Good friend that I looked up to is a cheater

[Anonymous]

Height of the pandemic could be sometime in 2022 or 2021. Tons of people were sick in January and February 2022.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what's lacking in OP's life that she feels the need to manufacture an entire fiction around this poor woman's life, and then believe it as fact, and THEN post about it on DCUM!

Who does that?!?

[Anonymous]

OP here. The house purchase timeline is a fact, the “new boyfriend” statement is a fact and my son who was with me at their house also noticed a change is his friend (my friend’s son). A prior PP hit the nail on the head. It’s the fast combining of two families with kids, and the kids seems down about it (plus the inaccurate statement to me) that was out of alignment with the way I thought I knew my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ended a friendship with a woman I thought I knew because of her cheating. When one person cheats someone's life gets ruined. She also wanted me to cover for her. NO.

Thanks for this. I wish more people wouldn’t aid and abet cheaters. So many families could be saved and severe trauma averted.

[Anonymous]

So many offended cheaters in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Height of the pandemic could be sometime in 2022 or 2021. Tons of people were sick in January and February 2022.

Quit the mental gymnastics. No just No.

2020

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The house purchase timeline is a fact, the “new boyfriend” statement is a fact and my son who was with me at their house also noticed a change is his friend (my friend’s son). A prior PP hit the nail on the head. It’s the fast combining of two families with kids, and the kids seems down about it (plus the inaccurate statement to me) that was out of alignment with the way I thought I knew my friend.

And you still don't realize that your timeline is a made-up, and there is no evidence of cheating. There will never be. So you might as well dump this person, because apparently you tend to believe the worse of people.

[Anonymous]

I’d just ask her directly if she’s a good friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The house purchase timeline is a fact, the “new boyfriend” statement is a fact and my son who was with me at their house also noticed a change is his friend (my friend’s son). A prior PP hit the nail on the head. It’s the fast combining of two families with kids, and the kids seems down about it (plus the inaccurate statement to me) that was out of alignment with the way I thought I knew my friend.

And you still don't realize that your timeline is a made-up, and there is no evidence of cheating. There will never be. So you might as well dump this person, because apparently you tend to believe the worse of people.

She let it slip that they’d been together since “the height of the pandemic.” But both were married to other people until the late 2022 timeframe. New house purchased earlier in 2023, yet said yesterday he’s her “new boyfriend.” My best guess is she wants people to view it this way, which actually is a kinder narrative for the kids involved.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't owe you all the details of the timeline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The house purchase timeline is a fact, the “new boyfriend” statement is a fact and my son who was with me at their house also noticed a change is his friend (my friend’s son). A prior PP hit the nail on the head. It’s the fast combining of two families with kids, and the kids seems down about it (plus the inaccurate statement to me) that was out of alignment with the way I thought I knew my friend.

And you still don't realize that your timeline is a made-up, and there is no evidence of cheating. There will never be. So you might as well dump this person, because apparently you tend to believe the worse of people.

She let it slip that they’d been together since “the height of the pandemic.” But both were married to other people until the late 2022 timeframe. New house purchased earlier in 2023, yet said yesterday he’s her “new boyfriend.” My best guess is she wants people to view it this way, which actually is a kinder narrative for the kids involved.

Even accepting that narrative - 6 months to meet a new boyfriend, buy a house and move in together with kids shows seriously poor judgment.

A very good friend of mine cheated. My own partner cheated extensively on me. Friend lied about friend’s own cheating, despite (or perhaps because) friend knew my partner cheated on me. Cheaters are manipulative by nature. They would prefer to construct a public persona in which they are a great spouse and parent, even if that is constructed on lies.

Talking to her about it will not change anything.

In my case, I chose to stay “friends” but not very close because my child and the cheater’s child were friendly. I really liked and wanted to support the kid. But, honestly, the friendship between me and the parent cheater is very superficial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If she's a genuinely close friend, you could feel as if you could ask her. Especially considering you gave her support when she was separating only 18 months ago. While I agree with a PP above that maybe her marriage was done long ago and she her then-DH were both seeing other people for longer than you know. But I also understand your feelings of unease around her new living arrangement. If she only got together with this BF in 2021 or so, it's very, very fast to involve kids and blend families living under the same roof, and for me that would indicate some rose-colored glasses on her part, which affects the kids.

It’s “very, very fast”? It was 2 years ago!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The house purchase timeline is a fact, the “new boyfriend” statement is a fact and my son who was with me at their house also noticed a change is his friend (my friend’s son). A prior PP hit the nail on the head. It’s the fast combining of two families with kids, and the kids seems down about it (plus the inaccurate statement to me) that was out of alignment with the way I thought I knew my friend.

And you still don't realize that your timeline is a made-up, and there is no evidence of cheating. There will never be. So you might as well dump this person, because apparently you tend to believe the worse of people.

She let it slip that they’d been together since “the height of the pandemic.” But both were married to other people until the late 2022 timeframe. New house purchased earlier in 2023, yet said yesterday he’s her “new boyfriend.” My best guess is she wants people to view it this way, which actually is a kinder narrative for the kids involved.

Even accepting that narrative - 6 months to meet a new boyfriend, buy a house and move in together with kids shows seriously poor judgment.

A very good friend of mine cheated. My own partner cheated extensively on me. Friend lied about friend’s own cheating, despite (or perhaps because) friend knew my partner cheated on me. Cheaters are manipulative by nature. They would prefer to construct a public persona in which they are a great spouse and parent, even if that is constructed on lies.

Talking to her about it will not change anything.

In my case, I chose to stay “friends” but not very close because my child and the cheater’s child were friendly. I really liked and wanted to support the kid. But, honestly, the friendship between me and the parent cheater is very superficial.

Thanks for this PP. This is exactly how I'm feeling about it now.

Also I recall back when she was first separating I asked if they were going to try to work it out. She said no she was done, and she was trying to find someone for her husband so he could move on. I thought it was strange thing to say, but now it makes more sense.

[Anonymous]

You found out that her morals and character and values are different. That’s fundamental. Compounded is seeing the kids suffering while the “couple” put their needs before everyone else’s.

It’s normal to feel like you do. It’s ok to no longer be close to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You found out that her morals and character and values are different. That’s fundamental. Compounded is seeing the kids suffering while the “couple” put their needs before everyone else’s.

It’s normal to feel like you do. It’s ok to no longer be close to her.

Thank you, this is what I'm feeling. It's terrible because she has a lot of good qualities and we had great times. But it really sucked to see the kids looking unhappy.