Dating and Assaults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 23. Most of her friends have been raped. She herself has been assaulted twice, forced to have sex by someone she was alone with willingly. Both times she was drunk.

What has your young adult's experience been?

My DD is young and not dating. But there is a similar experience with myself and my friend group. The things we have experienced or endured (e.g., groping at work, sexual assault and rape, being held down and told "you know you want it") would be shocking to people. Not only for the fact these things happened -which is bad enough- but the boys/men who did it. It's the all-American star QB, the "nice boy" from the family down the street. The son of the teacher or coach. It's not just the overt creeps doing things like this. And even if we told you, you wouldn't believe us.

And it's not an exception.

Coming here to say this. I don't think I know a single adult woman who hasn't experienced some form of sexual coercion in a romantic relationship. I have. My sister and mother have. My friends. Their friends. Your friends. Men feel entitled to women's bodies. Whether it's in a relationship or not. Whether they even know you or not.

It's not that it's happening more. It's that we are not concealing it to protect men's feelings and our reputations anymore.

I agree with what you've written. Period. I also believe there are some women who haven't yet recognized what they've experienced is assault/harrassment. Prior to the mid-1970s, marital rape was not illegal and it wasn't until 1994 that all marital exemptions were removed. I know from my own family (rural midwest) and my DH's family (South American) that too many people still hold women responsible for the action of men, that a husband is entitlted to his wife's body and that women should appreciate any attention from 'highly esteemed' men. It's outrageous how women are asked to disregard bad behavior.

FWIW I'm in my late 50s. I revel in lower tolerance of this. Enough of male fragility and holding women accountable/responsible for behavior of others.

[Anonymous]

I never had any relationship with anyone who didn't respect my boundaries. Be picky.

[Anonymous]

I’m not saying it’s not true, but your daughter sounds like a real mess. Why she would be telling her mother that she gets drunk and gets raped is beyond me. She needs help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not saying it’s not true, but your daughter sounds like a real mess. Why she would be telling her mother that she gets drunk and gets raped is beyond me. She needs help.

Why won't she tell her mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not saying it’s not true, but your daughter sounds like a real mess. Why she would be telling her mother that she gets drunk and gets raped is beyond me. She needs help.

Why won't she tell her mother?

The first time you get drunk and raped you tell your mother. The second time? What do you say? “mom it happened again?” I’m not blaming the victim, but this girl is a mess.

[Anonymous]

Men are responsible for most wars, violence, crimes, corruption and sexual assaults. Why aren't we raising good men? Are women part of the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not saying it’s not true, but your daughter sounds like a real mess. Why she would be telling her mother that she gets drunk and gets raped is beyond me. She needs help.

You need help.

If my kid needs me, I hope she knows she doesn't have to be squeamish about what she tells me. That's a mother's job, to be there when her kid needs her.
NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not saying it’s not true, but your daughter sounds like a real mess. Why she would be telling her mother that she gets drunk and gets raped is beyond me. She needs help.

Why won't she tell her mother?

The first time you get drunk and raped you tell your mother. The second time? What do you say? “mom it happened again?” I’m not blaming the victim, but this girl is a mess.

The first part of your sentence contradicts the second. Did you know that?

[Anonymous]

I'm not victim blaming and people shouldn't have to be always on guard but reality is that both men and women have to be careful to atleast minimize the odds as we can't eliminate them. Having alcohol or drugs, specially with random people is never a good strategy for personal safety for any gender.

[Anonymous]

My soon to be 21 year old has absolutely been in situations which she now classifies as assault. For example, a BF bullying her into have sexual relations when she didn't want to, as well as being pressured by drunk guy "friends" when hanging out. The latter happened with some frequency during freshman year of college. She only just recently told me and didn't want to, but has some serious issues related to these situations particularly the former BF, who by the way was someone who was a family friend for 4 years and I would have never guessed the issues he turned out to have. "Be picker" is not an adequate response.

To the PP shaming the daughter, get help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 23. Most of her friends have been raped. She herself has been assaulted twice, forced to have sex by someone she was alone with willingly. Both times she was drunk.

What has your young adult's experience been?

WTF I am a male and I am like WTF... If I sent this to my friends' group they would probably say the same...

say that they were raped?

Why is it surprising? Lots of boys also get raped and assaulted, mostly by people they know. Its a sad world.

Yes I know 1 in 6 vs 1 in 4 for women but from my experience males never discuss it, they'd be like wow wild that's insane, instead of me too. Good for you that you have friends that are open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not saying it’s not true, but your daughter sounds like a real mess. Why she would be telling her mother that she gets drunk and gets raped is beyond me. She needs help.

Why won't she tell her mother?

The first time you get drunk and raped you tell your mother. The second time? What do you say? “mom it happened again?” I’m not blaming the victim, but this girl is a mess.

You are blaming her. Why else would you expect her to be too ashamed to tell her mother? Reflect a little on why you think the way you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never had any relationship with anyone who didn't respect my boundaries. Be picky.

Yet another woman who is blaming women for the actions of men. I haven't had someone I was in a 'relationship' with behave inappropriately. I have been on a date with someone who was - someone who was well respected and admired in our community. I've also been inappropriately propositioned more times than I can count, including during the repast after my father's funeral.

You either dated very little or got really lucky - maybe both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never had any relationship with anyone who didn't respect my boundaries. Be picky.

Yet another woman who is blaming women for the actions of men. I haven't had someone I was in a 'relationship' with behave inappropriately. I have been on a date with someone who was - someone who was well respected and admired in our community. I've also been inappropriately propositioned more times than I can count, including during the repast after my father's funeral.

You either dated very little or got really lucky - maybe both.

I meant that I tried and fortunately it worked out so you can try to. Obviously, luck played a part but trying is in our control, good or bad luck is not. For starters, don't be alone with, go to apartments of, drink with, do drugs with, trust random people you find for dating. No guarantees but improves odd. Drop people at first sign of trouble, trust your gut.

[Anonymous]

Most importantly, women need to work for a world where we don't have to do all that to ensure our safety. Teach your boys and girls, empathy and respect.