Talk to me about your 15/16 year old daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who think you can set restrictions on the phones are hilarious. The kids are 20 steps ahead of you. But as soon as your kid knows that they need to hide it from you, you will see nothing and know nothing.

So when their downtime goes off and they charge it downstairs and go to bed, what step ahead are they?

I have a parent code for app limits and downtime. They ask for more and I give it to them sometimes. But downtime is a hard 10pm to 7am.

I can literally see on their phone how long they have been on every single app, including FT. It really isn't that hard to be a parent. The OP and the one above are just rationalizing why they don't parent and let the teens run the house

OP here. I have actually been very open and grateful to all the advice if you’ve read my responses. No need to cast stones. I didn’t ask this question to receive criticism on my parenting. I wanted to hear how other teens are able to manage it all—heavy homework load, extracurriculars, friends. It’s not easy, is it. I didn’t want phone advice as much as insights in how to dim the social butterfly switch and increase the focus on academics, sleep and wellness and outside interests. Maybe it comes with maturity. Thanks all who provided helpful answers and the book recommendations.

I’d be careful about interfering with or micromanaging this. Kids this age are biologically wired to connect and be social with their peers. It’s fundamental to this stage in life, and some of the “social butterfly” stuff and even the social drama is their way of learning (through experience) how to communicate and be in relationships with other people. Good and bad - it’s all growth.

Also, sone people are wired to be more extraverted and social than average. It’s core to their personalities, and the smart ones learn to leverage that in their careers, no matter which one they choose.

If your kid isn’t struggling or showing signs of burnout, depression, anxiety etc., let her be. She sounds completely normal to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who think you can set restrictions on the phones are hilarious. The kids are 20 steps ahead of you. But as soon as your kid knows that they need to hide it from you, you will see nothing and know nothing.

So when their downtime goes off and they charge it downstairs and go to bed, what step ahead are they?

I have a parent code for app limits and downtime. They ask for more and I give it to them sometimes. But downtime is a hard 10pm to 7am.

I can literally see on their phone how long they have been on every single app, including FT. It really isn't that hard to be a parent. The OP and the one above are just rationalizing why they don't parent and let the teens run the house

OP here. I have actually been very open and grateful to all the advice if you’ve read my responses. No need to cast stones. I didn’t ask this question to receive criticism on my parenting. I wanted to hear how other teens are able to manage it all—heavy homework load, extracurriculars, friends. It’s not easy, is it. I didn’t want phone advice as much as insights in how to dim the social butterfly switch and increase the focus on academics, sleep and wellness and outside interests. Maybe it comes with maturity. Thanks all who provided helpful answers and the book recommendations.

I’d be careful about interfering with or micromanaging this. Kids this age are biologically wired to connect and be social with their peers. It’s fundamental to this stage in life, and some of the “social butterfly” stuff and even the social drama is their way of learning (through experience) how to communicate and be in relationships with other people. Good and bad - it’s all growth.

Also, sone people are wired to be more extraverted and social than average. It’s core to their personalities, and the smart ones learn to leverage that in their careers, no matter which one they choose.

If your kid isn’t struggling or showing signs of burnout, depression, anxiety etc., let her be. She sounds completely normal to me.

OP here…thanks…and yes, you are right. I’ve been doing some outside reading on raising girls, and your post is wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who think you can set restrictions on the phones are hilarious. The kids are 20 steps ahead of you. But as soon as your kid knows that they need to hide it from you, you will see nothing and know nothing.

So when their downtime goes off and they charge it downstairs and go to bed, what step ahead are they?

I have a parent code for app limits and downtime. They ask for more and I give it to them sometimes. But downtime is a hard 10pm to 7am.

I can literally see on their phone how long they have been on every single app, including FT. It really isn't that hard to be a parent. The OP and the one above are just rationalizing why they don't parent and let the teens run the house

OP here. I have actually been very open and grateful to all the advice if you’ve read my responses. No need to cast stones. I didn’t ask this question to receive criticism on my parenting. I wanted to hear how other teens are able to manage it all—heavy homework load, extracurriculars, friends. It’s not easy, is it. I didn’t want phone advice as much as insights in how to dim the social butterfly switch and increase the focus on academics, sleep and wellness and outside interests. Maybe it comes with maturity. Thanks all who provided helpful answers and the book recommendations.

No, Mom. It comes from boundaries from you. You just don’t want to hear it.