If you are UMC or MC how would you feel if your adult child married someone from LMC or LC?

[Anonymous]

No. Because I'm not a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd want my kid to marry someone middle class - not rich, not poor. My spouse grew up poor, but is financially very well off now (due to his work). I grew up solidly middle class. We have a lot of differences and it causes a lot of problems. He is super frugal despite our HHI being high (500k). Sometimes I wonder what we are saving for (he expects the kids to get a scholarship or go state, maybe even from home) - our house is paid off and we have heavy 529 savings - we travel a lot but go cheap as we did when we were in our 20s. We stay at hostels when we travel, or camp. Eat out 4x a year; shop at consignment. I do all the housekeeping (plus work full time) and do all the academic tutoring/support of the kids. He does all the yard work. He says paying someone to do yard work, clean, cook, or tutor your own kids is just laziness. He thinks all gifts should be home made.

Yeah it causes a lot of issues. The kids (who have way more chores than most of their friends) are sick of it. I would want my kids to marry someone from a similar background.

I hate to break it to you, but if you want your kids to marry someone from a similar background, they will not be marrying someone middle class. $500 HHI is solidly upper class. Your kids are upper class.

[Anonymous]

My DD married a lawyer at one of those firms that barely ekes into the Vault 100 (think Blank Rome, Duane Morris, etc.) and it has definitely caused issues. I told her she’d be much better off with someone from Kirkland or Latham but she didn’t listen, and now she’s struggling to adjust to LMC life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a spouse that was less educated, came from a less financially stable family, and had a chaotic childhood with alcoholic, abusive parents. He and his siblings spent years in foster care.

Love cannot solve all issues. My spouse had a very different style of communicating, handling conflict, different opinions on money and our capability to save money (he thought saving 6 months of living expenses was an impossibility), and he eventually went down the path of troubling levels of drinking and alcohol-related behaviors. His history was full of red flags that I ignored or thought would not affect us.

Vetting a potential spouse is almost like vetting a horse... you need to look past how pretty the horse is, and look at the quality of his temperament, the qualities of the parents, how was the horse raised, history of veterinary care, who trained it... etc. Don't pick the horse whose parents had soundness issues and aggressive temperaments amd expect something different just because you love it.

Wow, I almost could have written this.

Also, my daughters and I (with my second husband, luckily I never had kids with the first) ride horses and I love your analogy. I'll save it for when they're older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, as long as the spouse treats my child well. Maybe because I was born into LMC (think trailer park) and worked + married myself into UMC (live in a $2M home).

Sorry but if you live in a 2 million dollar home you are not UMC. You are upper class. Sure you're not super wealthy, but a 2 million dollar home is no part of the middle class, not even the upper portion.

Sigh. I live in a $2m house but we both work in order to be able to afford. UC is not like that.