What you wish you knew at 40

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That you’ll no longer be able to mentally double your age and persuade yourself that you’ve only lived half your life.

That whatever kind of physical decline you think you’re experiencing in your forties, it accelerates considerably in your fifties.

That if you still have great sex with your partner, lean into it because libido falls off a cliff with menopause.

That now is the time to concentrate on making money, whatever else is going on in your life. The future you who wants to have the option of retiring early at 60 or 62 will thank you.

That you can have young kids in your forties but you are going to be twice as tired as parents who are in their twenties, so prepare yourself mentally and physically.

That you think you’re old but you’re really not. At 55 or 60, you are going to feel that the 40 year old you is just a wizened version of the young you. By your mid fifties you’ll be looking at a preview of the elderly you in the mirror.

This is all bull. At 40 I was a “spring Chicken” Wet behind the ears. I had a two year old and a newborn. I work 50 hours a week, go on business trips, go out to bar, renovate house, stay up with kids all night while wife slept. Here was my schedule. Get up 6am catch 7am train, get home 730pm then clean up kitchen as wife exhausted, wife to bed at 830 pm. I watch kids 830 pm to 6 am all feedings, etc. weekend do chores, fix house, go to family parties. I easily could get by on 4 hours sleep for months on end. I was a child full of energy!

At 50 now with three kids took on a bigger job, bought an investment property. I see could party till two am on a work night and work 60 hour a week but now I needed 5 hours sleep

At 62 I still run around. I go to bed at midnight and wake up 6 am on two boards, work full time, go on vacation several times a year. I have zero medical issues. I don’t work out I eat junk food.

Age is 99 percent mental. I work with 22 year olds who are older than me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you’ll no longer be able to mentally double your age and persuade yourself that you’ve only lived half your life.

That whatever kind of physical decline you think you’re experiencing in your forties, it accelerates considerably in your fifties.

That if you still have great sex with your partner, lean into it because libido falls off a cliff with menopause.

That now is the time to concentrate on making money, whatever else is going on in your life. The future you who wants to have the option of retiring early at 60 or 62 will thank you.

That you can have young kids in your forties but you are going to be twice as tired as parents who are in their twenties, so prepare yourself mentally and physically.

That you think you’re old but you’re really not. At 55 or 60, you are going to feel that the 40 year old you is just a wizened version of the young you. By your mid fifties you’ll be looking at a preview of the elderly you in the mirror.

This is all bull. At 40 I was a “spring Chicken” Wet behind the ears. I had a two year old and a newborn. I work 50 hours a week, go on business trips, go out to bar, renovate house, stay up with kids all night while wife slept. Here was my schedule. Get up 6am catch 7am train, get home 730pm then clean up kitchen as wife exhausted, wife to bed at 830 pm. I watch kids 830 pm to 6 am all feedings, etc. weekend do chores, fix house, go to family parties. I easily could get by on 4 hours sleep for months on end. I was a child full of energy!

At 50 now with three kids took on a bigger job, bought an investment property. I see could party till two am on a work night and work 60 hour a week but now I needed 5 hours sleep

At 62 I still run around. I go to bed at midnight and wake up 6 am on two boards, work full time, go on vacation several times a year. I have zero medical issues. I don’t work out I eat junk food.

Age is 99 percent mental. I work with 22 year olds who are older than me

Good luck on the PSA tests.

[Anonymous]

Welp, as a 41-year-old with a young child, aging parents, and already aching body, this thread is sobering!

Any recommendations for places to start with weight training? Is it best to join a gym, do some sessions with a personal trainer? Or you can you at-home it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not at 50, the many changes came at 45 already.My body started to ache, eyesight got bad, and the feeling that I don't want to work ever again.

DP. This hit me almost 45 years old to the day. What do I need to know moving forward? Things to help, not necessarily to learn life is all downhill and will only get a worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you’ll no longer be able to mentally double your age and persuade yourself that you’ve only lived half your life.

That whatever kind of physical decline you think you’re experiencing in your forties, it accelerates considerably in your fifties.

That if you still have great sex with your partner, lean into it because libido falls off a cliff with menopause.

That now is the time to concentrate on making money, whatever else is going on in your life. The future you who wants to have the option of retiring early at 60 or 62 will thank you.

That you can have young kids in your forties but you are going to be twice as tired as parents who are in their twenties, so prepare yourself mentally and physically.

That you think you’re old but you’re really not. At 55 or 60, you are going to feel that the 40 year old you is just a wizened version of the young you. By your mid fifties you’ll be looking at a preview of the elderly you in the mirror.

This is all bull. At 40 I was a “spring Chicken” Wet behind the ears. I had a two year old and a newborn. I work 50 hours a week, go on business trips, go out to bar, renovate house, stay up with kids all night while wife slept. Here was my schedule. Get up 6am catch 7am train, get home 730pm then clean up kitchen as wife exhausted, wife to bed at 830 pm. I watch kids 830 pm to 6 am all feedings, etc. weekend do chores, fix house, go to family parties. I easily could get by on 4 hours sleep for months on end. I was a child full of energy!

At 50 now with three kids took on a bigger job, bought an investment property. I see could party till two am on a work night and work 60 hour a week but now I needed 5 hours sleep

At 62 I still run around. I go to bed at midnight and wake up 6 am on two boards, work full time, go on vacation several times a year. I have zero medical issues. I don’t work out I eat junk food.

Age is 99 percent mental. I work with 22 year olds who are older than me

Wow you're perfect. Could you please give the plebs some advice on how to be gifted with perfection from God?

Actually you sound like a jerk and I really don't believe/care what you say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welp, as a 41-year-old with a young child, aging parents, and already aching body, this thread is sobering!

Any recommendations for places to start with weight training? Is it best to join a gym, do some sessions with a personal trainer? Or you can you at-home it?

As a fellow 41 year old whose youngest is exiting the young child phase, let me just say: it gets better on its own. You don’t have to add more “shoulds” to your life right this moment.

My life force started to return when my youngest entered K. Weights are awesome, but not if it comes at the expense of sleep or rest. It’s fine to wait out the little kid phase. I started lifting with a personal trainer to teach me the ropes and now I DIY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not 50 and loved my 40s. These are things that worked for me

- weight training and getting fit. Once i hit peri-menopause I was better able to handle weight gain.

- work on your career. At 50 it is so much harder but you can really drive it a lot early 40s and reap benefits of seniority at 50

- if you are married, try to remain so. 40s are rough for marriages (lots of affairs happen then) but if you can stay married, you will likely like your partner again.

- invest

+1 to this. I'm 51 now and my career has taken off, finally. And I can lean in because I'm an empty nester.

My observation of our friend group is that approx 50% of the marriages have broken up over the past 5-6 years. There's something about the kids getting older and leaving home (or not) that seems to reveal relationship cracks. Our 40s was tough, but in the past year or so it's like we are re-discovering our old relationship.

And I wish we had invested more!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That when parents stop visiting, sometimes they just aren't up to it anymore. They are older. They are weaker. They, themselves, probably think there will be another trip to visit. But then there's not.

They had plenty of money. I wish I had pressured or wish they had realized, that if they had just paid for me to fly to them, more often, I would have. Just me. Doesn't have to be spouse & kids every time.

this is a good insight and am going to share with DH. we are still a bit a way from that, but that's a good approach.

[Anonymous]

- live in a place where there are significant career opportunities. It might cost more but it is usually worth it instead of a less expensive area with limited abilities to move up.

- don't put your sex life on autopilot. If you have a partner, both of you will change. You have to find beauty and attraction in these changes.

- learn to put up with your parent's idiosyncracies. They are not going to be there forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had had a clearer sense of how so much of what happens to you in life seems to be almost random. I believed that if I worked hard at being a parent, my kids would be successful, and they would like me and we would have a great family. If I worked hard at marriage, I could have a great marriage.

But now that I am nearly sixty, I look around and there's not a lot of evidence that input equals output. I know two great moms who have kids that are in jail as a result of either bad decisions or mental illness. I know someone whose family was involved in a big messy criminal scandal that made all the newspapers and she was publicly humiliated and lost everything she had worked for overnight.

I know two husbands that went to jail -- mostly due to greediness that led them to make bad decisions like embezzling from work. And I'm an UMC educated lady who lives in the suburbs!

I know people whose marriages broke apart because they got bored or lonely or whatever. I know people who seemed to spend all their time driving car pools and their kids have dropped out of college and are spending their twenties living at home and playing basketball in their parents driveways.

And I know people who were really laid back and didn't push their kids and their kids are great and they have great families and everyone loves everyone else. And I'm realizing that maybe I just have bad instincts and tend to overestimate or underestimate people. Or maybe life just really is random. If you had asked me when I was in my forties which moms were doing a great job, and who was likely to be successful, etc. all of my predictions would turn out to be wrong, including the predictions I made about my own life.

Knowing this, I'm not sure what I would have done differently. maybe gotten a little more rest and cooled it a bit with the math work sheets. not really sure.

So true, this- the part about input not equalling output., and the need to accept this reality- it's a fact of life.

[Anonymous]

That the years between 40 and 50 will fly by! And between 50 and 60, even faster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies over 50 what are some things you wish you knew at 40? What are some of your big life lessons and regrets?

That 60 will arrive in the blink of an eye. Don't sweat the small stuff; If you do sweat the small stuff get a good therapist; invest in your well being.

Do not stay in a dead-end toxic relationship; get out now; better to be single than to say "I'm married" to someone toxic or is not willing to grow or change. Yes, to fitness and diet; travel now while you have energy (don't wait). Address peri menopause and if a doctor says no need, find another one. Take HRT, and find a doctor who supports this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies over 50 what are some things you wish you knew at 40? What are some of your big life lessons and regrets?

That 60 will arrive in the blink of an eye. Don't sweat the small stuff; If you do sweat the small stuff get a good therapist; invest in your well being.

Do not stay in a dead-end toxic relationship; get out now; better to be single than to say "I'm married" to someone toxic or is not willing to grow or change. Yes, to fitness and diet; travel now while you have energy (don't wait). Address peri menopause and if a doctor says no need, find another one. Take HRT, and find a doctor who supports this.

PP. and if you don't have a village/community make developing and maintaining one a priority; nurture relationships with friends; have friends who truly love you and who you love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not at 50, the many changes came at 45 already. My body started to ache, eyesight got bad, and the feeling that I don't want to work ever again.

Were you burned out? Did you decide to take an easier job?

The physically hard work was from age 18-30. It was extremely hard. Some of us ended up in ER right from work, and we all knew it was because of working conditions. From 30-45 I raised kids and worked ca 30 hours only. I invested some of the money which means I don't really have to work anymore at 45.
I need to work on my physical health right and strength. I never thought I'd lose my strength and willingness to work after doing -hour shifts without a break like it was a nothing.
I think the suddenness of it all caught me off-guard. Eyesight got bad within 2 months. It's just reading glasses, but having 20/20 vision my whole life, I'm now bumping into things and not noticing anyone behind me as fast and clearly as I used to.
I see people considering new career and I'm thinking about retiring and what to do with my time.

Has your optometrist checked you for cataracts? I experienced a similar rapid decline and had cataracts develop in both eyes in a 6 month period. Got the Vivity lenses and my eyesight is better than normal!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That therapy could/would make me soooo much more comfortable in my own skin and to get on with it already!

Other than that, that I can trust my decision-making. I do the best I can, all the time, and that ends up averaging out to awfully darn good most of the time.

I love this!