Talk to me about your 15/16 year old daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During the pandemic, we made our kids do virtual school at the kitchen or dining room table. So, now they are 13 and 15 and just in the habit of working in those “public” locations. I think this helps them get done with HW more efficiently because there are fewer distractions, and because it’s (let’s face it) it’s not a lot of fun to be stuck at the kitchen table all night. The few times they have done HW in their bedrooms, it ends up taking all night.

Also, our kids put their phones on the chargers in our kitchen at 9 (or whenever HW is done if it’s later). But, they have both made the connection that if they don’t get close to 8 hours of sleep, they feel like garbage, so they are mostly happy to shut things down for the night.

That’s so great, it takes a lot of self awareness and maturity for a kid to make that connection and then stick to it.

[Anonymous]

Those of you who think you can set restrictions on the phones are hilarious. The kids are 20 steps ahead of you. But as soon as your kid knows that they need to hide it from you, you will see nothing and know nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a sophomore. Phones in my bedroom at 9:30. I know she doesn’t always turn the lights out then- sometimes I’ll hear her up later studying. No arguments from her. She chooses to get up at 6 even though she doesn’t need to catch the bus until 7:20 so I try to enforce 8 hours of sleep.

I’m impressed with all of your kids! Sounds like everyone posting has fairly smooth sailing. Appreciate everyone’s feedback and advice. I sometimes feel I’m going crazy and my perspective needs to be grounded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who think you can set restrictions on the phones are hilarious. The kids are 20 steps ahead of you. But as soon as your kid knows that they need to hide it from you, you will see nothing and know nothing.

Lazy parenting excuse. Not all kids are liars and cheaters. You also seem pretty tech illiterate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sophomore. Phones in my bedroom at 9:30. I know she doesn’t always turn the lights out then- sometimes I’ll hear her up later studying. No arguments from her. She chooses to get up at 6 even though she doesn’t need to catch the bus until 7:20 so I try to enforce 8 hours of sleep.

I’m impressed with all of your kids! Sounds like everyone posting has fairly smooth sailing. Appreciate everyone’s feedback and advice. I sometimes feel I’m going crazy and my perspective needs to be grounded.

PP here. I have an 8th grader too and his phone is in my bedroom at 9:30pm. BUT, between both phones, they get messages/Snaps till very late. I’m often in bed myself when their phones are going off with notifications. So, there clearly are other kids who are on their phones till 11pm or midnight.

[Anonymous]

For our 16 yr old, screens go dark at 10pm on school nights. Her "attitude" is to mumble under her breath something snarky as she walks away that she wouldn't have the guts to say to my face, or roll her eyes. Other than that, she's pretty well behaved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you let her use FaceTime until midnight?

I am going to set screen time limits for FaceTime. What time do you set yours to? Anything you can share that works or doesn’t work in your homes would be appreciated. The problem is kids do homework together and they’re all crazy, up late, it’s a manic energy. I hate it .

You don’t have any control, and the line your daughter is feeding you is BS to stay on her phone. Take her phone at 10pm school nights, turn it off and charge it right by your bed. Your lack of parenting is a huge problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sophomore. Phones in my bedroom at 9:30. I know she doesn’t always turn the lights out then- sometimes I’ll hear her up later studying. No arguments from her. She chooses to get up at 6 even though she doesn’t need to catch the bus until 7:20 so I try to enforce 8 hours of sleep.

I’m impressed with all of your kids! Sounds like everyone posting has fairly smooth sailing. Appreciate everyone’s feedback and advice. I sometimes feel I’m going crazy and my perspective needs to be grounded.

PP here. I have an 8th grader too and his phone is in my bedroom at 9:30pm. BUT, between both phones, they get messages/Snaps till very late. I’m often in bed myself when their phones are going off with notifications. So, there clearly are other kids who are on their phones till 11pm or midnight.

Turn the phone off, it will still charge. I’m the poster who keeps it at my bedside so my kid can’t sneak in and get it.

[Anonymous]

Lie many pps, my almost 16 year old’s down time is in from 9:30pm-6:30am everyday. On weekends if, she’s out with friends she can request that downtime be turned off temporarily. But it goes back on Sunday night.

Everything you’re describing is normal, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you let her use FaceTime until midnight?

I am going to set screen time limits for FaceTime. What time do you set yours to? Anything you can share that works or doesn’t work in your homes would be appreciated. The problem is kids do homework together and they’re all crazy, up late, it’s a manic energy. I hate it .

You don’t have any control, and the line your daughter is feeding you is BS to stay on her phone. Take her phone at 10pm school nights, turn it off and charge it right by your bed. Your lack of parenting is a huge problem here.

LOL. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who think you can set restrictions on the phones are hilarious. The kids are 20 steps ahead of you. But as soon as your kid knows that they need to hide it from you, you will see nothing and know nothing.

So when their downtime goes off and they charge it downstairs and go to bed, what step ahead are they?

I have a parent code for app limits and downtime. They ask for more and I give it to them sometimes. But downtime is a hard 10pm to 7am.

I can literally see on their phone how long they have been on every single app, including FT. It really isn't that hard to be a parent. The OP and the one above are just rationalizing why they don't parent and let the teens run the house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who think you can set restrictions on the phones are hilarious. The kids are 20 steps ahead of you. But as soon as your kid knows that they need to hide it from you, you will see nothing and know nothing.

So when their downtime goes off and they charge it downstairs and go to bed, what step ahead are they?

I have a parent code for app limits and downtime. They ask for more and I give it to them sometimes. But downtime is a hard 10pm to 7am.

I can literally see on their phone how long they have been on every single app, including FT. It really isn't that hard to be a parent. The OP and the one above are just rationalizing why they don't parent and let the teens run the house

OP here. I have actually been very open and grateful to all the advice if you’ve read my responses. No need to cast stones. I didn’t ask this question to receive criticism on my parenting. I wanted to hear how other teens are able to manage it all—heavy homework load, extracurriculars, friends. It’s not easy, is it. I didn’t want phone advice as much as insights in how to dim the social butterfly switch and increase the focus on academics, sleep and wellness and outside interests. Maybe it comes with maturity. Thanks all who provided helpful answers and the book recommendations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who think you can set restrictions on the phones are hilarious. The kids are 20 steps ahead of you. But as soon as your kid knows that they need to hide it from you, you will see nothing and know nothing.

So when their downtime goes off and they charge it downstairs and go to bed, what step ahead are they?

I have a parent code for app limits and downtime. They ask for more and I give it to them sometimes. But downtime is a hard 10pm to 7am.

I can literally see on their phone how long they have been on every single app, including FT. It really isn't that hard to be a parent. The OP and the one above are just rationalizing why they don't parent and let the teens run the house

Tell me you have a compliant NT kid without telling me . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who think you can set restrictions on the phones are hilarious. The kids are 20 steps ahead of you. But as soon as your kid knows that they need to hide it from you, you will see nothing and know nothing.

Mine really isn’t. I actually proposed the idea of removing the downtime restrictions on my 15 year old’s phone because I think she’s ready to regulate on her own and she asked me to keep them in place because she doesn’t like even having the option to use the phone late at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who think you can set restrictions on the phones are hilarious. The kids are 20 steps ahead of you. But as soon as your kid knows that they need to hide it from you, you will see nothing and know nothing.

So when their downtime goes off and they charge it downstairs and go to bed, what step ahead are they?

I have a parent code for app limits and downtime. They ask for more and I give it to them sometimes. But downtime is a hard 10pm to 7am.

I can literally see on their phone how long they have been on every single app, including FT. It really isn't that hard to be a parent. The OP and the one above are just rationalizing why they don't parent and let the teens run the house

Tell me you have a compliant NT kid without telling me . . .

I don't. My first one was a rule follower but my current teen tries to find old phones to upload apps, grabs her Dad's iPad, tries to negotiate more time, etc...

But having the downtime in place with a code they don't know, isn't really one you can get around as long as you click the toggle that says "block after time expires" My kid's friends have a lot of parents that don't realize if they don't click that toggle, then the kid can over rule the app time.

She needs sleep. She needs to balance her life. She is struggling to do that so for now the downtime and app limits stay on. When she has poor grades, the downtime is on at school from 8am to 2:30pm too.