DH’s loud talking, interrupting, talking over everyone…at the end of my rope

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12/30/2023 01:34

Subject: DH’s loud talking, interrupting, talking over everyone…at the end of my rope

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Anonymous

DH and I are mid 40s and have been married for nearly 20yrs. We have three teens.

My DH has always had an issue with interrupting, pontificating etc. When we were young, I noticed this mostly when he was around his family (especially
with his family- but his family is large and noisy) or old friends. His over talking was always kind of a running joke. With me, or with newer friends or people he wasn’t close to, it was far less of an issue. Did fine with my family and friends. I chalked it up to him being raised in a large, noisy family and didn’t think much of it.

Over the years, this issue has gotten worse and worse and added a new element over time- LOUD talking. He talks at at least 2x the normal volume of others. He seems to be able to control this to a basic level when around people we don’t know well…meeting people for the first time at a party etc. However, the minute he begins to get comfortable with someone- there he goes again. For example, he or we will hit it off with new people at a party or gathering a few times- when he seems to be more in control. Then maybe we have them over for dinner and bam- loud pontificating, interrupting etc, the couple starts exchanging annoyed glances at each other and usually that is where the budding friendship ends. Not a huge deal to me, but an example of the type of thing that happens…he’s fine when on best behavior but can’t keep it up for long.

The largest problem is marriage/family life. It has gotten to the point where I don’t really even try to have an extended conversation with him anymore. I get in 3 words and then he interrupts. Repeat repeat repeat. He does the exact same thing to the kids. Often, we all end up giving up and just sitting in silence and not even try to get a word in edgewise while he rambles on. I often avoid him at home out of sheer frustration. It is basically impossible to have any sort of normal conversation. The kids have brought it up with me as well, and not even sure what to tell them. The volume is another issue- it is more or less impossible to have any conversation with him that is not heard throughout the entire house (and our house is not small). When out (at a restaurant etc) he doesn’t control his volume either- we get annoyed looks from other tables, kids and I embarrassed etc. The issue is generally not the content of what he saying (generally nothing rude etc) but the sheer volume and constant constant constant talking.

This issue is so hard to truly describe but believe me- it is really strange, and really awful.

I’ve tried to talk to him about this many many times over the years. He is always bewildered and feels hurt/insulted/condescended to. He is completely baffled by my complaints no matter how nicely I try to phrase. He often thinks I am upset with him (and I AM) and asks what is wrong. I’ve stopped telling him what is wrong because it is a conversation we have had 1000x before and nothing ever changes.

I am so frustrated that I’m finally seriously beginning to consider divorce. However- it truly seems that he does NOT understand what he is doing wrong. No self reflection at all. I want to be sympathetic but am feeling completely at the end of my tether. We can’t even have a relatively normal family dinner etc. at this point.

Has anyone ever dealt with something like this?? Whether a spouse, family member, friend etc…I don’t think it is a medical issue as it has always been present to some degree…but just keeps getting worse with each passing year, particularly the loud volume. Could this be anxiety? Something else? I am at a loss.

Thanks for reading. I know it is long but wanted to provide background/details…