Talk to me about your 15/16 year old daughter
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Anonymous
+1 phone goes away by 9:15ish. Lights out around 9:45ish. HW is always first, then everything else. I have a 15 yr old DD, and an 18 yr old DC now in college. |
Anonymous
Thank you for sharing, that sounds rather pleasant! |
Anonymous
Did your kids push back against your restrictions? |
Anonymous
OP here. Agree, completely inefficient. I’m at a loss of what to do. I ultimately believe people are responsible for their own selves. I can advise, support, encourage, but I don’t want to butt heads all the time. It’s no fun. I need to learn to pick my battles. She already says I’m controlling 
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Anonymous
If she has access to her phone until midnight regularly, you are not remotely controlling. Be the parent OP. This is not healthy. She doesn't have to like it or agree. If she wanted to eat donuts and only donuts would you let her? Of course not. This is the same thing. Its not good for her. |
Anonymous
This is my 16 year old. Home around 6:15 after her sport, sometimes not until 8pm on game days. Eat, homework, and usually Facetiming or Snapping with friends until 11ish (she doesn't have to be up until 7am for school). Weekends might have a sport tournament, but if she's free, a sleepover or hanging out with friends. Sometimes she just chills for an entire day. As long as she's keeping her grades up and doing well overall, I haven't set a limit on her phone. Her older brother, on the other hand, I did have to limit when I'd find him playing Fortnite (back when that was all the rage) at 1:30am on school nights. |
Anonymous
| I have a sophomore. Phones in my bedroom at 9:30. I know she doesn’t always turn the lights out then- sometimes I’ll hear her up later studying. No arguments from her. She chooses to get up at 6 even though she doesn’t need to catch the bus until 7:20 so I try to enforce 8 hours of sleep. |
Anonymous
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Social life is high priority in our house. There’s a lot of time on FT. I remind mine to go to bed usually around 10 but there are times that it is later.
I do schedule time for us to do things together a few times a week. Like I’ll go with her to a sports event that she wants to go to. Or I’ll take her to run her errands or to get dinner. Phone goes away for that stuff. Mine is good about getting homework done between school and sports practice. She is also good about managing her grades. So I don’t really have rules about the phone. I would parent differently if the phone interfered with her success. |
Anonymous
The battle I would pick would be no group homework/FaceTime while doing homework unless it was a project collaboration and no phone after 10. |
Anonymous
Thanks, I would love for this to happen. I find that after years of group work, group projects, and group studying, kids are so programmed to work this way. Whenever one of my daughter’s friend has an issue, they FaceTime. Vice versa. |
Anonymous
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During the pandemic, we made our kids do virtual school at the kitchen or dining room table. So, now they are 13 and 15 and just in the habit of working in those “public” locations. I think this helps them get done with HW more efficiently because there are fewer distractions, and because it’s (let’s face it) it’s not a lot of fun to be stuck at the kitchen table all night. The few times they have done HW in their bedrooms, it ends up taking all night.
Also, our kids put their phones on the chargers in our kitchen at 9 (or whenever HW is done if it’s later). But, they have both made the connection that if they don’t get close to 8 hours of sleep, they feel like garbage, so they are mostly happy to shut things down for the night. |
Anonymous
The 15 yr old, no, because DD knows she needs her sleep, otherwise she gets a migraine if she doesn't get enough sleep, and she knows it. The 18 yr old did push back whey they were around 16, but this DC is much better at self regulating (15 yr old is not), and they got straight As in HS, in a magnet program. So, I let it go. But, even so, this DC went to bed around 11pm at the latest. My spouse and I go to bed around 10pm, and if DC got too loud whether on the computer or phone (laughing, talking), then they knew that the phone was going to go away at night. There were a few instances when they got too loud after 10, so we did have to remind them a few times. But, overall, this DC was pretty good about self regulating. We had hard rules about electronic usage early on when they got their phones. I think most kids have a hard time self regulating, even my oldest one. DC went through a period in ES/MS where they seemed addicted to computer games and would get angry after playing. So, we went cold turkey on them and took away the computer for a bit. They learned to eventually self regulate, but they knew that we would (and have) take away their electronics if usage got out of hand. You have to set the rules and expectations early. Much harder to do that when they are older. Of course, some kids are easier to manage than others, so ymmv. But, I do think the earlier you set those expectations, the better. |
Anonymous
This has not been my experience at all. Cut the phone off. |
Anonymous
+1 We give our kids tons of freedom. We think they need to be responsible for themselves. But we made the huge mistake with our oldest (now 21 and in college) of letting her keep her phone with her overnight. Our youngest is 16. Her electronics are all out of her possession at 9 pm. She has less anxiety and gets more sleep. Obviously they aren’t the same person, but it cannot possibly hurt to remove the devices. |
Anonymous
Maybe it’s the culture at her school, I don’t know. But point taken about phone restrictions, I’ve already changed the settings. |