If you are UMC or MC how would you feel if your adult child married someone from LMC or LC?

[Anonymous]

I married a spouse that was less educated, came from a less financially stable family, and had a chaotic childhood with alcoholic, abusive parents. He and his siblings spent years in foster care.

Love cannot solve all issues. My spouse had a very different style of communicating, handling conflict, different opinions on money and our capability to save money (he thought saving 6 months of living expenses was an impossibility), and he eventually went down the path of troubling levels of drinking and alcohol-related behaviors. His history was full of red flags that I ignored or thought would not affect us.

Vetting a potential spouse is almost like vetting a horse... you need to look past how pretty the horse is, and look at the quality of his temperament, the qualities of the parents, how was the horse raised, history of veterinary care, who trained it... etc. Don't pick the horse whose parents had soundness issues and aggressive temperaments amd expect something different just because you love it.

[Anonymous]

I also married someone of a lower SES than what I grew up in. I didn’t think it would matter but it did. He balked when I would order a coffee or muffin outside, he saves all the hotel toiletries, he refuses to throw away food even if it’s gone bad. Just things like that that get on my nerves. That being said, I think it also has to do with how you were raised, not just how much money you had. A kind and decent lower middle class person would be so much better than a rich controlling spouse.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a wealthy family. And as an adult I am doing fine myself. I have been married to a woman who grew up very poor. I’m glad I did because she is an amazing human being and wonderful wife. I didn’t realize how did functional some wealth families like mine were until I met her. To this day my mom still see my wife through a sense of inferiority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if your adult child marries into a LMC or LC family? Would it bother you?

I thought liberals didn't judge ? The two types of races that are consumed with wealth are Indian and Asian. You never hear this from any other race at least I never did.
One night I was watching a mystery and an Indian mother called her son's white wife white trash whore repeatedly. Then I saw an Asian mother kill her DIL because she was white and didn't raise her child like the MIL thought she should be raised.
Your lot in life is not as important as love and respect for each other. Something that's missing in those two races on a grand scale. Posts about miserable marriages here prove my point. It's truly sad. No other way to put it. Financial slavery. It's never enough then you create generations chasing the impossible dream of misery.
So chase that money. When your worship of money over powers your sense of safety, you only have yourself to blame.

[Anonymous]

This alone would not bother us at all. DH and I both grew up in large LMC/working class families and our extended families are very much a mix today. We have siblings who are doctors and college professors, siblings who work manual labor, and everything in between.

I would be far more concerned about the spouse’s upbringing in general- things like alcoholism or drugs, abuse, general instability etc. Those things occur in families of all socioeconomic classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This alone would not bother us at all. DH and I both grew up in large LMC/working class families and our extended families are very much a mix today. We have siblings who are doctors and college professors, siblings who work manual labor, and everything in between.

I would be far more concerned about the spouse’s upbringing in general- things like alcoholism or drugs, abuse, general instability etc. Those things occur in families of all socioeconomic classes.

o

Thank you. Yes. Addiction and dysfunction don’t discriminate. Just look at the Hiltons or the Kennedys. So many trashy dumpster fire judgements about other people on here. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if your adult child marries into a LMC or LC family? Would it bother you?

It depends on the person but would feel concerned if there are elements like gold digging or any behavioral, legal, addictional or financial issues. Nobody wants their kids to face hardships.

[Anonymous]

I’d rather my children marry someone smart and hardworking who degrees from top universities than someone dumb, lazy, and rich.

[Anonymous]

I'd be worried their potential partner was marrying into our family for financial gain rather than love, so I'm hoping they marry someone from a similar background

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if your adult child marries into a LMC or LC family? Would it bother you?

Who marries into a family?? This isn’t a third world country with a caste system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be worried their potential partner was marrying into our family for financial gain rather than love, so I'm hoping they marry someone from a similar background

Unless you’re a billionaire don’t flatter yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if your adult child marries into a LMC or LC family? Would it bother you?

Who marries into a family?? This isn’t a third world country with a caste system.

Family issues effect people and by association their future families as well.

[Anonymous]

Both of us never had a divorce in our family and therefore not a lot of discussions on how we would overcome differences. Now we are divorced. The abuse involved multiple types of infidelity including financial so so much for not caring about status.
There were a lot of cultural differences that hid issues I should have considered as problems if I wasn't excusing them because of our socioeconomic differences. A lot of lying and betrayal from his family. They didn't really trust people from money and it ended up causing issues. Not that they wouldn't have existed anyway in the marriage because he had his own issues on top of their behaviors, but the crazy would have been lessened. I think if you don't give excuses for behavior and love each other even if you both end up poor it will work out better. Go into it eyes wide open. I just thought he also wanted the same lifestyle I had been brought up in because he deceived me this way saying this was his goal. Turns out he just wanted me to provide for it while he turned to addictive and deceptive behaviors. His family which had been different but kind was also involved In the big lie just to have him marry into money and helping him steal money as well. It was a mess. Even when you try to account for everything though you never know. I could have had other issues with a different man. Will never know.

[Anonymous]

Nope, as long as the spouse treats my child well. Maybe because I was born into LMC (think trailer park) and worked + married myself into UMC (live in a $2M home).

[Anonymous]

I come from a poor immigrant family. My parents are well educated and very kind. While they don’t have money, they are good people. I would be ok if my future son in law or daughter in law was a hard working kid from a stable LMC family.