What you wish you knew at 40

[Anonymous]

That I was still super gorgeous and sexy. I was, but I didn't know it -- I was busy comparing myself to my 25-year old self.

[Anonymous]

Thank you Op for this thread. Mid 40s and have been feeling disappointed at everything lately, weighed down by the usual life events (or early menopause who knows). Pls keep these coming, it's comforting to know what others have been through and I appreciate the advice!

[Anonymous]

Great thread, ladies! I would say I wish:

I wish I traveled to those far away dream places in my 40s. Somehow it gets harder exponentially in the 50s. I feel myself just getting more unwilling to deal with all the discomforts of travel as I get older.

I wish I worked harder on spiritual resilience and close friendships. Those ties are so important and you really do not get another chance to make great friends as you age. Work on growing a spiritual community to support you when times are hard. They will be.

Health. Act as if you just got diagnosed with something that can only be cured by eating massive amounts of fruits and veggies. Act like it’s life or death.

Hope this helps!

[Anonymous]

I wish I had known that I would feel physically a lot older over 50, and when I hit menopause at 53 i felt like i fell off a cliff. Suddenly a lot of health issues have arisen. I was super energetic all through my 40s--and I spent all my time on work and children. I wish now I had traveled more and done things that physically I no longer can do. so if you're fortunate enough to be there, do the things it will hard to do physically now. that includes keeping up intimacy with your partner, challenging travel, taking up a new sport that you can carry into your later years...

[Anonymous]

I’m 53 and I feel better and happier now than I did at 40. I didn’t lose weight or get fitter, I still have the same DH and work at the same place. Nothing external really changed. Something in me just shifted to where I felt comfortable in my own skin and I just dropped the mask I felt I always had to wear to act like I had everything all together all the time. I started to be more open and authentic in my relationships with people and to be ok with being vulnerable and imperfect. This has led me to having deeper and more real relationships with friends and family and that has been life altering. Set yourself free and you will be happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 53 and I feel better and happier now than I did at 40. I didn’t lose weight or get fitter, I still have the same DH and work at the same place. Nothing external really changed. Something in me just shifted to where I felt comfortable in my own skin and I just dropped the mask I felt I always had to wear to act like I had everything all together all the time. I started to be more open and authentic in my relationships with people and to be ok with being vulnerable and imperfect. This has led me to having deeper and more real relationships with friends and family and that has been life altering. Set yourself free and you will be happier.

Np. I’m 41 and starting to catch glimpses of this. I don’t know what started it exactly, but I hope I can continue in this direction. It’s scary and more comfortable at the same time.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had known at 40 that we were all going to live. It would have gotten me through that interval with a lot more mental peace.

Other than that, not much has changed. I would ignore the doom and gloom here about the 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That when parents stop visiting, sometimes they just aren't up to it anymore. They are older. They are weaker. They, themselves, probably think there will be another trip to visit. But then there's not.

They had plenty of money. I wish I had pressured or wish they had realized, that if they had just paid for me to fly to them, more often, I would have. Just me. Doesn't have to be spouse & kids every time.

Thanks for posting this. This is where I am at with my parents over the last year or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not at 50, the many changes came at 45 already.My body started to ache, eyesight got bad, and the feeling that I don't want to work ever again.

What a coincidence!
My body aches, my eyesight is getting bad, and my wife stopped working and does not want to work ever again!

[Anonymous]

That I should have traveled more while working. Now I am about to retire…but I don’t have the strength and stamina to explore with abandon, like I used to.

I also have no one to go with.

[Anonymous]

How much weight I'd gain from 40-50 by changing absolutely nothing. It's so depressing.

[Anonymous]

I dropped 95 percent of all caffeine and time slowed wayyyy down and most of my aches and pains and anxiety disappeared in a couple of months.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had been a lot more assertive with my parents in getting them to make plans for their inevitable aging. Because I didn’t and now I’m 50 and they are starting their crises and it’s taking over my life.

The absolute best thing I did in my 40s was go to therapy for several years and deal with some of the stuff that I’ve been dragging around.

I now know that other people around me can actually change and the best way of making that happen is changing the way I interact with them. There is a lot of inertia built into relationships but giving things a good hard shove can actually result in improvements.

[Anonymous]

At 40 we still thought we were young. But for many it’s true middle age — not everyone will live to be 90 so use your time wisely and save money.
40 is old to start a family with infants. Age is not just a number.
Time starts going faster and faster. One minute you are 40 and healthy and the next you are 56 with some health problems.
10 minutes later you are 65.
Looking back: take care of your teeth, your feet, your health and your 401k. You will thank yourself for that.
Do the things you love whenever possible because the present is also very important.

[Anonymous]

Don’t pester your parents to get rid of their “stuff” so things will be easier for YOU when they die and are forever gone. Could you be more selfish?