>>Would he give his permission for you to audio tape

This is not a good suggestion. My husband did this and then presented it in divorce court in VA. Charming way to end a 15 year marriage. Sure, I learned I was obnoxious. But he was also manipulative for the four months he taped me. Talking loud isn’t the end of the world. Just walk off when he does it

[Anonymous]

What does he pontificate about? Is he knowledgeable?

[Anonymous]

My friend that does this has adult ADHD

[Anonymous]

Same posted as above. By the way, every obnoxious man gets a lady in about two minutes in the DC area. I will make your head spin. Some want babies or that life they somehow missed in their 30s. I don’t know where they come from by these second wives are all over the place

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband does this to a much lesser extent. He does have mild, late-in-life ADHD diagnosis and gets anxious in social situations - he’s awkward and shy with new people, and when he’s in a social situation with old friends he just sort of loses his filter because he’s so excited to be among friends.

The interrupting at home I have gotten really serious about because it hurt/annoyed me so much. I’ve started naming it most times. “You just cut me off” “I wasn’t finished talking”. He also turns every single discomfort back about himself, reflexively. If I say “I didn’t sleep well,” before it is fully out of my mouth he’ll say “yeah, I slept terribly and I’m tired”. If I say “I don’t feel well at all, I am getting a cold” he’ll say “I have a headache too.” We’ve talked about it, he’s sorry, he understands why I hate it. He is often lost in his own head, though, and words come out of his mouth before he has thought about them.

My DH with ADHD also does this as does our oldest (20) with ADHD. Like OP's DH, they also struggle with volume.

My DH and I actully addressed it in counseling before marriage and before his ADHD diagnosis. I started out using the 'one word' reminder to point out when he was interrupting or turning things back to himself. It hasn't always been easy but I do know, intellectually at least, that he doesn't do it with negative intent but because he's caught up in his head. I've also done it with DS so, hopefully, he's more mindful of it. I think DH seeing the behavior in DS really brought home to him what he was doing and the impact on relationships.

As far as volume, hoo boy, it's absolutely and ADHD thing with them. They lose awareness of volume, especially if they're really engaged in talking. We use hand signals to bring it to their attention. In ES, the teachers did it with DS as well.

All of this has worked for us because DH and DS are willing to accept the feedback. If your loved one does/won't recognize the impact of their behavior and work with you, well, you have bigger problems.

[Anonymous]

So her DH goes on Adderral, he should stop that behavior, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So her DH goes on Adderral, he should stop that behavior, right?

My friend with adult ADHD is on medication and it's doesn’t help as far as I can see but I also see her after working hours so maybe it's worn off by then?