Does anyone else write down their tough encounters with their spouses?

[Anonymous]

And then you have a sort of log of them over time of how you perceived they mistreated you?

For me, it’s encountering a spouse who is constantly angry and takes sharp digs at me. I feel that in helpful and kind mostly. So write little notes down trying to understand what took place at the time these things happened. Then I look back and it’s just a bunch of shtty notes. Anyone else? Just to sort of keep their sanity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And then you have a sort of log of them over time of how you perceived they mistreated you?

For me, it’s encountering a spouse who is constantly angry and takes sharp digs at me. I feel that in helpful and kind mostly. So write little notes down trying to understand what took place at the time these things happened. Then I look back and it’s just a bunch of shtty notes. Anyone else? Just to sort of keep their sanity?

That's sounds a lot like keeping score, which is NEVER healthy in a relationship.
If you need to write things down to keep score on ways they've hurt you, you're not writing the right thing down... you should be writing them down in your divorce papers.

[Anonymous]

No. I'm not Rain Man.

[Anonymous]

I kept a long journal of my wife's abuse of me before and during the divorce. It was a useful tool during the divorce. If I ever wonder why I got divorced I can read it.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a terrible idea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kept a long journal of my wife's abuse of me before and during the divorce. It was a useful tool during the divorce. If I ever wonder why I got divorced I can read it.

In the case of a divorce, yes it's understandable... but just to live every day life? It's very unhealthy & dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

No, just the opposite. I will get annoyed (not really angry) about something and then I can't remember why a few days later. I know his faults, he knows mine, we accept each other and move on. Neither of us is cruel or has a reason to hold grudges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, just the opposite. I will get annoyed (not really angry) about something and then I can't remember why a few days later. I know his faults, he knows mine, we accept each other and move on. Neither of us is cruel or has a reason to hold grudges.

This.

I did use to do this with an abusive coworker but thankfully I don’t have to deal with her any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept a long journal of my wife's abuse of me before and during the divorce. It was a useful tool during the divorce. If I ever wonder why I got divorced I can read it.

In the case of a divorce, yes it's understandable... but just to live every day life?
It's very unhealthy & dysfunctional.

EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY & DYSFUNCTIONAL!

[Anonymous]

I don't know that I agree it's dysfunctional.

If you are in a relationship and believe you are being gaslighted, it might be helpful to jot down instances and see if there is a pattern.

[Anonymous]

I do. It helps me process them and figure out what I can do to change the dynamic. Is it me? Is it him? When I look back and realize it was really stupid ... then I can let it go. But has helped me recognize some patterns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know that I agree it's dysfunctional.

If you are in a relationship and believe you are being gaslighted, it might be helpful to jot down instances and see if there is a pattern.

I agree.

Strange the mob mentality gang is on them about this as it doesn't seem like OP is doing this to keep score more to understand what's happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know that I agree it's dysfunctional.

If you are in a relationship and believe you are being gaslighted, it might be helpful to jot down instances and see if there is a pattern.

I agree.

Strange the mob mentality gang is on them about this as it doesn't seem like OP is doing this to keep score more to understand what's happening.

It doesn't sound like it's helping re: that goal either.

[Anonymous]

A friend did that during her marriage to a gaslighter. He would afterwards say “I never did/said XYZ” so it was helpful for her to see the pattern of his behavior and it helped her decide to leave him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And then you have a sort of log of them over time of how you perceived they mistreated you?

For me, it’s encountering a spouse who is constantly angry and takes sharp digs at me. I feel that in helpful and kind mostly. So write little notes down trying to understand what took place at the time these things happened. Then I look back and it’s just a bunch of shtty notes. Anyone else? Just to sort of keep their sanity?

If you've a full log, guess its time to restart therapy or part ways.