Travelled to interview, not sure what to think of prospective boss

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you are jumping to conclusions. He didn’t do anything to conclude he wants, “ More than a professional relationship.” This boss and job doesn’t sound compatible for you. His pulling back the potential offer because of you pushing back would be a deal breaker. I would let him know that I want to be taken out of the running. He sounds OVERWHELMING.[/quote]

OP here. There were things that crossed the line. [/quote]

such as?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you an academic? Because you’ve just described a pretty common scenario is academic hiring. It is gross and inappropriate and unfortunately way too typical.

Yes, it would be academic (coming from govt contracting). I thought this (state) university, being as liberal as it is, would not have tolerance for this.

OP slow your roll. It’s fine that you disliked his approach, but it’s a totally different organizational culture. He did *nothing* to suggest he wanted an improper relationship with you - not unless you left something major out. Just turn down the job and move on.

He did. When he was driving me back to my hotel at one point, he brought up undergrads having sex in the building. My experience, as a woman being hit on by creepy men with no game, is that they’ll bring up sex as a way to open the door. When he dropped me off at my hotel at the end of the visit, and was parked outside in the dark, with just the two of us in the car, he offered me the job and said something that made me think he was open to more.

I was trying to not be DCUM click bait by providing all of the details.

[Anonymous]

Clearly it’s not your dream job. If you are real, decline it. I don’t trust posters that offer the most damning bit of evidence many posts in.

[Anonymous]

Why is he a man and you’re a female?

[Anonymous]

You didn't know that academia owns you? Lol Saturdays are the tip of the iceberg. OP, no offense, you know nothing about your dream job. You've made up something in your head and this isn't it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly it’s not your dream job. If you are real, decline it. I don’t trust posters that offer the most damning bit of evidence many posts in.

The job is several states away, and I did not post all details initially. I doubt anyone there reads DCUM, and if they do, what do I have to lose at this point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are jumping to conclusions. He didn’t do anything to conclude he wants, “ More than a professional relationship.” This boss and job doesn’t sound compatible for you. His pulling back the potential offer because of you pushing back would be a deal breaker. I would let him know that I want to be taken out of the running. He sounds OVERWHELMING.

OP here. There were things that crossed the line.

Then why didn’t you include these in your original post? It’s not like you were concerned with brevity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn't know that academia owns you? Lol Saturdays are the tip of the iceberg. OP, no offense, you know nothing about your dream job. You've made up something in your head and this isn't it.

I worked at this university out of college and did not experience that. It was along time ago, however.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re reading way too much into this but obviously this isn’t the job for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are jumping to conclusions. He didn’t do anything to conclude he wants, “ More than a professional relationship.” This boss and job doesn’t sound compatible for you. His pulling back the potential offer because of you pushing back would be a deal breaker. I would let him know that I want to be taken out of the running. He sounds OVERWHELMING.

OP here. There were things that crossed the line.

Then why didn’t you include these in your original post? It’s not like you were concerned with brevity.

Because I was concerned that people would get some sick thrill out of hearing that. This has been distressing enough for me.
I’m thinking most people replying here are not women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re reading way too much into this but obviously this isn’t the job for you.

A male brining up sex while alone in a car with a female subordinate, on the way to a hotel is reading way too much into it???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you an academic? Because you’ve just described a pretty common scenario is academic hiring. It is gross and inappropriate and unfortunately way too typical.

This was my thought too. Sounds like a typical academic interview trip.

+2. I don't know if I agree it was "gross" and "inappropriate". A lot of academia is about building relationships and that is done by hanging out together (lunching, sharing transportation at conferences, etc.) Sounds like OP has no real concept about what her "dream job" would be like.

OP, we can't tell from your description if he was coming onto you. Obviously, if he was coming onto you, and you don't want to deal with it, you should remove yourself as a candidate from this job. Not sure what you want help with here.

[Anonymous]

You both sound like total PITAs to work with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are jumping to conclusions. He didn’t do anything to conclude he wants, “ More than a professional relationship.” This boss and job doesn’t sound compatible for you. His pulling back the potential offer because of you pushing back would be a deal breaker. I would let him know that I want to be taken out of the running. He sounds OVERWHELMING.

OP here. There were things that crossed the line.

Then why didn’t you include these in your original post? It’s not like you were concerned with brevity.

Because I was concerned that people would get some sick thrill out of hearing that. This has been distressing enough for me.
I’m thinking most people replying here are not women.

DP. Sick thrill? I’m a woman and you sound nuts and like you’re looking for trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are jumping to conclusions. He didn’t do anything to conclude he wants, “ More than a professional relationship.” This boss and job doesn’t sound compatible for you. His pulling back the potential offer because of you pushing back would be a deal breaker. I would let him know that I want to be taken out of the running. He sounds OVERWHELMING.

OP here. There were things that crossed the line.

Then why didn’t you include these in your original post? It’s not like you were concerned with brevity.

Because I was concerned that people would get some sick thrill out of hearing that. This has been distressing enough for me.
I’m thinking most people replying here are not women.

No, most people responding likely are women, and what you’ve described is a big nothingburger compared to what some of us have experienced.