Talk to me about your 15/16 year old daughter

[Anonymous]

I need to do a check-in on what’s normal. I know sophomore year is important for grades, and my kid is a good student, but she is up until midnight on FaceTime (do your kids do this?), she is constantly rushing, she is over extended. Her social life comes above everything. I want her to enjoy high school, but my requests for her to slow down, get more sleep, use down time to her advantage, fall on deaf ears. She is defensive and we end up arguing. This is not at all how I want to parent. So, what happens in your homes? Is this the norm?

[Anonymous]

Why do you let her use FaceTime until midnight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you let her use FaceTime until midnight?

I am going to set screen time limits for FaceTime. What time do you set yours to? Anything you can share that works or doesn’t work in your homes would be appreciated. The problem is kids do homework together and they’re all crazy, up late, it’s a manic energy. I hate it .

[Anonymous]

Why don't you have downtime on your kid's phone?

My 14yr old has 1hr of Snap and 1hr of Tik Tok a day on weekdays. Downtime goes off at 10:15pm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you let her use FaceTime until midnight?

I am going to set screen time limits for FaceTime. What time do you set yours to? Anything you can share that works or doesn’t work in your homes would be appreciated. The problem is kids do homework together and they’re all crazy, up late, it’s a manic energy. I hate it .

They aren't doing homework that late. That is what she is telling you

[Anonymous]

At that age, we were making the kids put their phones away at 10.

Everything else sounds like my daughter. She's chaotic. Good kid, good student, but always some chaos going on, and YES, she favors her social life above everything else.

Do you know the new Olivia Rodrigo song, "Bad Idea"? I like it because it captures the wildness of a teenage girl. (Even if they're not REALLY wild. My kid isn't really a partier, but there's always something swirling around.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you let her use FaceTime until midnight?

I am going to set screen time limits for FaceTime. What time do you set yours to? Anything you can share that works or doesn’t work in your homes would be appreciated. The problem is kids do homework together and they’re all crazy, up late, it’s a manic energy. I hate it .

They aren't doing homework that late. That is what she is telling you

It is likely both. Sometimes they are doing the homework at 1am and sometimes they are just socializing. But it is a choice. They could choose to do the HW together at 8pm. OP, give her a phone/facetime/electronic communications curfew and stick to it. She can choose to get homework help before that time, or do it on her own.

[Anonymous]

At that age, we were making the kids put their phones away at 10.

Everything else sounds like my daughter. She's chaotic. Good kid, good student, but always some chaos going on, and YES, she favors her social life above everything else.

Do you know the new Olivia Rodrigo song, "Bad Idea"? I like it because it captures the wildness of a teenage girl. (Even if they're not REALLY wild. My kid isn't really a partier, but there's always something swirling around.)

[Anonymous]

Two books that I’ve read recently that you might like:

Love Her Well (about raising teenage girls- it is from a Christian perspective and includes Bible verses which are not my thing but the advice was so straightforward and good that I read it anyway)

Never Enough (just came out and is getting a lot of press- ignore the articles and chatter and just read it)

I also like Lisa Damour’s podcast. Sometimes she says something laughably dumb but she talks through a lot of common teenage struggles in a way that’s helpful and validating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At that age, we were making the kids put their phones away at 10.

Everything else sounds like my daughter. She's chaotic. Good kid, good student, but always some chaos going on, and YES, she favors her social life above everything else.

Do you know the new Olivia Rodrigo song, "Bad Idea"? I like it because it captures the wildness of a teenage girl. (Even if they're not REALLY wild. My kid isn't really a partier, but there's always something swirling around.)

Ok yes, OP here, this captures my daughter too. Her friends rule her life, and I am ok with that to a degree. I was once a teenager, so I get it. But I do get ticked off how she she takes short-cuts on everything else. She gets good grades, but thrives off chaos. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

I have to program downtime for my 9th grade DD or she would be on her phone until the wee hours. We tried to give her some additional freedom and not use downtime but it didn't work. She generally goes to sleep at 10:45-11, so downtime kicks in at 10:30. My kid also focuses on her social life above all else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two books that I’ve read recently that you might like:

Love Her Well (about raising teenage girls- it is from a Christian perspective and includes Bible verses which are not my thing but the advice was so straightforward and good that I read it anyway)

Never Enough (just came out and is getting a lot of press- ignore the articles and chatter and just read it)

I also like Lisa Damour’s podcast. Sometimes she says something laughably dumb but she talks through a lot of common teenage struggles in a way that’s helpful and validating.

Thank you I just heard about Never Enough on a podcast and have it on hold at then library. Can’t come soon enough for our relationship!

[Anonymous]

Her downtime kicks on at 9pm and she has to charge it in the kitchen. She does a competitive extra curricular that she loves and also gets straight A's. She does socialize, but I would not say she puts it above all else or that we would let her. She has a small group of good friends. We rarely fight, and when we do its usually over some sibling squabble/"injustice."

[Anonymous]

This sounds like my kid. School and sports keep her busy until 6:30 each day and all day on Saturdays. Then she usually has about 3 hours of homework a night (she does it in front of me, sometimes alone and sometimes with friends on facetime so I know it is true). Asleep at about 11 usually. Weekends she usually has a sleepover or two. Every once in a while she just crashes and take a full day of tiktoking. It seems to be working for her, but it is a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you let her use FaceTime until midnight?

I am going to set screen time limits for FaceTime. What time do you set yours to? Anything you can share that works or doesn’t work in your homes would be appreciated. The problem is kids do homework together and they’re all crazy, up late, it’s a manic energy. I hate it .

They aren't doing homework that late. That is what she is telling you

And even if they are, it's not efficient.