Does anyone else write down their tough encounters with their spouses?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are trying to collect material to frame him.

[Anonymous]

I understand OP. I have done the same -- in part because writing is a way of processing for me -- like a diary. I used this as a way to process trends/patterns in my thinking to supplement therapy; also for me to be introspective and think while writing; also, to identify gas-lighting if you feel like you are going crazy.

I can see it as healthy if it is a way for you to vent to yourself, also.... Not everyone is a writer, but for me this process works...

[Anonymous]

I’m divorced now. But I did start sending emails to him after some of his insane sh&t.

Related - I’ve started journaling (all things) which I find very useful to me. Sometimes XH pops up re: kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And then you have a sort of log of them over time of how you perceived they mistreated you?

For me, it’s encountering a spouse who is constantly angry and takes sharp digs at me. I feel that in helpful and kind mostly. So write little notes down trying to understand what took place at the time these things happened. Then I look back and it’s just a bunch of shtty notes. Anyone else? Just to sort of keep their sanity?

I think it’s good to keep as a log as when you’re in the thick of things and managing the day to day of work, kids, household schedule you may not realize the frequency, severity, acceleration of their meltdowns. Or the trigger points, if any identifiable.

It then helps to look over it with a therapist and see if you are “a frog in slowing boiling water.” It sucks to reread it and relive it but at least make some objective tallies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m divorced now. But I did start sending emails to him after some of his insane sh&t.

Related - I’ve started journaling (all things) which I find very useful to me. Sometimes XH pops up re: kids.

I did this too, but he is so defensive he’s write back 100% lies and false accusations. In fancy litigator type prose.

Total psycho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kept a long journal of my ex spouse’s abuse of me before and during the divorce. It was a useful tool during the divorce. If I ever wonder why I got divorced I can read it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know that I agree it's dysfunctional.

If you are in a relationship and believe you are being gaslighted, it might be helpful to jot down instances and see if there is a pattern.

Approximately 98.2% of people have an imperfect understanding of what “gaslighting” means.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it helps me. My DH gaslights. He blows up and then denies what he’s said and done. Keeping track of it has also helped me realize that the behavior is serious and not in my head. I’m a very forget about it and move on person, if I didn’t write it down I would not remember what actually happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept a long journal of my ex spouse’s abuse of me before and during the divorce. It was a useful tool during the divorce. If I ever wonder why I got divorced I can read it.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m divorced now. But I did start sending emails to him after some of his insane sh&t.

Related - I’ve started journaling (all things) which I find very useful to me. Sometimes XH pops up re: kids.

I sent emails to myself as a time stamp entry. Also included security or nanny cam footage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it helps me. My DH gaslights. He blows up and then denies what he’s said and done. Keeping track of it has also helped me realize that the behavior is serious and not in my head. I’m a very forget about it and move on person, if I didn’t write it down I would not remember what actually happened.

+1

It’s powerful to see in black and white, dates, times, dialogs, crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know that I agree it's dysfunctional.

If you are in a relationship and believe you are being gaslighted, it might be helpful to jot down instances and see if there is a pattern.

Approximately 98.2% of people have an imperfect understanding of what “gaslighting” means.

Well, you obviously think you have a PERFECT understanding of gaslighting so why not enlighten us all?

According to just one of many experts who have written on the topic (Robin Stern, PhD, co-founder and associate director for the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence) here is just one suggested course of action for determining gaslighting:

"Sort out truth from distortion. Write down your conversation in a journal so you can take an objective look at it. Where is the conversation veering off from reality into the other person’s view? Then after you look at the dialogue, write down how you felt. Look for signs of repeated denial of your experience."

[Anonymous]

I do this and find it helpful. Gets it out of my head so i don't go over and over the fight in my head. I dont know why it works but it does.

The downside is he will occasionally seek out my journals (when i am traveling for example) and send me point by point rebuttals and claim i am abusing him (in my own journal!!). During a fight he will also proclaim he is going to tell my family and friends what i write about them in my journal. I think he took photos. Anyway, please keep anything you write under lock and key or encryption.